#I am mentally not in a good place today so I am trying to cheer myself up by making poorly done stupid crows memes

[catdoingblep]

#I am mentally not in a good place today so I am trying to cheer myself up by making poorly done stupid crows memes #shadow and bone #six of crows #grishaverse #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wesper #jesper x wylan #wylan van sunshine #kuwei yul bo #crooked kingdom #poorly made memes strike back

[starsandhughes]

Penalty Box Series— Imagines Edition: Best Friend Number Twos

request: “Sissy and Cole! Okay so, Cole just goes dibs one day? Like rocks up to the lake house of even to Anaheim and is basically like *scoop up sissy* "I'm borrowing this. Mental health day bye." And everyone is like can he do that? That's an option?”

warnings: cursing, we*d (underage)

word count: 1.3k

SERIES MASTERLIST

a/n: when i tell y’all idk timeline of their life, i mean that shit. ik alex lived with them at some point (from what i put together from context clues) and trevor said he lived with them at one point (idk if that’s separate from the 5 weeks) but this is DIY timeline so trevor isn’t living with them but he visits a lot bc he’s dating sissy (duh) during NTDP days

ps i high key hate this and i am so sorry but every time i hate something it does well soooo here it is :) lmk what you think (i wrote in inebriated)

— — — — —

Sunday afternoons tended to be the calmest of all the days of the week. It was mainly spent with catching up on homework assignments, running errands, or just relaxing on the couch with your boyfriend, Jack, and Luke. Today was one of those days.

“Sissy, I love you, and if you weren’t Quinny’s entire world, you’d be mine. But I am—“

“Why can’t I be both of your entire worlds?” you cut him off. Jack tilted his head and gave you a ‘really?’ look, “Shut up, nobody asked you. Anyways, as I was saying, I love you, but I do not want to watch Catching Fire again.”

“But you love it!” you whined.

“Yes, but I don’t want to watch it every week! I don’t care how in love with Finnick you are, I’m picking the movie,” Jack stated. You crossed your arms and pouted, “Fine. Cars?”

Jack sighed and slammed his head down on the arm of the couch, “fucking dammit, fine!”

You cheered and fell into Trevor in celebration when the doorbell rang. Jack got up to open the door, “Oh hey! What are you doing here? Come on in.”

You and Trevor looked over and saw Cole entering the house. You both perked up and smiled at his arrival, “Cole!”

Trevor stood up to greet his friend in one of their weird handshakes they refuse to let you in on, “Hey! Whatcha doing here, buddy?”

Instead of answering immediately, Cole voted to just pick you up right off the couch and into his arms.

“I’m taking her,” Cole stated as if it were the most obvious thing int the world.

Jack, Luke, and Trevor all exchanged confused glances.

“Can he do that?” Trevor asked.

“Well, none of us are Quinn,” Luke said perplexed.

“Can I ask why you’re taking Sissy?” Jack turned to Cole, who was slowly walking to the door to keep conversation.

“I’ve been stressed, so I thought a Y/N day would solve all my problems,” Cole answered. “It works out great for you guys, I thought I’d give it a try.

“She is good at that,” Jack agreed. “Is this just a thing now? We can take her wherever?”

“Not when I’m—“

“With Quinn! Yeah, yeah, we know,” Jack interrupted.

Cole started walking closer to the door with you still i’m his arms. You situated yourself so that your legs were wrapped around his waist and your arms wrapped around his neck.

“Cole! Where are you taking her?!” Trevor shouted at his best friend.

“Anywhere she wants!”

“Can we come?”

“I can’t have a detox with Y/N day with her brothers and boyfriend hanging around!” Cole called out while he opened the front door.

“Bring her back by 6 for dinner!” Jack told him. You saluted him and allowed yourself to be carried out the door to Cole’s car.

“Alright, Caufield. You got 5 hours with me, what’s your game plan?” you asked as you placed your elbow on the middle console to prop your head up to look at him.

“I thought I’d take you out to lunch and then back to my dorm for some video games and maybe smoke a little?” Cole answered.

You quirked and eyebrow, “Where did you acquire bud?”

Instead of answering, Cole reached into his pocket and held up a disposable pen.

“That’s not smoking,” you rolled your eyes.

“Do you want it or not?”

You snatched it out of his hand and inhaled, relaxing back into your seat on the exhale.

“Good?” Cole smiled.

“Hella.”

Cole took you to Chipotle, which you both voted to take it back to Cole’s room to eat so he could rant. You sat perpendicular to the head of his bed and had him lay his head down in your lap so you could play with his hair as he spoke. Most of it was stress handling school and hockey practice four days a week, plus games. Other parts of it was little things, such as missing home and a much comfier bed.

“What if once a week we all get together and do assignments together? And we can get you a comfier mattress topper for your bed to try and make it comfier, and I’d have to ask mom but maybe you can stay in Quinn’s room every once in a while. I sleep in his bed all the time when I miss him so I can confirm it is a top notch bed to sleep in,” you said.

“How do I know if it’s actually top notch or if you just miss your best friend so much you gaslit yourself into liking it?” Cole inquired.

“Do you really think Ellen would let her favorite child sleep on an uncomfortable bed?”

“Good point,” he laughed.

This started to make Cole feel better, so you both decided it was time to play some video games and get a little high for further nerve easing.

“Cole-Baby,” you said after a hit, “it’s time to go.”

“One more round,” he said.

“Uh huh, you are not ten and I am not your mother that you bargain with. Rap it up, pretty boy.”

Cole turned off the game and looked over at you smirking, “you think I’m pretty?”

“I think it got you to turn the game off,” you smirked back and kissed his cheek as you stood up.

You spent the entire car ride practically inhaling water. It won’t sober you up completely, but it’ll ease it. It wasn’t the first time you’d come home a little high, and it certainly won’t be the last, so you didn’t worry. Plus, it wasn’t bud.

You skipped through the door and jumped on top of your boyfriend on the couch when you and Cole walked in.

“Trevy!” you screamed.

“Well hello to you, too, Princess,” Trevor laughed.

“Kiss,” you said, lifting your head up. Trevor gave you a small kiss, since you didn’t like to put on a show when your entire family was around.

Jack eyed you suspiciously. You knew he was onto you, so you snapped twice to signal ‘yes, I am high’ so that he could help cover for you if need be, which was hardly ever needed. He, however, needed it frequently, which is why you two created the signal.

“What was that?” Trevor asked.

“Hugheslepathy. We’ve been over this,” you stated as if it were obvious.

“As your newly declared best friend I would like in on this Hugheslepathy signals,” Cole said.

Everyone looked at him as if he were crazy.

“Buddy, Quinn’s her best friend,” Trevor said.

“Since she was 6,” Luke added.

“They’re Hugheslepathy is so much crazier than ours that I don’t even understand it,” Jack said.

“Plus, I’m your best friend,” Trevor finished the back and forth.

“You can have more than one best friend!” Cole exclaimed.

“Clearly, you haven’t been around Sissy and Quinn enough,” Jack laughed. “They’re a different breed of best friend.”

“You can be best friend number two, Coley, but only if I’m yours!” you exclaimed as you sat up.

“Alright, I’ll settle for number two best friend,” Cole laughed. “Shall we legalize it?”

“We shall,” you nodded. You held out your pinky finger to Cole and he looped his around it and you shook hands. “That’s a pink promise! It’s legally binding!”

Cole smiled and agreed with you.

“Dinner’s ready!” Ellen called out.

Jack walked by you as you got up, “How bad?”

“I barely feel it,” you answered. “My best friend number two does not have strong stuff.”

Cole came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, “Last time I share with you, then.”

You gasped and escaped out of his hold, “We’re best friend number twos! That means something!”

“Best friend number twos?” Ellen asked. “What about Quinn?”

“That’s why Cole’s number two, Mom,” you laughed.

Ellen smiled at Cole, “Best friend number two, huh? That’s a big role to fill. Are you ready for it?”

Cole slung his arm around you, “I think I can handle it.”

#penalty box series #penalty box series: imagines #cole caufield #cole caufield imagine #trevor zegras #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras imagine #jack hughes #luke hughes #quinn hughes #cole caufield x reader #nhl #nhl imagine #hockey fic #montreal canadiens

[thesargasmicgoddess]

Today, I say goodbye to England...

**warning: emotions and ramblings ahead. 😆

I'm toasting the end of what I'm fondly calling my "2023 World Tour" 😆 I've been home for exactly 7 days since the end of May. I've traveled over 25000 miles over 7 weeks to Asia and England. I've packed and unpacked over 20 times and have been on countless planes, trains, and automobiles.

This last week, I've been overwhelmed with emotions I can't quite fully place yet--but they all seemingly revolve around an aching theme of feeling bittersweet about new and old experiences and longings.

(Well, THAT was a plot twist I didn't expect on this trip. 😂)

There are certain growths that can only be experienced through pushing beyond comfort zones. I was, surprisingly, stronger, less introverted, and more flexible than I ever expected. There were challenges and new things: the nostalgia of old friends and old haunts; the paying of respects to those that are no longer with us; the visiting of those I grew up with; the first time meeting of a longtime online friend.

As exciting as all of this travel has been, I'm ready for home. Maybe it's the absence of routine and home comforts, or maybe it's the mental shifts required for traveling this long and traveling alone, but I seem to be more emotionally vulnerable during this last week. That bittersweet feeling I've had all week hasn't wanted to let up, and I've been trying to chase down all the reasons behind this feeling.

Visiting places that had helped shape the person I am today, 22 years ago, is in itself, bittersweet. I remember 20 year old me thinking about the passions of the future and yearning for more. I've changed quite a bit, yet the buildings and memories remain. It is an odd feeling of time flying by, yet standing still.

I've pondered a lot about the magic of connections on this trip, juxtaposed with the blessed angst of being someone who feels too much. Every touch, every step, every memory, every feel--I want to capture it all like lightning in a bottle, yet it's almost too much to take in all at once some days. I tell myself to breathe, but sometimes I can't quite catch my breath because I feel so much. Wanting to live a full life can be quite overwhelming for introverted souls who feel too much, but I am so blessed to have the fortitude and opportunities to live fully--albeit sometimes a bit crazily 😆

When you think about the growth of a person throughout their lifetime and the range of intense emotions, experiences, thoughts--it's really quite amazing.

I know my blog hasn't exactly been on "fun smut" brand this last week, but I've always been authentic here. And what has been authentic this week has been....well...a lot of writing, emotions, and processing. I believe in balance-- and I believe that to each irreverent light fun side, there is a darker, more soulful, extremely sensitive side lurking right beneath the surface. I've definitely been more of the latter this last week.

If you've read this far, thank you. This was a needed catharsis for me and a step in processing everything.

So, where to go from here?

I'm not sure. It will take me a minute to mentally and emotionally decompress, unpack, and process all the experiences I've had over the last 2 months. My posts have always been mood-dependent and my moods have been all over the place so......stay tuned 😆😂

Since I can't do anything in a normal, typical fashion--I just have to go with the flow and say cheers to adventures and unexpected soul-searching vacations. I will still take living passionately and deeply over feeling nothing at all most days....

But a break for the rest of today might be a good idea. Or else I'm drinking on the plane.😂

After all this rambling, The Corpus Clock and all that it represents seems appropriate for this post 😂

Onward...

#ramblings and musings #england #adventures #my travels #all the feels #total infj moment 😂 #cambridge #corpus clock

[nex-is-sleeping]

First meeting...

A Shadow x reader fic

I may actually make this a series- let me know if you want it to be !! But for now, a little oneshot.

"What is so bad about him ?" You ask the blue hedgehog in front of you. "First of all he's a faker. Have you seen him ? He's totally trying to copy me ! And second he's a huge part pooper, I bet he's never had fun in his life, hah !" Sonic joked. You had went out in the forest earlier today and saw a cave, you nearly went in before Sonic had stopped you "I can take care of myself, Sonic !" "Oh yeah ? How about that time Egghead captured you ?" Jested the  azure hedgehog. "That was once. Plus, you're no better yourself ! You're literally a danger magnet." "Well," Sonic chuckles "Danger is my middle name" You rolled your eyes and chortled. "Alright, alright, I gotta go, Y/n, I promised Knux I'd watch the Master Emerald while he goes out with Rouge. See ya !" And he raced off, leaving a trail of dust behind him.

You really wondered about what was in that cave. But Sonic said it was no good because of that Shadow. But then again, what harm could he really do ? You fixed up your fur/hair, and set off into the forest. God, you thought it was earlier. You looked at your watch. Oh, right it's winter. It's only 6:57. You walked through the night, looking at the stars. You didn't know much about them, but hell where they beautiful. You looked Infront of you to find yourself infront of the vast cave from earlier, a light accompanied with some crackling inside. Let's just hope he's in a good mood. You thought as you took the first step into the cave. Wind rushed outside as the rain began and thunder clapped. You jumped in surprise. You slowly walked down, getting closer to the light. You tried your best not to make a sound. Maybe this was a bad idea ? No ! It's just Shadow. He couldn't be any stronger than Sonic. You finally face the fire. You look around... Nothing. Maybe Sonic was wrong ? Maybe he lived in a different cave !a Great. You hate rain, you couldn't leave now. You turn around to sit, but you're met with a face inches from yours.

You yelp and stumble back. You look him up and down. His coat is a jet black, with red streaks running through his quills. On top of his chest is a white puff of fur. His hands are gloved, with gold cuffs. Finally, his eyes. They're crimson and seem to be studying you, finally he speaks "Who are you, and what are you doing here ?" His voice is deep, smooth, and firm. You could only assume this was Shadow. Shadow The Hedgehog. You shook at the break of the silence. You didn't know what to say. It'd be weird if you said you where here for him. You didn't answer. "I asked you, who are you, and what are you doing here ?" He spoke louder, firmer. Shadow was mad that his personal space was invaded, worse, is that it's someone he didn't know. "I-" You cleared your throat to help you sound confident. "I am Y/n L/n. I came for..." You paused. What do you say ? You're train of thought was cut off by the jet black hedgehog infront of you. "Well ? Answer or get out." He demanded. You looked towards the cave entrance, immediately reminded of the thunderstorm. "You're not gonna let me go out in a lighting storm, right ?" You nervously laughed.  Shadow looked at you, and then the cave entrance and thought for a moment. "Fine." You mentally cheered.  You turned around to see the fire behind you, along with a red sleeping bag. That's all there was in this cave. You almost felt sorry for the hedgehog. But, then again, living like this was his choice.

You sat down on the ground, the fire's warmth welcoming you. Shadow studied you some more They didn't tell me why they are here. Why ? And why would they be in this part of Green Hills in the first place ? He thought. You saw Shadow ruthlessly staring you down. It intimidated you almost. "Shadow ?" Shadow fumbled at the break of silence. "How do you know my name ?" Oh shit. How where you supposed to tell him ? Ugh, screw it "I heard of you from one of my friends." "Who ?" "His name is Sonic, Sonic the hedgehog." Shadow groaned at the sound of the blue hedgehog's name. "Don't listen to a word he says, he's just a faker. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Shadow The Hedgehog, otherwise know as The Ultimate Life Form." He clenched his fist infront of him. You slightly cringed at the action. You yawned and looked at your watch, 10:28PM. "Woah, okay ! So, I'm going to go to sleep, alright, Shadow ?" He nodded with a hum. You laid down, using your hand as a pillow. You finally fell asleep.

Shadow looked at you, a smile intruding on his face. He stepped outside, and climbed up onto the roof. He sat down, water droplets wetting his quills. He looked at the moon, remembering his best friend, Maria. If she saw him now, what would she think of him ? Shadow let his feet hang off of the overhang as he laid in the memory of her. He smiled as he thought about the fun times they had on the ARK. How she'd teach him all about the stars, and how she was the first to suggest the streaks in his quills. Suddenly lightning clapped, making a sound too familiar to him. Those great memories he was once basking in became not so great. Shadow remembered leaving his friend, her dying. Tears rose in his eyes. He quickly climbed down the rocky cave and went inside.

The hedgehog went into a corner, slowly rocking himself back and forth, breathing heavily. He tried not to wake you, but failed in doing so. "Shadow..?" You awoke after only about 10 minutes of sleep. You heard quiet sobbing from the other side of the cave. You quickly got up, the tiredness leaving you, and went to comfort the near stranger. "Shadow ?? What's wrong ???" You questioned, but was met with nothing. Instead, you hugged him. Shadow's eyes widened. He couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged him like this. He didn't care that he didn't know you now. He sobbed into your shoulder "I miss her. So, so -hic- much" you rubbed his back. You had no idea who he was talking about, but consoled him anyways. Soon enough, he was asleep in your arms. The hedgehog had cried himself to sleep. You looked at him as he slept in your arms. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to leave him like this ? You stayed, and Shadow subconsciously held onto you like there was no tomorrow. And soon enough, you fell asleep to the sounds of the rain...

#sonic #sonic writes #x reader #sonic x reader #sonic the hedgehog #shadow #shadow x reader #oneshot #part one #angst #fluff

[ahedderick]

Not depressed

I feel like I cracked a code. My prior pcp (who retired, I didn't leave her) kept making me fill out "depression questionnaires" before every appointment, no matter what I was there for. And I can appreciate that she didn't want to overlook mental health issues, but it turned into a tug of war. I had some real family challenges, some chronic pain issues, and didn't sleep all that well. Based on honest answers on that questionnaire, I was borderline depressed. But. I. Wasn't. I could not argue her out of her assumption that the questionnaire magically revealed all (wooOOoooO), so I learned to lie on the damned questions.

Fast forward a-l-l the way to last summer. I had an appointment that ended with me getting some meds that reduced minor anxiety, reduced my muscle pain a LOT, and helped me sleep better. WAY better. And I found myself going about my daily work humming cheerfully. And when good things happened, or I had a fun thing to do with one of my kids, I was loving it! I always figured that improving my sleep and reducing daily pain would have a big effect - but I did not know how big.

And I think (better late than never, I guess) that the one thing I could have communicated better to that Dr, to keep her from focusing on depression, would have been to explain how cheerful I am on a day with good rest and low pain. When good things happen, I enjoy them unreservedly. A hallmark of clinical depression is that folks fail to get enjoyment out of things that they would ordinarily love. I have been there, years ago, and I know how that feels.

Sadly, the medication that was helping so much turned out not to be friends with my liver. I had to stop it after a couple months. But I'm still doing better than I was. And I'm going to DETERMINEDLY hum cheery music while I drag out my best step ladder and dust very high things in my living room today. Also, my husband fixed the one broken piece of the quilt frame, so I'm going to assemble that and try it out!! And I have a date with a rough board and a something called a 'palm sander'.

Love to the mutuals, the commenters, the lurkers, and all. It does me a lot of good to have a place to put my thoughts - outside of my head!

#health #mental health #coping with doctors #health and wellness #momblr #depression #medical care #medical

[whitexwolfxx310]

Total Eclipse of the heart

Pairing: Bucky x female reader

Summary: After an encounter where Bucky seems to not know who you are, you start to find out answers. Not one's that you were expecting either.

Warnings: Y/N, cursing, super angst.

Word Count: 4K

A/Ns: Sorry for the long pause between chapters. I had to take some time to deal with my mental health. But I am back! I finished this and will be posting the next chapter ASAP because I wrote that one already as well. If you would like to be added to my taglist, please let me know! I love hearing from y'all so please feel free!

Previous Part

Masterlist

An entire month has gone by but it feels like an eternity. Aside from the one encounter when everyone arrived home from the Soviet Union, the two of you have been kept separate from one another. Tony and Bruce had both agreed that the emotional response from Bucky when he saw you could be triggering, to us both.

It was difficult to try and go through the regular day to day motions when life seemed to have done a complete 180. Everything changed. Sections of The Compound were now 'off limits'. Anytime you asked about Bucky, no one seemed to 'know anything'. It wasn't until Nat 'accidentally' slipped that he had been taken to Wakanda for treatment did you know anything.

'Our' home turned into your home. Bucky's clothes and belongings were taken from the apartment day by day as they worked diligently on treatment. His scent gradually dissipated from the bedsheets with each passing day. Nothing of him was left except one photograph- not even Alpine was left behind.

Which is understandable...But, God I miss them both- more than I let on.

Sitting at the kitchen island, which is normally decorated with cheerful, bright sunflowers and whatever sweet concoction Bucky cooked that morning, felt so bleak and lonely. Each passing day turned one of your favorite places within the home into a very dark one.

*Ding*

The soft tone from your cell is accompanied with a text notification pops up. It's Steve.

"Hey y/n... Can you meet me in the conference room?"

Your thumbs hover over the screen, twitching slightly as each response and scenario collide with one another in your head.

"Um..." You say aloud.

"Sure. See you in a few." Is the response you decided to go with.

You're torn. Part of you wants to run as fast as you possibly can to hear what Steve has to say. The other wants to walk at a snails pace- afraid of what he's going to say. You quickly decide on the median between the two. Not too eager either way.

The walk seemed as though it took forever, like awaiting to cross the finish line of a marathon. Stepping out of the elevator, the glass enclosed conference room came into view. Standing in the corner was Steve, arms instinctively crossed over his chest. He was having what seemed like an easygoing conversation with Tony who stood opposite of him and adjacent to Bruce. Their body language seemed somewhat relaxed, which is good? I think.

Lightly knocking on the glass you catch the attention of all three men. Giving a nervous and awkward wave, Tony motions for you to come in and join them. Hesitantly, you walk in.

"Hey y/n..." Steve immediately greets, bringing his arms down to his sides to seem more relaxed.

"Hey guys..." You answer, meekly. "What's going on?"

It's impossible to force out the casual and polite 'how are you?' 'nice weather we're having today' 'how has work been?' bullshit. I need to know.

"We..." Tony lets out a deep breath as he folds one arm across his chest and the palm of his hand under his chin. "We want to discuss Barnes."

"Okay...?" You reply reluctantly as you look between the three men.

"Why don't you have a seat?" Bruce suggests, looking to Steve and Tony as he politely pulls out one of the wheeled office chairs for you.

Taking a deep breath you oblige, scooting in closer to the conference table and laying your hands flat on the cool surface. It's depressing how any iced cold touch reminds you of Bucky.

The men follow suit, sitting down as well. All four of you collected on one side of the meeting table. The air was stiff, almost as if this were an intervention and each one waited to see who would be the first to speak.

Well it's not going to be me...

"Buck's doing better. A lot better actually!" Steve says optimistically, being the one to break the silence.

"True..." Tony interjects. "But this is unknown territory. While I have all the faith in the world in T'Challa, we've been down this road before-"

"We've made huge strides, Tony." Bruce says, trying to acknowledge both men's opinions but remaining as Switzerland.

"What we're trying to say..." Steve gives you a small nod and half smile, "Is that Buck's back. And...he's asked to see you."

Everyone is looking to you for some sort of answer. But what is the proper way to handle this? There isn't any self help books for 'what to do when your boyfriend's mind resorts back to being an assassin and may not remember you'.

"He... wants to see me?" It comes out as surprised as you feel and yet the only thing you can focus on is the frigidness under your palms.

"Don't worry, it's safe. He's safe. I mean-you'll be safe." Bruce stutters over his words as he tries to sound reassuring.

"Has anyone told you that you are great at giving preparation speeches, Banner?" Tony rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Y/n..." He starts, leaning in more. "We have been working diligently with Barnes. It seems as though pretty much everything is back to normal but..."

Again with the hesitations. Just fucking spit it out already.

"There's holes." Bruce says. Steve and Tony both give him an annoyed look.

I swear he's just in here for comic relief at this point.

"Holes?" You reiterate.

"It's like..." Steve breathes out, long and heavy. "It's like Buck's got all the pieces to the puzzle but can't put them all together just yet. Certain pieces fit and some he's still trying to figure out." He says, hopeful.

"And...he asked to see me?"

After not seeing him for a month since that horrifying interaction, the idea seems so foreign. The men all nod their heads slightly in agreement.

“I can take you to see him now if you would like?” Steve offers. Always the gentleman.

Your eyes instantly drop to look at your oversized grey Iron Maiden t-shirt, black leggings and white slip on's.

“Um...” You look back up at Steve starting to feel self conscious. “Can I clean up and then we care go together?”

“Sure, y/n.” He replies, with his famous warm side smile.

What is the perfect outfit to wear to go see your boyfriend/would have been fiancé for the first time since a once thought dissipated paramilitary terrorist organization that has come back and might be an almost robotic assassin who might not entirely remember your relationship existed?

I mean, is this going to be like meeting him for the first time? Again? Is everything going to go back to the way it was before? Can that even happen?

The thoughts swirled around your mind like a confused cow in a tornado.

Stepping out of the elevator, Steve is waiting with a familiar smile.

“Come on… someone’s waiting for you.” He cordially holds out his arm for you to link onto. Faking the smile in return, you lock arms.

“Thanks, Steve.”

For so many things. For making sure Bucky came home (and not in a body bag), for supporting both of us, for everything in between and including up to this very moment where he is physically keeping you stable.

"I...really appreciate you." There was no way that you could possibly express your gratitude, even if it feels as though your stomach will drop any second.

Steve had led you to the common area; a relaxing spot with a small café. (The one with shitty coffee, according to Bucky). There is a few small tables set up, all of them empty accept for one. Bucky sits alone, his back facing you. Thanks for the dramatic affect. Giving you a small, encouraging squeeze on your shoulder, Steve let's you go.

One step at a time.

It's simple enough and yet you can't move your legs. The nervousness of now having to be on your own almost has completely taken you over. Looking down at your feet, you will them with all of your might to make a move.

One foot. Just one.

Glancing up through hooded eyes, Bucky is still in the same seat- same position. You notice that he is sitting completely upright, tense, nervous. He is as just as fearful of the situation...and you.

Being focused on him, you instinctively take a step. Just that one step turns into every single cell in your body being drawn to him. To run up, him scoop you in his arms and swing you around for the most memorable reunion. You know he'll catch you- and yet you're holding back.

But you decide to play it carefully, respectfully. He hears your faint, delicate footsteps and froze. I've never seen anyone become so suddenly still. Your heart is pounding like a monster trying to break free from it's cage; Pulse whooshing like a relentless wave refusing to ease. Within a single blink of an eye, he was standing- waiting for me.

There was a look of bewilderment on his face, one I have never seen before. Your feet come to a screeching halt, feeling as though they had abruptly encased in cement. Your eyes meet, instantaneously diving into his glacier blue eyes- An unbreakable metal cable connecting your hearts as you begin to move once more. Each step closing the distance you have felt for what felt like ages. That over encompassing feeling of being stuck in a cold, dark, black void.

His mouth opens, taking in a shallow breath as his eyes dart frantically dance between your features.

"You're..." Bucky begins, finally being able to hold his gaze steadily into your eyes. "...real." Relief spilled from the word as he breathed it out. You didn't realize that you had been holding in the air within your lungs.

He doesn't remember? To him it was all...just a dream? I have been begging, pleading with the universe to have him back. I got what I wanted, just not in the way I expected.

Your mouth goes dry- keeping the ability to swallow the large, insufferable lump in your throat.

"Um..." It was hard to keep your voice from cracking, to keep it from mirroring the shattering of your heart. "Last time I checked?" You say, managing a small, fake laugh. The anxiety lodged in your throat travels down your body, now making its appearance in the form of white knuckled fists- Which you quickly move behind your back to hide.

The awkwardness between us felt like a glass wall. You could see him, hear him- but there is a part of him tucked away again.

Bucky's gloved hands froan in the pockets of his black leather jacket he's wearing. A tall tale sign of his insecurity; the gloves a form of comfortability and protection.

His eyes flashed briefly behind your shoulder, a small smirk on his face.

"So..." The grin stayed as his eyes honed in on yours once again. "Would you want to go for a walk?" His torso twisted slightly, using his bent right elbow to point towards the door.

Frozen. Your lips part and yet nothing comes out. He's waiting for some kind of reply but still, nothing. Bucky leans in closer, the smokiness of his campfire smell completely intoxicating.

"Somewhere private?" This time he stares at something over your shoulder. Curiosity gets the better of you- looking over your shoulder, it reveals Sam and Steve huddled in a corner. They abruptly bump into one another, failing to act casual.

Turning back to meet each others gaze once again, a small laugh escapes in unison at the silliness of your eavesdropping friends.

That smile, the laugh. God, that laugh. The saying 'music to my ears' would do it such an injustice.

Nodding in agreement, you bite on the edge of your tongue. Those overwhelming, missing words are now dying to be shouted out.

"Lead the way." He says, gently.

The Compound was surrounded by lively Summer scenery. It had plush, full green trees. The birds chirping their love songs to one another- the smell of dense humidity delicately mixed with citrus and bloomed flowers.

Small white dwarf clovers swish against your feet as you walk through the grass. You'd swear you were alone if you didn't keep sneaking glances at Bucky to make sure it wasn't a dream. His stride was feline- deliberately light and practically soundless.

Stopping on a small hilltop overlooking a field of lavender, you can't bring yourself to look at him. Your body pulses with electricity over the physical closeness of his body to yours. There is only the sound of the whisp of the wind as you stare out into the abyss of purple.

The silence was aching to your soul. Thoughts are whirling around your brain, trying to find the perfect words to convey just how much he means to you. That love, our love, could defy any odds thrown our way.

You know the scene in the romance movies when one person breaks down and emotionally confesses all of their hopes and dreams? It's me, hi.

You don't have to propose, you already know what my answer would be. Let's buy a house and make it a home, just the two of us. Or not. I want Bucky babies- as many as you want. I want to wake up to their laughter ringing through the house- knowing because you wake up so early that you'll be the first thing that they see. Send you to the gas station at 2am for an ice cream and loaded cheese fries craving. The endless laughs I know we'll share as a family. I want to argue about not getting everything on the shopping list. There isn't anything in this universe or the next that could tear us-

"I don't know why this is so difficult." He starts in a soft tone.

Oh no.

"I know you. I know that I know you." He's nervous, rambling. "I feel it in my bones when I look at you. Just being in your presence is soothing to me. You're extremely important to me, y/n." He pauses.

I don't like pauses.

"But..." Bucky exhales a deep breath, as if trying to calm himself. He turns to you and you mirror the movement, now facing each other. You hold the air in your lungs, hanging onto every word. "The best way that I can explain it is..." His hands move in a small circular motion as he tries to find his own words. "It's like reading a book. You can see it in your mind, but it's not physical, realistic."

A wave of cold washed over your body from head to toe, as if someone dumped a bucket of ice water over your head. Your eyes burn from the refusal to blink and let the tears fall. It still must have conveyed on your face, because Bucky's eyes search within yours- a sincere expression replacing his concern.

"Are..." Your voice cracks. Clearing your throat, you fight to get the words out. "Are you...saying that we're" You hesitate, almost choking on the word that feels like bile rising in your esophagus "...over?"

"God, no!" You can feel your eyes roll back slightly at the comfort of those words. Bucky gently takes your hand and places it over his chest; both of his hands enclosing them over his. It's hard not to stare when you can feel the accelerated beating of his heart under the scarring where skin meets metal.

"I'm just asking for us to take it slow. As long as that's okay with you?" His tone is soft but hopeful as he paired it with puppy dog eyes.

"Of course." You lie- your teeth clasped painfully down on the edges of your tongue to keep from saying anything else. His sigh of alleviation along with the instant release of tension in his shoulders shows you made the right decision.

"Thank you, y/n." Bucky whispers as he leans in, leaving behind the faintest kiss on your cheek. If your eyes weren't open to see the physical contact, you would swear it was from the tame breeze.

There was a time not so long ago that we would have taken advantage of being alone on this hill. Laying down in the plush grass surrounded by flowers, the petals getting stuck to the sweat on our bodies. Bucky moaning your name into the crook of your neck as you intertwined and moved as one. Your entire body so sensitive to his delicate, but firm touch, to the point it was almost painful- and yet you couldn't help but beg for more.

Yet, here we are now- resorting back to elementary school hand holding. Selfishly, you wanted more, but didn't have the heart to ask for more. He just seemed... so happy with the idea.

"Well then, I guess it would be okay to resume our sessions for the time being." You say jokingly walking into your office with him closely behind. Bucky lets out a small, genuine laugh as he takes a sits on the sofa across from your desk.

"Anything noteworthy happen while I was gone?"

"Well," You start, grinning as you walk to lean back on the edge of the desk to face him. "There have been quite a bit of complaints about the coffee. I guess you aren't the only one who hates The Compounds brand of choice. I think Rocket misses you- or, at the very least, messing with you. And if I'm being honest..." You place a hand on your belly, rubbing it slightly. "I've lost a few pounds without my personal chef/baker around."

A flicker of wholesome playfulness flashes in those crystal eyes; contagious enough to for it to reach his smile. The fluttering of butterfly wings caress against the lining inside your stomach. Nothing could keep from that infectious ray of light from tugging at your very soul.

"I promise to rectify that as soon as possible, Sunshine." The emphasis of your nickname blanketed around your bones like warm honey. The giddiness made you look away- but only for a moment. You're transfixed on him; Afraid that if he wasn't in your line of sight, he would disappear.

"I know that you're too polite to ask..." Bucky starts, his expression changing. "But I want to tell you about what happened overseas."

Oh shit.

Your fingers tighten around the edge of your desk in preparation. Giving him a small, understanding nod- he continues.

"Russia was... eventful to say the least." He says, almost baffled. "To make a long story short: We got there, followed a few leads that wound up being dead ends and were getting ready to head back home." Bucky is slumped back in his seat on the couch, eyes focused on his pointer finger lazily tapping against his knee; completely zoned out at the recollection.

You now painfully sit in silence, waiting for him to tell you what happened in his own words and in his own time. Biting your tongue to not blurt out all of your questions, needing answers.

"The entire time that we thought this mission was a bust- we were being watched. Studied."

"Studied?" You repeat. "By who?"

"If a head is cut off, two more shall take it's place." He says cryptically and barely audible as he looks up from the floor.

"What?" You ask, becoming more confused. The more in depth Bucky goes, the more distant he seems to get.

"Hydra will never be gone." His tone sounds like an admission to defeat. "There are still people out there who believe in 'their cause'." This came out more as disgust. "They've...replaced me. Created a new 'me'." He's disappointed; thinking that it had just been him all along to discover that there is more.

"Steve and I got separated from the rest of the team. We had each others backs, just as we always have. But..." He sighs, hesitating before he speaks again. "As we tried to make our way out, we found ourselves in some kind of detaining room? It felt familiar." Bucky stares straight forward, looking through some unseen void. "I-... I pushed Steve back through where entered before it closed but someone else was in there with me. I don't remember if I passed out or what. But when I woke up, I had a difficult time recalling anything, anyone. As if I had amnesia."

His whole body is tense as he recalls the memory. It must be difficult for him, living his whole life trying to distinguish what is real and what's not.

"Bucky..." You take a few steps closer; hand impulsively reaching out, placing it on top of his gloved hand as you knelt on the floor in front of him.

He didn't flinch- Not in the way he used to when you first met. There was familiar hint of pain and nervousness behind his eyes.

"And all I could see, was you. Flashes of you smiling, laughing..."

Bucky leans forward, somewhat onto his knees, turning your hand over and gently holding onto it as he intensely looks in your eyes.

"But I... couldn't remember. I thought that maybe it had all been a dream. But when I saw you in person at the medical bay, I knew that it hadn’t been just a fantasy, it was actual memories. I am just so....fucked up." He says in revulsion.

He'll never forgive himself.

"We're all a little fucked up." You admit.

There is something to be said for losing yourself. Sometimes being lost is the only way to be found. You may find a strength you never knew that you had, or see others painted in a different light; will they disappear or help you find your way out of the dark? And if we get out of that darkness, does a piece come back with us?

Bucky's face suddenly hardened, solely focused on something. A switch flipped- the light had gotten ripped away from his eyes. He was staring so intensely that it was uncomfortable. Feeling self conscious, you look down- trying to seek what had exclusively had his attention. In shifting slightly, you see that he isn't concentrating on you; but something behind you.

With unintentional slowness you start to turn around, goosebumps taking over the entire top layer of your skin. Your mind is racing trying to fathom what could be in your office to have him triggered like this. But nothing was there. No person, no being, nothing out place.

Your lungs let out every last bit of air that they held onto in relief. And yet, nothing changed. There was a mysterious uneasiness gripping onto the room.

"Bucky...?" You hesitantly ask; still looking between him and whatever still had him in an almost trance.

Carefully, he moved you out of the way and in four strides, Bucky’s at the bookcase behind your desk.

Standing up, you take a step forward. “Bucky…?” You ask again.

Grabbing a framed picture that was standing in the bookshelf, he starts to look over the picture- taking in every small detail. His head whips around to look back at you, his eyes frantic as his eyes bounce between the picture and you.

“What?!” You can’t hide the urgency of needing to know any longer.

“It’s him.” Barely audible.

Taking a few steps closer, you see that Bucky is holding the picture of you with your brother, Luke. You let an exhale of relief out. But he’s still looking over the picture obviously feeling uneasy.

“You’ve seen this picture a hundred times… what’s wrong?”

“It’s him” He repeats “My replacement. The newest super soldier… is Luke.” His voice is low, exacerbated. You roll your eyes.

"C'mon, Bucky. You know that my brother has been dead for two years. That would be impossible!" I get that he's been through a lot lately, but this? Bringing my dead family member into it?

"What I'm saying is..." His eyes are intensely locked on yours, "He isn't dead. Never was. And your brother..." Bucky doesn't breathe as his expression tries convey the seriousness of his next words, "He's alive. And...he's the new face of Hydra."

Next Part

@peaches1958 @aquabrie @elsie-bells @pono-pura-vida @redbloodedgurl @almosttoopizza @beware-my-thorns @prettylittlepluviophile @annoyinglythoughtfuldestiny @calwitch @ozwriterchick @roofwitty779 @lessersole @lil-darhk @agoddoesnotplead @saranghaey @floralwsloki @erinallene @fafafalafel @mrsvxder @elizabeth916 @winterassisin84

#bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x female reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #dark bucky barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #bucky x y/n #james bucky barnes #bucky smut #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fluff #bucky imagine #the winter soldier #winter soldier #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky barns x you #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader fluff #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes white wolf #buckybarnes whitewolf wintersoldier #winter solider x y/n #tfatws

[around1302]

I. BIRTHDAY BLUES

SPARE PARTS: a series (1/20)

AVIVA STADIUM, DUBLIN

(W) strong language, alcohol & drug use

CHARLIE’S POV

“You know what your fuckin’ issue is?”

“Oh yeah? Tell me now, Charlie, right before we play to 50,000 people.”

“51,700, actually.”

“Bite me, princess.”

Harry, as always, was late. Twenty fucking minutes late. I thought, naively, that maybe he would surprise me. That this time, on the first show of our world stadium tour, he would actually rock up at the agreed-upon time. But no, twenty minutes after we were meant to be on stage, he rolled in as cool and collected as ever while I'd been pacing anxiously.

I had jumped up from my place by the covered speaker, promptly whacked him on his ridiculously polka-dotted shoulder, and began the earache for the rest of them (who all, by habit at this point, groaned and covered said ears).

“You guys ready?” A crew member interrupts us seconds from an actual fistfight and begins lifting the crimson curtain, one we’d all have about ten seconds to mentally prepare behind before a screen would be lifted and we’d be on display to (I am correct) 51,700 awaiting fans.

“Ready as we’ll ever be,” Niall answers, adjusting his guitar strap, “you guys think you can keep it in your pants for the next ninety minutes?”

Overlapping grumbles of disgust from Harry and I echo the small backstage as Louis thrusts his palm in the middle of us all. I roll my eyes but can’t help the small tug of my lips as the ritual begins. Liam follows, sticking his trusty drum sticks in his pocket to slap his palm atop Louis’. Niall joins, Harry’s ring-clad hand eventually makes its appearance, and I reluctantly top the pile.

“Spare Parts on three, yeah?” Louis asks, as if that wasn’t obvious by now.

“On three,” Liam affirms regardless.

“One,”

“Two,”

“Spare Parts!”

“Okay, you’re up,” Clipboard-Man lifts the heavy red curtain, making the screams suddenly louder, realer, scarier, “break a leg.”

“We’ll try not to,” I smile, trying not to let the nerves wobble my bottom lip as I barge past Harry to get to the front, not caring to turn for his reaction.

I know that for the next ninety minutes it will be all fake smiles and even faker laughs with my singing partner, so as he takes up his position beside me, I decide to steal one last scowl and a hissed, “this isn’t over,” before the screen suddenly lifts and there they are.

51 and fucking 700.

“Ire-land!” Niall shouts into the mic attached to his face, throwing his hands in the air as we all shakily step out and try not to pass out in front of the overwhelming crowd. We all knew going in that this was really Niall’s gig, and so he was more than happy to take the reigns for our first show.

You can barely see a person for the bright lights beaming back at the five of us, but by the edge of the stage you can just about see signs and fuck can you hear them. The cheers for us is something I can never get used to, no matter how long we’ve been doing it for. I imagine myself being old and gray and wrinkled and still surprised if I’m stopped in the street.

“It’s good to be home!” Niall’s met by the sounds of thousands of – apparently dying – fans, “Ireland, we have a special treat for you tonight.”

I stand with my arm leant against Louis, my usual safe haven, and laser my focus on the back of Harry’s head as he anxiously messes with his hair, just so I don’t have to watch the crowd.

“You good, Char?” Louis pulls down his mic and whispers, moving his bass out of my way. I send him an over-exaggerated (and unconvincing) nod, trying my hardest not to let the nerves crumble me into a dusty pile atop that stage.

Gigs? Fine. An arena tour? Done. But a stadium tour? A world stadium tour? I’m realising (in probably the worst place) just how new and terrifying this territory is.

“Today is a very special day for us,” Harry continues, turning around and glaring at me with wide, scolding eyes. I quickly take the hint, sucking in the last of my confidence to step forward to him, “because six years ago today, we were formed as a band.”

The crowd rips into cheers heard deafeningly even through my earpiece, and despite the plummeting feeling I have deep in my chest, I feel an aura of safety. Despite there being a lot, lot more of them than I’m used to – they’re here for us. They paid, they showed up, they’re screaming for us.

“We want to thank you all,” I boom, my voice leaving me firmer than I expected, “so much, from the bottom of all our hearts. We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you guys.”

“We love you!” A fan yelps out amongst the screams.

“We love you more,” Harry quickly shoots back, ever the moment-stealer, “and to show you how much we love you,” he glances back at Niall, who begins to play a few opening cords of Teenage Dirtbag, “we’re going to play the very first song we ever sang together.”

Liam kicks in with the drums as I continue.

“Six years ago, we were nothing but strangers thrown together, and now we’re up here as a family,” I glance at Harry, a look that is met with a knowing – mocking – smirk. I try not to scowl, “thank you, Ireland. We love you. This is Teenage Dirtbag!”

Harry and I share an always oddly reassuring look as our earpieces give us the count-in and the opening notes of our first song begin.

Despite our off-stage hatred, on-stage we always seem to mesh. Maybe it’s because Harry Styles is so drastically different to Harry that he’s actually bearable, or maybe we’re just equally as terrified. Either way, as I begin to shakily sing her part, I don’t miss the way Harry watches me from the sidelines until I stand stronger in my voice and melt into Charlie Greene.

“I think last night was our best show yet.”

“You say that every show, Liam.”

“What? It’s true.”

“Will you guys shush,” scolding brogue suddenly emerges from the corner, “she’ll be here any minute.”

Cryptically, I kind of hope it all backfires. Amelia walks in too early, or she hates the balloons, or has the date wrong. As my hamstrings burn within their crouched position behind some seating, my eyes boring into the plushy velvet till I’m sure I hate the colour yellow, I wish that under some power of some God that Niall doesn’t win this one.

Call me petty, but I’m damn well allowed to be. It was me plaiting her hair and gossiping about our classmates and being her shoulder to cry on for the most part of our lives. I was supposed to be the one who bought all the pink glittery vodka out, and ensure the only music playing from the jukebox will be Red (TV) and, and… well, fuck.

It’s perfect. He’s perfect. They’re perfect.

I hate this.

“Do you want to make it any less obvious you’re bitter about this whole thing?”

“Shut up, Louis,” I grumble, not bothering to meet his eye. I already know it’s going to be judgmental, “I’m the worst friend in the world, I’m allowed to be pissed.”

“Maybe, but suck it up for one night, yeah?”

I flag him in the dark, our eyes so adjusted at this point he sees clear as day and flases me a sarcastic grin right back. He’s right – I do need to suck it up, but with how busy I’ve been lately with the new album and tour preparations, I should have at least planned my best friend’s 22nd to make up for the lost time. She’s been excited for this day since we were twelve and replayed Taylor Swift dancing in heart glasses and a (questionable) fedora a trillion times.

Niall had organised everyone to be at Malibu’s for half seven before getting Zayn to shoot Amelia a text to meet at eight. According to her, this was going to be a semi-normal Friday night at our usual; she’d be hanging out with Zayn as the rest of us are ‘still in Ireland.’ Except, we’d all be jumping out of the darkness when the door chimes open. The last person to arrive did so about ten minutes ago, omitting, of course, one exception…

The usual exception.

where are u ??

Sent 19:35

seriously, where are u

Sent 19:40

dude.

Sent 19:46

this isn’t funny, this is lia’s day

Sent 19:50

HELLO??

Sent 19:55

i genuinely hope u get crushed in traffic

Sent 19:59

To be late to everything is one thing, but to be late to a surprise party for not only my best friend but a subsequent good friend of the whole band is taking the piss. Amelia’s due any minute, and–

A rectangle of light flows into the room, the door chimes – fuck, it’s showtime, and I’m riddled with frustation while I should be tingling with pre-emptive happiness for my friend. Anticipation straightens my spine as Niall flicks the light on by the door and we all jump out popping glittery confetti and yelling jovial surprises to…, not Amelia. Harry barely looks up from his phone as everyone murmurs collective confusion and groans of annoyance at the wasted string now adorning the bar floor.

“God, you’re a fucking idiot, H,” Niall grabs his arm, yanking him to the side as his eyes flicker around the room, seemingly taking this all in as if this is news. Niall turns to us, presumably to tell everyone to get back in place and forget the fact all the party poppers are ruined, but not a few moments later the actual birthday girl appears in the doorway. Everyone yells surprise again, this time a little weaker.

I wish I could see her face, but I’m too busy hoping the phrase ‘if looks could kill’ is true as I glare at Harry. In his (teeny tiny) defence, he looks genuinely confused, and we’re all running on two hours of sleep and a whole bunch of heat exhaustion. But, the several texts I sent and the fact this has been discussed in endless amounts in the past few weeks feed him little sympathy from me.

“Sorry, Lia,” Niall starts, “this was meant to be a surprise party, but–”

“You threw me a party? You’re here?”

“Yes, but–”

“Baby!” Amelia squeals, jumping into her boyfriend’s arms. I half roll my eyes, of course, she doesn’t care she’s walked into an awkwardly bright ‘surprise’ where the guests are uncomfortably half crouched behind furniture and the bar. She’s human fucking sunshine, she has no idea Harry just ruined it all – lest if she does, she doesn’t care. Niall waves to everyone from behind Amelia’s embrace to get on with the party, so the jukebox kicks in and people start to crawl their way to all the pink vodka sitting atop the polished bar.

Louis, Liam and I are finally able to stretch our legs, and Harry’s attention shifts back to his phone. It takes everything in me not to follow him and beat the everliving shit out of that motherfu–

“Charlie! You’re here too!”

My violent thoughts are cut off by Amelia suddenly before me, beaming and looking kind of surprised. A little offended, I engulf her in a hug, trying not to spiral into why my best friend seems shocked I’m at her birthday party. She just thought we’d be in Ireland, that’s all. Nothing to do with me. Or my schedule. Or my not being there lately.

We pull from each other, my mouth opening to wish her a happy birthday, say anything, but Louis pulls her into a hug and my distracted eyes catch Harry behind her. The rage that fills me at just the sight of his back is so familiar at this point, I live day and night with the feeling. I realise Amelia’s busy enough with the tens of people who came to celebrate her, so slinking away to the bar is easy enough.

"Your phone seems to be working fine, then."

I take up the sticky leather stool beside him, making him jump a little as he’s entirely engrossed in his device. God, he’s like a toddler. Harry sighs, setting his apparent lifeline face down atop the bar before tilting in his chair to face me, our denim-covered knees bashing together in the process.

"What are you talking about?"

My tongue pokes at my cheek to stop myself from biting his head off.

"I texted you. Like a million times."

"Ah,” he lifts his chin, “I had you blocked years ago, princess."

Why doesn't that surprise me? I roll my eyes and turn to face the racks of liquor, eyeing which bottle I'd most like to drown in first. A Harry-shaped blob moves in my peripheral, propping it’s elbow on the wood and leaning it’s head against it’s palm.

"I'm kidding. I was driving, I picked Amelia up.

"You picked her up?!” And I thought I couldn’t get angrier.

"That's what 'I picked up Amelia' means, yes."

I scramble for words, for sanity. "Why?"

"Her studio was on the way and I had time to kill."

He’s un-fucking-believable, “you couldn't have at least let her walk in first?"

At this point, I genuinely can't tell if Harry really forgot this was meant to be a surprise or if he’s just that self-centred. Probably a healthy mix of both.

"Apparently not. Now, this is lovely," he straightens, grabs his phone and nods to someone behind the bar. I follow his gaze, seeing (predictably) Rachel waiting beside the staff exit, bottom lip between her teeth, a joint between her fingers, "but I'm going to talk to people I actually like."

I let his little comment slide, settling for a scoff and a grumble beneath my breath as he disappears behind the bar. Slinging his arm around Rachel, Harry takes the joint from her and the two of them enter the smoking area together.

"Hey, stranger."

I snap out of my frustration-fuelled daze, blinking back to a reality where Zayn’s standing before me – all kind whiskey eyes and awaiting smiles and inky marks peaking from his usual black shirt. I grin, the type of happiness I only ever get from him distracting me and pulling me back to Earth.

"Z, hey!"

"What're you drinking?" He slings a towel over his shoulder, leaning his forearms against the bar as he becomes close. Dangerously close. Close enough for me to smell his sagey aftershave and spilt liquor. I hum, avoiding his eye to browse the racks again.

We met Zayn years ago when trying to discover bars that wouldn’t be swamped with paps, and all became fast friends with him when he offered us discounted drinks for tattoo practice. And, low and behold, three years down the line, we're all borderline alcoholics with shitty tattoos.

Him and the pap-less element of Malibu’s keeps us the dive bar’s most loyal customers, because fuck me if the drinks aren’t bad. Zayn’s one of the best people I know – terrible bartender, though. The worse. He's always said bartending is just a way to make ends meet while he works on his art, and I believe him, but God I hope he meets those ends soon. I'm always cautious when ordering from him, and as much as I'd love to get absolutely wasted tonight, alcohol poisoning's probably not the way to go.

"Tequila?"

"Right up," he winks, turning to grab some Don from the top rack. While he's getting my shots ready, I notice Harry’s return: Rachel-less and a little more rugged than before. He coughs as he sulks behind me and takes his seat back up, brushing his long locks back and behind his ears. I squint my eyes as I study him; he messes with his hair, then coughs again, then adjusts the buttons on his shirt, and then messes with his hair one last time.

Zayn lays out three shots accompanied by three limes and three pots of salt, and after Harry has ordered himself a whiskey I can't help myself.

"Five minutes has to be a record."

He sighs, nodding thanks toward Zayn after he sets down the glass and leaves to serve another customer.

"Try not to sound too jealous, Charlie."

I scoff, preparing myself for my first shot, “what of? A five-minute snog?"

"Eugh," Harry splutters. I pause while lining up a line of salt on the back of my hand.

"What?"

"That word."

I pique, "what word? Snog?"

He shudders, bringing his glass up to his lips. “Don’t say it again."

"God, you're twelve," I take a deep breath – I'm terrible at shots – lick the salt, shoot the shot, and suck the lime till the bitterness overpowers the petrol-like burning stops it’s Hellish trail down my throat, "what would you call it then?" The question leaves me a little rougher than I intended, and Harry’s low chuckle at my struggle seems to prolong the recovery time.

"I don't know," he clears his throat, "how about we do it then you tell me?"

I pause, once again, mid-line. He full-on belly laughs, now.

"You're disgusting," this one seems to go down harsher, but something in me tells me it's because Harry just put that image in my head.

"Least I'm not bagging free drinks from my ex."

I shake my head, my eyes squeezed shut while I juggle recovering and coming back with something witty.

"They're not free," fumbled the witty thing, seemingly, “and he’s not my ex.”

I push the two empty glasses aside, mentally preparing myself for my third and final shot. The good thing about my alcohol tolerance is that it is worryingly low. These shots will do me for the next few hours; enough to have me dancing on tables, not enough to make my head bang any more than it usually does in the show we have tomorrow.

“Right,” he gives me a look behind the whiskey glass, the rim just brushing his bottom lip as his arched brows raise, “just someone you used to frequently bang and cried about, what was it… five times one night?”

"Whatever," I’m sick of this salt now, "at least I have somewhat of an ex," I coat my tongue with the bitter crystals, asking a muffled, "how long was your relationship, again?"

Harry swallowed the last of his whiskey, "five minutes, according to you.”

taglist: @lilfreakjez @be-with-me-so-happily

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #spare parts series #harry styles enemies to lovers #harry styles smut #1d series #1d smut #ot5 #1d ot5 #one direction ot5 #one direction series #harry styles series #harry styles x oc #harry styles angst

[oftlunarialmoon]

But I’m WEIRD! (3 Ways to Work on Accepting Yourself)

Ciao lovelies! Have you ever felt “weird”? What about “out-of-place,” or maybe unaccepted for who you are? Do you ever hide your true self or feel the need to be “Someone else”? Do you have lower self-esteem and trouble accepting who you are? If any of these are true for you, I’m writing to you today.

I have lots of issues with self-esteem and self-acceptance. Often, I label my actions as weird or “Not normal.” I feel like an outsider with every group, except my closest friends. In many interactions with others I hide who I really am or I try to “act normal.” Key aspects of my personality get hidden so I can seem more “cool” or “normal.” But this just becomes a vicious cycle. Have an interaction and “act normal,” then I end up over-analyzing and thinking that I’m not “normal” enough, then I criticize myself for what I did, then in the next interaction, I’m trying harder to “act normal”…. And the cycle repeats.

Does this cycle seem familiar to you?

Many people worldwide suffer from low self-esteem, and lack of self-acceptance. Accepting yourself for who you are can be hard. It requires a lot of self-reflection, and even therapy. It’s a bumpy road and it’s not easy to travel.

Today I want to talk about some ways you can start your self-acceptance journey. The ways I’ll be talking about today are affirmations, recognizing and correcting negative ruminations, and, lastly, recognizing the difference between constructive critique and harmful insults.

DISCLAIMER

** DISCLAIMER:  I am not a mental health professional and all things mentioned in this post come from personal experience or things I learned in classes. Please note that I am not the expert on these topics and cannot “Fix” what you are experiencing personally. **

AFFIRMATIONS

First, let’s talk affirmations. How often do you self-affirm? Answer this honestly. How many times per day do you praise yourself, for things you’ve done well, or maybe just think something kind about yourself (that’s NOT reactionary, meaning you think these kind things about yourself without being forced to).

If I’m answering honestly, I do not self-affirm very often. I can’t even say that I do it more than once a day, if that. This is a big issue and contributor to my lack of self-esteem. How can I have self-esteem if I’m not even cheering myself on?

When I say that you should self-affirm, I’m not saying that you have to constantly think that you’re the best thing ever. I’m not saying that you should think that you can “do-no-wrong” sort of thing.

When I refer to “Affirmations,” it’s easiest to start fairly small. A very good way to start is to find at least one thing about your physicality that you like. This can be anything from your eye color, to the way your nose is shaped, to the way your teeth look when you smile. Anything at all, just find one thing that you like about your physical self.

Then, bump it up. You may want to take this one day at a time, if this is uncomfortable for you. Here is the plan I want to accomplish this week, you may like this, or you may want to change it for you.

My Affirmations Plan for this Week:

Monday: Affirm one aspect of my physical appearance.

Tuesday: Affirm one aspect of my physical appearance and one aspect of my personality.

Wednesday: Work on criticizing myself less today. If I catch myself criticizing, replace with a statement reflecting what I did right along with what I can work on.

Thursday: Affirm two aspects of my personality.

Friday: Reflect, at the end of the day, on two or three things I did well that day.

Saturday: Affirm one aspect of my personality, one aspect of my physical appearance and recognize one thing I did right today.

Sunday: Affirm one aspect of my personality, one aspect of my physical appearance and recognize 4 things I did right this week.

These don’t sound too bad to me and I feel that this is a good place to start.

RECOGNIZING AND CORRECTING NEGATIVE RUMINATIONS

Now let’s talk about recognizing and correcting negative ruminations.  Let’s start by defining Ruminations.

What does it mean to “Ruminate?” According to Merriam-Webster, to ruminate is to “go over in the mind repeatedly.” Not all ruminations (things that you constantly run through your head) are negative. But in the case of low self-esteem, negative ruminations attribute to keeping your self-perception negative.

Why is it important to recognize negative ruminations? Let’s say you have an interaction, which should have been a fairly casual one. Say you said hello to a friend, but they didn’t say hello back. A higher self-esteemed person would think “maybe they didn’t see me,” but a lower self-esteemed person would run through the situation in their head over and over, overthinking it, thinking of everything they did wrong, or every reason why the friend might’ve “ignored” them- even if none of those reasons were accurate. 

If you could recognize that you were in the midst of a negative rumination cycle, you could work to stop it.  Something you could try is correcting the negative mindset. Take the example given above. If you were negatively ruminating about that interaction, and thinking “I bet they hate me now,” how could you correct that thought? I would remind myself that “maybe they didn’t see me,” or provide context “they have been busy lately, maybe they weren’t able to stop and chat.” By correcting the negative rumination cycle, I prevent myself from constantly staying in a negative mindset, and hopefully provide a positive baseline for any future interactions like that one.

CONSTRUCTIVE vs HATEFUL

Lastly, let’s talk about how to recognize the difference between constructive critique and purposeful insults. If you’re wondering why this topic is in this post, I think it’s very relevant to how self-esteem works. Those with lower self-esteem seem to be more likely to take even helpful critique as insult, because they feel that nobody likes them. Therefore, I felt it was good to have this reminder in this post.

The ways I separate constructive criticism and insult in general are on 2 baselines: was it intended to hurt me, and does it help me to gain this knowledge? What I mean by this is going to be highlighted in the example below.

Let’s say a friend has noticed me saying something that is inappropriate, but I don’t know that it is inappropriate. That friend then brings me aside and informs me that what I said is inappropriate. They are not intending to hurt my feelings, and it’s helpful for me to learn this. This would be constructive criticism/critique.

Here is another example. Let’s say a troll online comments anonymously that “WOW ur face is soo ugly” or something like that. Was it intended to hurt me? Yes. Does it help me in any way to gain this “knowledge”? No. Therefore, that is an insult.

Knowing how to determine between the two is great because if you know it’s an insult, you can sort of…what’s the phrase I’m looking for…. Let it roll off your back. This can be hard to do if you have low self-esteem, but now you know that insults are intended to hurt you, which means usually they’re untrue and intended only to hurt, and are based in the speaker’s own bias/feelings. Knowing the untrue nature of insults can help them ease off your shoulders.

OVERALL

Overall, the point I want to make in this post is that it’s okay to be who you are, and I know that journey can be really hard. But you’re not alone in making it. 

#agere #age regression #sfw littlespace #sfw agere #sfw age regression #age regressor #agereg #age dreaming #sfw little blog

[9tzuyu]

eat the cake

note: the way i could only come up with something for my 20th birthday and its tied to my mental illness </3. i'm so sorry i haven't uploaded in awhile, i haven't had much motivation for anything really. but i am going to try and push myself a little more.

also, this isn't very good but i wanted to kinda get something out as a gift for myself even though i won't ever read this again.

anyways, hope you guys are okay and i will try to work on requests asap!!

oh and this fic has wanda in it cause that's gf fr.

warnings: ed fic + semi proofread

. . .

wanda and natasha had been great throughout your recovery process. they always knew just how much to push you and when to leave you be, though not without a few trial and errors.

slowly, things got better. you could eat three meals a day without lying about it, control became less of a battle, and guilt faded more and more as the days passed by.

however, all of this didn't mean you were immune to have bad days or slip ups.

today just so happened to be another one of those days - because it was your birthday.

both wanda and natasha could tell that you were off a week prior. they knew what was coming up. meals were met with a little more resistance than before, time was spent away from them, and your favorite snacks hadn't been touched once in the past five days.

in your mind this was what had to be done in order to celebrate your birthday the 'right' way. you were compensating for the dessert no one else seems to have a problem with eating.

yesterday had been a day wanda and natasha hadn't experienced in awhile. you skipped both breakfast and lunch, only agreeing to dinner because your stomach wouldn't quit growling. but even then you only consumed about a third of your plate.

the night finished off with your back turned away from your girlfriends. you flinched at their touch, too grossed out by your body to have either of them spoon you.

. . .

wanda brushed a few stray hairs away from your face before placing a kiss on your cheek.

"happy birthday my love." she kissed you again, causing your eyes to flutter open ever so slightly. you smiled at the sight of both sets of green eyes staring down at you.

"up!" natasha cheered, "we've got a fun day ahead of us."

you groaned, "what if i just wanted to stay in bed all day with my beautiful girlfriends." wanda giggled. "well that's too bad now, isn't it? now rise and shine! up, up, up! it's your birthday!"

natasha wanted to take you shopping, much to your dismay. but you ended up enjoying the time spent and (very) reluctantly agreed to let both of them buy you a piece of jewelry that cost more than your rent. you knew there was no changing their mind though, no matter how much you told them the only thing you wanted was to spend time with each other.

"okay i have a little request..." you trailed innocently. "natasha might hate it, but wanda i think you might have fun with it."

natasha stood with her arms crossed, a smirk plastered on her face. "is it that photo booth you've been eyeing for the past ten minutes?"

you sheepishly nodded, "it's okay if you don't want to though, natasha. i know it's not exactly your thing."

the older redhead frowned, cupping your face in her hands. "whose birthday is it?"

"mine."

"so it doesn't really matter what i think about cheesy stuff right now, does it?" she smiled, easing your state of mind. "but just so you know i'd be happy to go in that photo booth over there and take silly little pictures with you - both of you." she emphasized.

and so she was.

all three of you took a series of funny pictures, some with bunny ears, a few with your tongues out. but your personal favorite was the one with wanda and natasha kissing both sides of your cheeks, your face scrunched in a fit of laughter.

all three of you left the booth with nothing but love on your mind.

that was until you remembered what day it was. the impending fear of what was to come later slipped back into your mind, resulting in the smile on your face falling down to nothing.

natasha caught on rather quickly and took your hand in hers, bringing it closer to her face to place a kiss on the indentions of your knuckles.

“you’re okay, i promise.”

wanda rubbed your back softly as a means of support. you peered up at her, “lunch?”

both wanda and natasha nodded, sympathy pouring from their eyes knowing lunch wasn't something you'd been overly excited about lately.

but surprisingly the meal went smoother than any of you expected. you chose to focus on wanda's laugh and the way natasha teased her about the movies she liked.

even afterwards you didn't have time to think of getting rid of the meal. your girlfriends had a way of distracting you so that your attention was held on them and not the overwhelming guilt flooding your mind.

. . .

the day slowed down in the evening, all three of you resting on the couch until wanda got up and made her way to the kitchen. you looked at natasha curiously, to which she shrugged her shoulders.

wanda came back with a pink homemade cake in her hands before setting it on top of the coffee table. she hurried back into the kitchen to get a few plates and a knife.

"i know how rough this week has been, but what's a birthday without cake?" she attempted to lighten the mood. "i also know this is going to be difficult for you, but at the very least we just want you to try. if you don't try now, there's a chance you might never try again and we all know what that would mean for you."

wanda was met with silence.

she wasn't wrong though. if you were to go into a full relapse there wouldn't be any coming out of it.

you were too comfortable, you needed to challenge yourself by doing this.

because it was just cake. that's all it was.

it was not the monster you'd created it to be in your head. it was a treat, a way of celebrating your life on this earth, a way of showing you that you'd made it another year.

it was just cake.

and if you didn't have it now then you might miss the chance of ever having it again.

so you nodded your head giving wanda permission to light the candles.

natasha kissed your temple. "you got this," she encouraged softly.

your wish was to be at peace for the rest of the night.

seconds later natasha cut a slice of cake for you with a hopeful smile on her face.

natasha was the first eat with wanda following suit. you could tell they were waiting on you although they tried their best not to show it.

your hands were shaky, but after the first few bites it got easier.

"is it good?" wanda questioned. you nodded, "very good. but anything you make is bound to be delicious."

"what about you, nat? do you like it?"

"how could i not?" she teased, sending a wink in wanda's direction.

when you finished, natasha gathered everyones forks and plates into a pile before putting them in the sink. she came back and scooped you in her arms, carrying you into the bedroom.

wanda crawled up next to you shortly after. her face rest comfortably in the crook of your neck looking up at you. "happy birthday, we love you more than you can even imagine."

"and we're proud of you for not only trying, but doing." natasha added. "now do you want to watch something or go to sleep?"

you thought about it for a second, "you can put on whatever, i just want to stay sandwiched between you two."

"well we can make that happen, right nat?"

"i wouldn't want to do anything else."

#natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #black widow x reader #wandanat x reader

[armpirate]

UNDER YOUR SKIN || JJK || Ch. 32

Pairings: tattoist!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, friends to lovers, tattoo au, virgin reader.

Summary: You were awful on anything related to flirting, guys and sex. He was the perfect ladies man. You wanted to get rid of your virginity. And he was there to help you with everything you needed. You didn't have the best start, but that didn't mean you wouldn't have the best of the endings.

Warnings: Public sex, vaginal sex, dirty talk.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

I'm so nervous.

Even before I signed the contract, I was hesitating on whether to sign it or not. I wanted to desperately go back to my comfort zone and serve drinks, just to do what I'm used to and what I know I'm good at. Throwing myself into this feels so strange, so uncomfortable, that I can't help but try to convince myself that I won't be good at this.

The fact that the week ran by, to the point where I wasn't able to mentalize myself with this new job position wasn't of help.

But here I am anyway, walking around the gallery while Jin tries to introduce me to every usual customer that comes in -just so I do it all by myself with new visitors. Yesterday he already explained everything I should be doing today -and from now on. Although he still told me he'd be around for me, I want to leave a good impression by showing I understood my tasks the first time he explained them.

All that tension doesn't take long to disappear when I see Tammy, Soo, Melanie and Mark coming into the gallery, just to cheer me up from the distance as they see me busy with one possible customer. I smile at them, before returning my attention to the brunette middle aged lady that keeps asking me about the artist.

At some point while talking to her, my eyes gather around the gallery, stopping in the main door. Actually, stopping on him.

Jungkook comes in and the whole world seems to go slower. I can't take my eyes away from the way he moves his hands over the fabric of his grey suit to place it correctly, or the way his hair is styled in a messy tail. How can that man be real and be walking around like nothing?

The rest of the evening goes great, I just hang around the gallery waiting for someone to ask for my opinion or looking for my help. And it's all chill and fine until a pair of fingers trace my exposed spine, from my neck to the lowest part. It's crazy how I'm able to know who it is just with his touch, just by the way he makes my whole body react to him.

—You're a tease —Jungkook mentions—. You aren't wearing the set you sent me this afternoon.

I look at him nervously, just to find him smirking at me.

I wasn't thinking of wearing that lace set when I sent him those pics earlier today. Honestly, I wasn't even considering sending him those pics until he sent me a pic of his sweaty body in the gym.

—I would've loved to take it off with my teeth, with you lying on bed the same way you were on that pic.

I gulp hard, seeing that devilish smile one last time before he steps back and goes back to walk around the gallery as if he hasn't said something to set my whole body on fire. Every time I think I might have the upper hand on what we have going on, he comes back to remind me that I don't.

And if I thought he'd be easier on me, he keeps his eye on me during the rest of the exposition, never letting me forget his presence whenever I talk to one of the customers, or even Jin. God, I think his gaze gets more powerful whenever he's around me, and it annoys me because I'm trying to be professional.

And that doesn't change when we decide to go for a few drinks after, to celebrate I was able to sell two drawings on my first night, and made a few customers interested in other artworks. His gaze follows each one of my moves, whenever I drink, whenever I talk to Tammy, whenever I head to the bartender, or when I dare myself to dance with a cute guy that's been eyeing me while I was ordering my drink. His gaze is more intense as the minutes go by, as the hands of this boy go lower on my exposed back. But he doesn't look away, he doesn't move an inch when I look at him with a look full of bad intentions, Jungkook just clenches his jaw and waits. He just waits because he knows he's the one I'll go back home with.

This isn't over though.

When we all leave, and Soo basically forces Jungkook to take me home, I know this will be the night he finally gives in.

Intoxicated by his scent on the jacket he was wearing - that now he gave me so he could drive comfortably, and encouraged by his warmth, I move my hand over his torso, down his stomach, until I reach the beginning of his pants. All the teasing that has been going on these two weeks, all the revealing pics, the high voltage texts, the jealous looks... All has been leading to this.

I know he's hating every moment of our deal right now, I know he's dying to eat back his words when he said he wanted me to see and try to fuck with other guys. I saw it on his fast replies to my underwear pics, when he thought I was wearing them to go on a date. I saw it on the faces he made while I was dancing with other guys tonight. It's all over his voice when he speaks to me ever since he came up with that stupid rule.

The warmth of his body behind me, while his hands were taking full control of mine on the handlebar after the doctor took off the stitches in my hand a few days ago, woke up something inside of me. I've touched myself almost every single night, just with the reminiscence of the look in his eyes while he was handling my movements. Those days he kept taking me to work, and picking me up from the bar. I can't take it anymore.

—If you keep doing that, I won't be responsible for the consequences —he whispers, turning his head slightly to me on a red light.

—What consequences? —I don't stop moving my hand up and down his thigh, getting as near as I can to his crotch, but never as much as being able to touch it.

—I'll stop anywhere and fuck you raw. Like you've been looking for all night.

Those words, his raspy voice and the way his dark eyes are looking at me over his shoulder make me move my hips down, pressing the seat against the throbbing button. But I'm too into it right now to stop, so I move my hand up his leg, pressing my palm on the forming bulge in his pants, while my tongue licks one of his silver earrings hanging on his earlobe.

—What's stopping you?

It's like those words have activated something in him, something he wasn't planning on doing.

Jungkook licks the inside of his cheek, just to end with a sided smile when it gets to his lip. As soon as the red light turns green, he speeds up and looks for the right place until he finds a blind alley.

With a quick move of his feet, he places the stand and waits for me to hop off the motorbike. Jungkook doesn't move from his place, he just slides his body a bit backwards on the seat and pulls me closer to him with his hand.

The kiss is sloppy from the beginning, with our tongues messing with one another as we almost try to eat each other alive. It's so different from any other time we've kissed, it's needy and demanding. Everything we've been holding down these weeks is finally exploding, both of us are finally giving it to what we've been teasing all this time.

Jungkook helps me to hop on the motorbike again, this time straddling his legs without breaking the kiss. He wastes no time, sliding my panties aside, so he can directly slide two of his fingers through my slit, repeating that same movement a few times until I throw myself to his belt, desperate to take it off and unzip his pants.

I'm so into the kiss and what's to come that I'm not even aware of when he got a condom out of his wallet. But I moan when he lifts my body, cupping my ass cheeks in his hands, and fills me slowly, letting me get used to him inch by inch for the first time in weeks.

We moan into each other's mouths when he's fully inside. Electricity runs through my veins at the sensation of finally being connected to him like this after so long. His hands on my ass and thighs try to encourage me to move, but I stay in the same position. Moving my hips in circles, I lick his jar, from his chin to his earlobe, getting that so awaited groan.

—What do you want?

—Cocktease... —he chuckles nervously— Don't try to make me beg, because I want to fuck you stupid the same way you want my cock buried deep down your cunt.

My pussy clenching unconsciously around him after his words just make him smirk. No words were needed, because my own body has betrayed me to let him know he's right. I'm so down for this, I'd probably have a meltdown if something interrupted us right now.

I kiss him again, sticking my tongue in his mouth to shut the gasps and moans that come from every move I make as he fills me up. His teeth catch my lower lip, pulling from it while his eyes fix on mine with hunger. I swear he could make me cum just by looking at me that way.

I try my best to move my hips to take all of his, under the direction of his hands on my skin, digging on my flesh as if he were trying to control himself from going rougher. But we both fall back to reality when my moves come up more clumsy and arrhythmic than expected, we both remember this is my second time doing something like this. It doesn't matter how bad I try, I'm sure I'm killing the vibe right now.

—Babe —he stops my moves.

I slowly stop jumping on him, afraid of him saying the wait wasn't worth it, scared of him realizing he could be doing way better than this.

—You're doing great, but I really need to fuck your brains out right now —he kisses my chin—. Turn around.

I look at him confused, but that smile he throws at me makes me move. I'm scared to stumble with my heels when I'm going to set my feet on the ground, but Jungkook holds my arm all the time so I don't lose my balance. Although it doesn't take me long to sit back on the motorbike, this time as if I were the one driving it. He moves my body carefully, setting my belly over the gas tank, lifting my hips slightly from the leather seat. It's so weird, and maybe I feel too exposed, but the way he lifts my dress and jacket over my ass, slides my panties to the sides the most he can so he's able to rub his tip against my entrance, is making me go crazy right now.

He slides in slowly, inch by inch, but it's the only time he goes slow from now on. Once his pelvis reaches my ass cheeks and his balls rest against my open folds, he starts moving faster. Jungkook thrusts into me, in and out, in a drilling way that makes me go insane and eager for more, if that's even possible. The motorbike under us moves constantly. I'm afraid it might fall at some point.

—Nobody else will fuck you like this, baby. I'm the only one that can make you feel this good —he groans. 

He still tries to place my body properly, by cupping my hips in his hands and lowering them. And I know he's sure of what he's doing, because with the next thrust my clit rubs directly against the leather, and it does over and over again, with each thrust. Few minutes later, I'm close to being a moaning mess, and I would be if Jungkook hadn't covered my mouth with his hand.

—You know I love your moans, but save them for later —he warns with his shaky voice.

His cock twitches deep inside, forcing him to fall over my back and bite on my shoulder to keep himself from moaning.

He leaves me hanging near the edge right when I need him the most, and I start to think he might leave me hanging there as a revenge for everything that's been happening these two weeks, when he pulls out.

But of course he doesn't.

Jungkook sits back in his place, dragging my body with him so I'm sitting still. With one hand still on my mouth, his other hand rubs circles on my clit. Just a few more delicate traces, and I'm totally done in his arms, shutting my whimpers with his palm.

He finally frees my mouth, but two of his fingers grab my chin to turn my face to him while I'm still recovering from my high.

—You think I'm done with you? —he asks, his fast breathing making his words sound shaky still— No, this was just the starter so you stop teasing me while I drive. I think you've had enough fun these two weeks. It's my turn.

The hand on my chin falls on my thigh, clapping it while he licks the same fingers that made me explode in a matter of seconds. And just after that, he kisses me deep, letting me taste myself in his mouth while he places my underwear properly, just to do the same thing with his own clothes right after.

He pulls me in for a long kiss once we enter the lift, grabbing me by the nape to get my body to be all over his. When Jungkook wraps his arms around me, I'm almost convinced I could stay like this forever. Well, at least until the ring in the lift sounds.

I see myself in the reflection of the mirror when we separate, and he holds my hand to walk out with me, just to see a reddish march on my shoulder.

—You, asshole, look at what you did.

—Should I kiss it better? —he raises his eyebrows, looking at me fast before he opens the door to his house.

I take off my shoes and his jacket as we enter his place, trying to get more comfortable while he heads to the kitchen and asks me what I want to drink.

—You.

And just as fast as that word leaves my mouth, and I see his head peeking over the door, I realize it sounded better in my head.

—Me? You want to drink me? —he starts walking in my direction.

—I was trying to sound flirty.

I see him chuckling, looking at me with sparkly eyes, just to lift my body and sitting me over the backrest right after. His soft and gentle hands go over my calves, going up to my thighs, lifting the thin fabric of my dress with no effort.

—You don't need to be flirty with me —he whispers on my lips—. You already got me wrapped around your finger.

Jungkook gets rid of my dress, throwing it over my shoulder on the couch, just to have both of his hands back on my thighs, just to start a trip over my body. He smirks when he gets to my black lace thong.

I did end up wearing the set of lingerie I sent him earlier this afternoon, at least half of it, although he wasn't able to appreciate it because we were in a rush just a few minutes ago. And now that he's able to see it on me directly, he looks at me with black tinted eyes, I can almost read everything that's going through his mind right now.

His hands keep moving up over my torso, his fingers setting a burning trail in between my tits until he gets to my jaw. They wrap around my skin carefully, holding my face before he kisses me the softest way he's ever done. I trace his lip with the tip of my tongue, only because I wanted to lick that lip ring that makes me go insane. He chuckles in my mouth, breaking the kiss just to move his over my cheek and jaw.

—You have no idea the pull you have on me —Jungkook keeps moving lower on me, following the trail of the caresses from minutes ago—. I've gone crazy these last two weeks.

I stop breathing when he starts kneeling in front of me, stopping his mouth on my thong. As if I were reading his mind, I lift my hips, supporting my weight on both hands resting on the backrest. And I'm unable to deal with the feeling that goes through my body, from head to toe, when his teeth bite on my mound, just right over where my slit starts, to pull the fabric down. But of course he isn't done with pushing me over the edge. When he finally gets rid of the only clothing I had left, he goes up again, setting a trail of kisses from my ankle, up to my leg and inner thigh, always keeping eye contact with me.

My pussy clenches around nothing when he places both of my legs on his shoulders, and bends over just to give a teasing lick on my clit. It's crazy how he's setting my whole body on fire just with that, just with the feeling of his tongue gently digging through my folds while his gaze burns my skin.

He doesn't stay down there long enough though. His lips move up my torso again, while his hand cups my pussy instead. His palm rubs my clit, while two of his fingers tease my entrance, and his tongue circles one of my nipples -just to do the right same thing with the other.

—What do you want? —he asks, when he returns to my lips.

My eyelids feel heavy and that hard gaze coming from him is making me go insane. I want him, all of him. Absolutely everything Jungkook wants to give me right now.

—Fuck me —I trace his tattoos with the tips of my fingers—. Make me regret these two weeks.

Not like I'd really regret them, because i'd do it a thousand times just to have us like this again.

Jungkook just smirks. Of course he already had that in mind. He takes a condom from his wallet, and holds it in between his teeth while he takes his black t-shirt off. Eager to rush this as much as possible, I take his belt off and unzip his pants, making him spring free. He wastes no time wrapping the condom around him.

He slides inside with just one move, head resting on mine while his hands keep me in place. He pulls back slowly, letting me feel him inch by inch, until only his tip is inside. His dick fills me completely with a hard thrust that makes me hold onto his upper arms, while my clit throbs at the mere sound of our bodies clapping.

—Keep your eyes on me —he commands, as he starts a faster pace on my pussy.

—Kook —I moan, as he moves my body so his tip can rub over one spot that totally breaks me.

—Look at you right now —he breathes heavily—. Such a fucking mess for me.

My whole body moves because of the roughness of his thrusts, my mind is going wild and my body has escaped my own control. I don't even know at this point, because I can only see his eyes, my mind is filled with him.

He knows by the way I'm moaning right now that I'm just a dirty word away from jumping off a cliff. And he wants to see me jumping from the edge, he wants it as much as I do. That's why he rubs my clit in circles, in sync with his thrusts.

I know looking down was the worst decision I could ever take, because the combination of his cock coated with my juices and his fingers playing with me make me go insane.

—Uh-huh, see how good this pussy is taking me.

I cup his face in my hands, looking at him deep in the eyes when I get that familiar feeling before everything ends, running over me to leave nothing else. My nails dig on the skin of his neck and shoulders, letting myself go with a moan that I'm surprised it has come out from me.

Jungkook isn't done though. His dick still deep inside me, and that dark look just tell me there's much to come yet.

He lifts me in the air, my legs wrapped around his waist, after he got rid of his pants that were still around his ankles. Something changes in the way he looks at me, as he sets me on his bed carefully, just to join me right after. His touch, the kiss... everything feels different. He's gone from rough to passionate in a matter of seconds.

He fucks me slowly, taking his time to enjoy every single stroke, every kiss, every look.

—I can't stand thinking of others seeing you like this —he admits, breaking the kiss—. I want to be the only one making you go crazy with my hands, my mouth, my cock. I don't care —he bites my chin—. But I want to be the only one.

The tickles in my belly, combined with the pleasure, is a way better combination that something else I could've ever tried. And how he holds me, our hands intertwined at both sides of my head... He's the only person I could ever think of doing this with.

#fanfic #ff #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkookxreader #jk #bts #wattpad #kookie #smut #jungkook smut #tattoistjk #tattooau #Under Your Skin #armpirate

[aussie-the-hedgehog]

The Confession

“Now, it’s your turn.”

Izuku couldn’t help but hear those words resonate in his mind.

Those words from All Might may have seemed meaningless to the crowd that cheered him on when he took down All for One once and for all (at least so it seemed). But to him, it meant a lot more.

As the ninth and final wielder of One for All, he knew it was his turn to become the next Symbol of Peace.

He’s had his victorious bouts against the likes of Overhaul and Gentle Criminal, but he lost a dreadful battle against a reawakened Tomura Shigaraki that decimated a city and killed thousands of people.

It led him on a path of isolation that resulted him in leaving U.A. High so he could protect his school from harm. He wanted to take down Shigaraki and All for One himself since he assumed it was the best thing. The villains were all squared on him, so it seemed efficient.

It was far from efficient. He wore himself down from lack of rest and support. It took strong resolve from his classmates to bring him back, centered around a heartfelt apology from Katsuki Bakugo and a resounding speech from Ochaco Uraraka that convinced the crowd to let Izuku back into U.A.

“That all felt like weeks ago,” Midoriya thought to himself as he took in the sunrise from the front of his class dorm building. “I owe my friends so much for what they did.”

He was armed in his hero attire, mentally preparing himself for whatever might come his way in this final battle.

“I’m ready,” Izuku assured himself. “Whatever happens today, I know I’m not alone.”

“This sunrise is gorgeous, isn’t it?” Izuku heard a faint voice in the distance.

He turned back to look who was there. It was none other than Ochaco herself. She stood at the front door of the dormitory. She was donning her hero gear and ready for whatever might happen today.

“Care if I join you?” Uraraka asked.

“Yeah.. no problem,” Izuku started sweating a bit, realizing his crush would take this in with him.

The two walked onto the sidewalk of the dorms to get a better view of the breathtaking sunrise.

Ochaco seemed to be her normal self, albeit with a hushed tone. “So, do you think you can win? Do you think you have what it takes to defeat All for One?”

“Yes, I’m confident I’ll be victorious today,” Izuku boldly replied. “I have to win - for mom, All Might, my classmates, and the world. Everyone is counting on me. But I know I’ll have you all fighting along with me. We can do this.”

The fire in Midoriya’s eyes were evident. He arose from his season of isolation a different person. It was those like Ochaco who helped him realize he can let others carry his burdens. They are all in this cause together.

Uraraka was delighted to know the old Izuku she knew and loved had returned.

“I’m glad you’re doing better, Deku,” she muttered quietly. “I was so worried we would lose you for good. You mean so much to all of us. You have helped us grow as people and heroes - much more than you could imagine.”

“Thank you, Uraraka. That means a lot,” Midoriya answered. “I’m sorry I did that to all of you. I rashly thought fighting the villains alone was the answer, that I was protecting you all. In the end, I did no one any protection. I only further endangered you all by not being there for you myself. It was so selfish of me,” Deku failed to hold back tears.

“Deku…” Uraraka softly placed her hand on his cheek, trying to console him. “Don’t blame yourself for that. It’s in the past. We’re still with you and we love you.”

“Leave it behind,” she said as Izuku collapsed in her arms. He was still feeling the emotions of what transpired before. His friends went through hell to save him from himself.

Midoriya was ready, but the regrets he felt from his vigilante act were harassing him.

“I don’t know why I was so ready to abandon you all,” he sobbed on her shoulder. “I was so stupid to leave behind all the memories and friendships we all fostered.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered quietly. “Let it all out my friend. I am here.”

The crying would persist for a few more moments.

“Thank you,” he said as the tears relented. Stepping back from her, he reflected, “You know, we have gone through a lot, haven’t we? It just seemed like yesterday I met you and we faced off against Kacchan and Ida in the opening hero exam.”

Izuku went on, "The sports festival, growing through our internships and work studies, passing the hero license exam, taking down Chisaki and rescuing Eri, putting on a show at the U.A. festival, winning the joint training battles against Class B, and this whole war. We have all grown substantially in our quirks too! This has only been our first year at U.A.! Imagine what will happen in the coming years."

Uraraka softly chuckled, "Yeah! It's been pretty incredible. My martial arts have greatly improved thanks to Gunhead, and my quirk usage has gotten stronger as well."

"But above all else, Deku, I've learned one thing above all - I want to be that person to save the heroes when they're the ones needing protection. That's what drove me to reach out to you when your Black Whip quirk first activated. It also inspired me to try to rally the people at U.A. to let you back into the academy. "

She continued, "You inspire me so much Deku. I've told you that from the outset, but seeing you constantly get back up and move past adversity is what I lo- uh... admire so much about you." She blushed in embarrassment in almost spilling the beans.

Midoriya blushed as well, "Thank you Uraraka. That... means a lot."

"Listen... I have something to tell you," he muttered.

Her eyes and ears perked up with intrigue.

He continued, "If by some chance either of us don't make it out of today, I wanted to let you know how I feel about you."

Both tried to stay composed.

"From the day we met, your compassion and desire to help people was so evident. From saving me from tripping over my own foot... to getting Shinso to snap me out of Black Whip, I've seen your mark everywhere. You do it all so you can support your parents in their impoverishment. Your mix of selfless love and drive is what attr- no, I mean.. makes you such a good friend" Deku's face was bright red.

"Wow, Deku, thanks for saying all that," she sheepishly answered.

"You brought me back to U.A., and I owe you a lot," he said.

The two stood in silence for what felt like forever. It only seemed a matter of time at this point.

"I.. I...I..." she stammered as she struggled to get the words out.

Deku's heart was beating out of his chest. He had a feeling what was coming.

"I love you, Izuku Midoriya," she softly spat out.

Deku's heart exploded, but kept it reserved.

"I love you too, Ochaco Uraraka."

The two came together, giving each other a big hug. As they moved out of the hug and made direct eye contact with the other, they came together for a tender kiss. Their feelings were finally realized.

"FINALLY!" came a loud scream from a distance. It sounded like Mina...

The two moved out of the kiss and looked behind them to see the whole class standing in celebration at the front doors.

"I CALLED IT!" Ashido exclaimed as she dashed toward the two lovers. "I knew you two would be a thing all along!"

"It's about time, you damn nerd!" Bakugo exclaimed as he came up to Deku, slamming his hand on his back. "You had the hots for her since we started here!"

"Wow, how did you guess Kacchan..." Deku smiled in confusion. He still could not wrap his head around the fact he kissed a girl.

"Ochaco, we all saw this from a mile away!" Tsuyu Asui proclaimed. "Despite your denial, it was all too obvious (Ribbit)."

Uraraka chuckled, "Tsu, you know me so well."

"I didn't have to know you to understand your crush on Midoriya," she replied.

The class took a few moments to celebrate the newfound couple. Everyone knew Izuku and Ochaco liked each other. They knew it was only a matter of time before the flower bloomed.

After the elation died down, they turned to the cause at hand.

it was time for the final battle.

Midoriya looked to his classmates, hand in hand with Uraraka.

"Alright guys," he said. "We've come a long way since our entrance exams. Let's give it all we got. We gotta give these villains everything we have, and never give up no matter what! May we all go beyond!"

"PLUS ULTRA!" the whole class shouted.

Ochaco looked at Deku with confidence, believing in all the words he uttered. It was relieving she could let out those strong feelings she's had since she met him.

That relief was mutual.

Deku looked back at her with equal assurance. Now that the feelings were in the open, their determination for the coming day grew to even greater heights.

Love is a powerful weapon against the forces of evil. Not much (if at all) can stand with it.

Izuku Midoriya and Ochaco Uraraka have unlocked the door of their love for the other. There's no question they can use it to their full potential as they take on the day - whatever may come.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #izuocha #fanfic #izuku midoriya #ochako uraraka #deku x uraraka #mha #dekuraka #dekusquad #all might #one for all #all for one #class 1a #plus ultra #ua high #final war #deku #midoriya izuku #uraraka ochacho #uraraka ochako #bnha deku #bnha ochako #vigilante izuku #uravity

[kpopgirl1234bl]

Happy pride baby 💖 let's get some fluff and comfort, Omega reader letting out a distressed chirp and her alpha goes all overprotective with shoto, hawks and bakugou pls?

I am so sorry this took so long!!!!!!

I actually really love this request, you definitely gave me a challenge with this. Thank you so much for this request.

Pairing: Alpha! Shoto Todoroki x Fem!reader Alpha! Hawks x Fem!reader Alpha! Bakugou Katsuki x Fem!reader

Word count: 2, 208

Summary: You are suddenly put in a stressful situation, you are caught so off-guard that you don't know what to do. Thankfully, your alpha decides to step in at the right time.

Warnings: violence, paparazzi, being surrounded by people, Blade, mental health issues. Bottling up emotions, stress, stalking.

Shoto Todoroki

It started like any other day, But today took a different turn. 

UA had recently gotten home new training robots that could adjust to the individual student quirks and levels. 

These training robots had been tested thoroughly by the school to make sure they wouldn't harm anyone training with them. 

When the class got to know that we would be the first students to try these new robots, everyone got pretty hyped since they had heard many good things about these new training robots. 

Everyone arrived at the training grounds, and almost everyone started gushing over the robots, but you thought they looked intimidating.

Shoto sensed your unease and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. 

Shoto's presence and smell always seemed to calm you down. You smiled and gave him a reassuring nod. 

Since there were only a few robots, Aizawa-Sensei divided the class into groups and sent them to their respective robot. 

Sadly, your and Shoto's quirks were very different, but at least you were in a group with Sero and Mina. 

When Sero and Mina both had their turn with the robot, it was finally your turn. Seeing both Sero and Mina fight the robot, you were excited to fight the robot. 

Aizawa-Sensei had showed you all how to adjust the robot, and so you did. When you had modified it, you closed the control panel and waited for it to start.

The robot stood up straight, found you, and initiated the fight. The robot landed a few hits on you, but nothing too hard. You could hear both Sero and Mina cheering for you in the background. 

Once you had "captured" The robot, it would turn itself off, as it had done with both Sero and Mina, once it had realized it had no way of getting out of their whole. 

You had successfully captured the robot, and it turned itself off. You cheered, happy to have successfully taken down the robot.

You began walking over to Sero and Mina, but the robot had decided that the fight wasn't over yet. 

You smiled and waved at Sero and Mina and did not notice the robot standing up again. 

Sero And mina tried the warn you, but it was too late. Before you react, the robot had you pinned to the ground. 

Your fight or flight response kicked in, and of course, you decided to fight back. 

You wrestled with the robot to gain the upper hand and hopefully gain the chance to turn it off manually. 

But no matter what you did, you never gained the upper hand. The robot slammed you to the ground and threw you around. You never even had a chance to react before it attacked you again.

Sero and Mina had long alerted Aizawa-Sensei, and he desperately tried to stop the robot, but to no avail.

The robot threw you quite far across the training field. You landed on your back, knocking all air out of your lungs. 

You turned your head towards the robot and saw it walking towards you. Seeing the robot unlock a switchblade from its arm made you panic, and you tried to escape. 

Pain shot through your foot, and you collapsed onto the ground. You were full-on panicking, having no air nor energy to fight. 

"Shoto!!!" You tried to scream, but it only came out as a chirp. You continued to chirp until the robot was dangerously closer. 

The robot stepped on your bad, and you screamed. You looked back and saw it had raised its blade, ready to stab you like a dying animal. 

"Shoto!!!" Your voice rang out, and you felt an arm wrap around your shoulders. 

When you looked, you saw Shoto holding you with wide eyes and his right arm outstretched in front of you.

You looked and saw how close the robot had gotten to stabbing you. You squeaked, and tears started welling up in your eyes. 

"Y/N!!!" Everyone came running over to you and Shoto. 

"Y/n! Are you okay?! Here, let me-" Mina tried to help you, but Shoto wouldn't have it. 

"Don't touch her!?" He glared at Mina, and Mina froze once she made eye contact. She felt shivers down her spine and stepped back. 

Aizawa-Sensei saw the scene play out and sighed. 

"Todoroki, get her to Recovery Girl, make sure she doesn't get any more hurt," Aizawa told Shoto. He nodded and carefully picked you up.

Shoto stayed with you The whole time you were with Recovery Girl. She instructed Shoto to remain by your side to assure you didn't injure yourself even more. 

Safe to say, Shoto never left your side. 

Hawks

Having Keigo as a boyfriend had its ups and downs. Of course, any relationship had.

Despite being the number two hero, he always tried to make time for you, even if it was just a few minutes. 

That was one of the many pros of dating Keigo, but of course. There were cons too. 

Even though you and Keigo tried to hide your relationship, people quickly found out anyway. 

Keigo also tried to hide your identity, but since he had taken a lot of selfies, it didn't take them long. 

People recognized you when you were out in public just doing your daily life. Most of the time, it wasn't too bad. Most people understood partners of heroes didn't want to be bothered. Most of the time, if people recognized you, they just wanted a selfie with you, which you were okay with,

But sometimes, being in the public eye wasn't always as peaceful as you'd like it to be. 

When people asked you for selfies, they often posted them immediately on social media, which alerted the paparazzi to your whereabouts. And getting away from the paparazzi was a nightmare in itself. 

You eventually stopped taking pictures with people to avoid this scenario from happening. 

That didn't stop people from taking pictures of you and saying they saw you in public at this place and time. You could be grocery shopping, and the next thing you know, you could be swarmed by the media. 

Eventually, you had had enough and decided to do your grocery shopping from home. It may have been more expensive overall, but anything to avoid being swarmed by the media and paparazzi. 

But whenever you had to go outside, you dreaded it. The amount of anxiety you felt whenever you left your home was not a healthy amount. 

Unfortunately, you had to leave your house today since you had a meeting at work today. 

You got dressed up and hoped it wouldn't get anyone's attention. You also decided to wear a mask to conceal your identity a bit.

You got everything and walked and called a cab. 

When you arrived, you paid the cabbie and got out of the cab. You made sure you were presentable before walking the short distance to the front doors. 

"Hey, isn't that y/n. Hawks' girlfriend?" You overheard, and you felt your heartbeat pick up. 

"Oh yeah, I think it is. let's go." You heard another voice say. You picked up your speed, trying to avoid talking to anyone. 

"Hey, Y/n! Wait up." One of them shouted, but you ignored them. Sadly, they weren't the only ones there. 

"Miss L/n, Care for an interview?" A media person asked you. 

"Sorry, I have a meeting-" You didn't even finish your answer before the next one came at you. 

"Miss L/n, is it true that you and Hawks are seeing other people?" Another person asked. This question bewildered you. 

"Huh? What are you talking about?" You looked confused at the person. 

"Miss L/n, can you look this way!" You heard a person from behind you. 

You tried to move forward, but before you knew it, the media and paparazzi had surrounded you. 

People were shouting your name from every angle, which caused you to become overwhelmed. 

Your mind had long forgotten the meeting. It was just looking for an escape. When you couldn't find one, your mind caved in on itself. You sink to the ground. 

You wanted to get away, and by instinct, you began calling out for your mate. 

You suddenly felt the wind fly past your ears, and you smelt the familiar scent of your mate. 

"I'm sorry, guys. But I think you should leave." Keigo glared at the people. They immediately stopped the questioning and took a step back from the two of you. 

Keigo pulled you closer and wrapped his wings around you to protect you even more. Keigo did not like these people. 

The aura around him told the people he wasn't messing around, and they slowly started to walk away and leave you two alone. 

Keigo felt you grab onto his jacket and place your head on his chest. 

"It's okay, love bird, they're gone now. You're okay." Keigo placed his hand on your head and kissed your forehead. 

Keigo knew you always felt safer in his arms.

Bakugou

This week has been torture, and it wasn't even over yet. 

School work has been stressing you out. Training hasn't been going too well either. 

Plus, On your most recent patrol with your internship, you had received a nasty injury. Your agency had asked you to take a break until it had completely healed. 

It didn't bother you that much at the start, but as you listened to your classmate's internships, it began to weigh on you. You began feeling useless and felt like you were slowing everyone down. 

You didn't want to bother your classmates or your boyfriend, Bakugou. But bottling up emotion never did anything for anyone in the end. 

But yet here you were, bottling up your emotions. 

As you walked into the dorm, you greeted the people who were in the living area. 

They told you they were about to watch a movie and asked if you wanted to watch it with them. You passed the offer since you were tired and just wanted to lay down for a while. 

Once you entered your room, you tossed your bag into a corner and flopped into your bed. You took one deep breath and felt your whole body relax as you breathed out.

You flipped around. You pulled out your phone and decided to scroll through social media for a while. 

You got bored of that pretty fast and decided to do your homework. Not that you wanted to, but you didn't want to do it last minute. 

Everything was going great until that one question. 

You wracked your brain on how to solve the problem, and soon your self-doubt started kicking in. 

Whispering in your ear how stupid you were, how you were holding everyone back. 

These thoughts began crowding your mind, and soon the first tears fell from your cheek. It didn't take long for that one tear to turn into more tears.

The thoughts didn't stop but came flooding in. Your mind had consumed you so much you didn't notice you were chirping. Your breathing became irregular, and you could feel the pain. 

Bakugou was walking past your room when he heard your chirping. A cold sensation ran down his back. 

He walked over to your door and listened, but all he could hear was your painful chirping. 

He entered your room without knocking, wanting to get to you as fast as possible. When he entered, he saw you hunched over your desk and your hands placed on your head. 

You didn't even notice bakugou had entered your room. Your thoughts had corrupted your mind so much that you had cut everything else around you off. 

"Hey." Bakugou tried to call out to you, but you didn't respond or react to him. 

"Hey, idiot." He called out again but got the same result. He walked closer and gently placed a hand on your shoulder. 

"Y/n." He gently stroked your arm, and he felt you tense up. 

"It's okay. You're okay. I'm here. No one is going to hurt you." Bakugou continued to stroke your arm. 

He felt you relax a little but didn't stop stroking your arm. 

"It's okay, breathe. In and out." He felt you breathe more evenly. 

Bakugou wanted to do more to calm you down, but that wasn't what you needed right now. 

Bakugou remained with you until he felt your breathing go back to normal.

"Hey, You okay?" Bakugou asked you.

"Mm-hmm." You nodded but didn't face him. 

"I know you don't want to talk about what just happened, so how about I just cuddle you?" Bakugou asked you. He chuckled as he saw you visibly perk up.

"Come on then." You felt Bakugou pick you up from the chair. He placed you on the bed and crawled in after. 

As he laid down beside you, you snuggled as close as you could to him. Bakugou pulled you closer and kept his arms tightly around you. 

You felt Bakugou kiss your head, and as you inhaled his scent, you could feel yourself drift off. 

"Thank you, katsuki." You said before you drifted off to sleep. 

"Anytime, baby. Anytime." Bakugou whispered. 

From that day on, Bakugou made sure to check in more often. Just like you did to him. 

#boku no hero academia #bnha #my hero academia #mha #shoto #shoto todoroki #Shoto #bnha shoto todoroki #mha shoto todoroki #bnha shoto #mha shoto #shoto todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #Keigo #keigo takami #hawks #bnha keigo takami #mha keigo takami #bnha hawks #mha hawks #keigo takami x reader #hawks x reader #Bakugou #bakugou katsuki #dynamight #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha bakugo katsuki #bnha dynamight #mha dynamight

[dinosaurchurch]

This was my twenties, an entire decade gone just like that.

For some funny reason when I started, I didn't think I'd get this far. Thirty definitely seemed like a lifetime away but here I am. After going through some of the toughest and sweetest times in my life I'm closing this chapter for good.

Sometimes I'd wonder what past me would think about the person I am today, would she be okay with the outcome or would she wish for something different? Would I have changed anything if I knew what was going to happen? The past decade has definitely been a learning curve, I think it was mainly discovering myself and knowing that other people too are on this journey is very humbling. Albeit not everyone goes at the same pace and some never do find themselves.

If I can say anything is my fiery side doesn't crop up nearly as often as it used to but that doesn't mean the flame has died. I've come to be a little more wise when choosing my battles because time isn't infinite or at least it isn't in this life. I'm only here for a small while so I might as well get the best out of it. Learning to channel my energy where it really counts is something I've gotten comfortable with.

Over the course of my twenties I've battled obesity, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self doubt, and moments of weakness. I've also achieved some great things for myself. I've gotten DIVE just about finished (it's currently sitting at almost 650 pages), I've improved greatly as an artist, got better at cooking/baking, picked up powerlifting and have gotten decently strong, and I'm happier than I've ever been. Progress is not always linear but the main thing is to keep pushing, even in my lows there was still something to cherish and appreciate.

My twenties have been about pushing my comfort zone and learning to swim with the tide rather than feeling like I'm drowning. It's been tough but without hardship I wouldn't be me. Spite the hell I went through I don't think I'd change how everything happened. Every one and everything had something to provide with the time and the place that they were for me regardless of if the experience was positive or negative.

There's been a lot that's come and gone in my journey - people, places. Having found a life long romance deepen to saying my final goodbye to a handful of people that have passed away, it's been very bittersweet. My twenties certainly has been riding the hurricane through to the other side, even passing through the eye not knowing what else is to come other than I have to weather the storm. I've burned more bridges than I can count but the one thing that hasn't wavered is my moral integrity.

That's probably the biggest thing I've achieved over the past decade. I know who I am and where I'm going with myself. I may not know entirely what the future holds but I've got a guideline written up for myself on the goals I want to accomplish over the next decade. I may never be perfect but it doesn't mean that I can't try to be the best version of me that I can.

It's a good feeling knowing that I've crossed off some major things on my goal list. I've completely mellowed over the course of the past few years especially, my twenties definitely have held some of the hardest mental battles I'm sure I'll ever face. The inner turmoil of leaving things unsaid, having to walk away when necessary is something that's an underrated skill but it's something I've had to learn.

All in all I’m happy to move forward with the next chapter of my life, although I’ll never forget the memories I made over the past ten years. There were absolutely some great highlights that I’m sure I’ll probably mention at some point.

Onward and upward.

Cheers to thirty.

#personal #birthday #summer 2023 #twenties #thirties #hello thirties #30th birthday #inner thoughts #looking back #closure #looking ahead #reminiscing #introspection #self reflection #happy birthday #another trip around the sun #selfie

[sweetbillwriting]

The Stranger I Love

4 - Green Calcite

Description: Misha and Axel lives a bohemian life together and they love each other dearly even though Axel's mood swings have made it difficult for them. When Axel starts to change, so does their relationship and Misha start to feel like she lives with a stranger.

Characters: AU Axel Cluney (Zeitgeist) from Deadpool 2 played by Bill Skarsgård. The rest is my own original characters.

Warnings: 18+, drugs, alcohol, drunkeness, mental health problems, toxic relationships, jealousy, cheating.

Notes: This is told from a first person's perspective as you know so remember it is from her view, her narrative. I also want to say thank you to @b-afterhours who always take time to proofread my chapters.

I heard a loud pop when I walked through the door. I was wet from the rain, autumn had come early this year and Axel's and my relationship had also grown colder. Two weeks of no sex, two weeks of seeing him dissappear out to run or take his bike to his father.

At first, I couldn't place the sound but I peeked into the kitchen and saw Axel pouring up my favorite cava in one of my crystal champagne glasses. It looked like he had tried to dress up and wore his most fitted black jeans and the khaki green button up I used to steal from him. I felt underdressed in leggings and his hoodie but I had also worked ten hours.

"What's this?" I asked and walked closer to him. Axel smiled wide. I hadn't seen that smile for a long time and I wanted to kiss his dimple and the other one on the side of his chin. But I didn't. It didn't feel like we were that kind of couple anymore.

Axel took a deep breath and gave me a glass.

"I'm going to be a student in two weeks," he said and smiled nervously. "Furniture design at the design school. Dad helped me put in a late application and today they called. They said they were happy I had applied and that my work sample was impressive."

I could see Axel's eyes were shiny, he rarely heard he was good at anything. He had been a burden in most settings he was in, it started in school and since then he had been caught in that thought. It surprised me he dared to apply but I was happy for him but it wasn't the feeling that took over.

I smiled at Axel but didn't know what to say. He had really been a burden throughout his school time. The only reason he gained his degree was because he cheated on his final exam. During most of his school time he had stood outside smoking and mocked teachers. Could he really handle school now? We couldn't afford for him to fail, we probably couldn't even afford the house if he became a student. This felt like a bad thoughtless idea. Probably another of his ideas to become a new person.

I smiled at Axel and cheered with him but after some sips it was probably quite obvious for Axel that I couldn't fully celebrate with him.

"Dad has said he will help us with money and I will try to get a weekend job." He said, trying to persuade me. I sighed a little and put the glass down on the kitchen table.

"That's great Axe but… Will you really be able to study? I mean, you have hated to do so all your life." I looked, examining him and I almost regretted it when I saw his hurt expression.

"Misha… Fucking hell…" I could hear in his voice that this was the moment before get really angry. Now he just stood quiet and breathed loudly like he didn't know what to say.

"Will you really sit and listen to some dude talking for hours? And you will probably have exams, would you study for them weeks in advance?"

Axel's jaw worked from side to side while his breathing became heavier. When he had stood that way a while he trusted himself to speak again.

"It’s really starting to feel like you are holding me back. I'm trying to fucking do something with myself but you just want me to just sit and mold."

"That's not true!" I almost interrupted him. "I am just trying to be realistic, Axe and I don't know what cloud you live on these days. These changes you do feel so forced and I don't get why you suddenly must rush these changes."

Axel started to walk in small circles in the kitchen with his fingers entwined in his neck. Could he just explode in rage so we could get it over? Right now it was just annoying and a bit scary to not know when he would get angry. Earlier I had known when he would become angry (all the time) so I was prepared.

"Fuck… This doesn't feel good at all Misha… I’m taking a walk to dad‘s place."

I shrugged frustratedly. Was this the new Axel? Running away from a conflict? Would we ever be able to just fight through some things?

Axel walked to the bedroom to change clothes. I stood behind in the kitchen, looking at the bottle of cava and our glasses. We hadn't drank much. It didn't become a celebration like Axel wanted it to. I felt some remorse but knew inside that I must say those things. It was best to just say it at once. Axel came out from the bedroom in his running clothes.

"Will your dad even be up now? It's 11 pm."

"Yeah, you know, his insomnia. He is always awake." He said distantly and put on his Nike shoes. I just stood and looked at him. He had a black cap on, a tight pair of track pants and black t-shirt that hugged his biceps. It was a big contrast to the guy he had been just a few months ago. He looked really good but it was hard to confess, I would miss the skinny angry guy I got together with.

"You look good, Axel. You look… So healthy," He smiled a bit strained and leaned down to give me a dry kiss on the cheek then disappeared out in the rain I had come in from just twenty minutes ago.

It felt like mine and Axel's relationship started to near the end. We had problems communicating, I didn't trust him and wondered if he cheated on me and I couldn't support his new life choices. Axel didn't sleep at home that night, he sent a text that he would sleep at his fathers house but I wondered if it actually was a girl, or maybe even a guy. He maybe ran to the lonely guy renting a house at his father's grounds. There was a rumour of him being gay and liking younger men. But Axel probably was too old for him. Or he just ran to the closest bus stop and took the bus into the city and went to an orgie party or something. Or a book club with young beautiful house wives. It could be anything or anyone. Axel had always been unpredictable but now it was even worse.

×

The next day his father's truck parked in front of our garage but I didn't react so much to it. Axel had probably borrowed it from his father. That's why I was also surprised when Oscar Cluney walked in through our door instead of his son. I stood in just a towel, just coming out from the shower and looked at the tall man confused.

"Hey Misha… Maybe I should have knocked?" He said and looked around in the hallway. It was crowded with my weird thrift shop finds and Axel's self made dressers.

"No, no. No one knocks here. Can I help you with something?" I said and fixed my towel so a boob wouldn’t fall out.

"Do you maybe have a cup of coffee to give? That would be nice. I will wait for you on the couch."

He walked to our living room like he owned the place and as the biggest owner of the land around here I guess it was his right.

I first went to the bedroom to put on something. The only thing I could accept wearing was Axel's black t-shirt and sweatpants. Then I went to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. I wonder why Axel's father was here and felt a bad feeling in my stomach. He wouldn't be here just to chat about the weather.

I served coffee to Oscar and I in our biggest blue mugs and sat down opposite him in my velvety green armchair.

Oscar sipped the coffee and sat silent for a half minute and watched the cats lie in a cuddly pile on a patterned blanket on the floor.

"Sorry, you must wonder why I'm here," he said when he felt my eyes on him. When he didn't get an answer he sighed and once again watched the cats.

"You and Axel have been together for many years now and… yeah it was a surprise to see him with a girl again after Zoey… And you have been really good to him."

I nodded but thought about Zoey. The tattoo he had on his biceps but didn't ask any more even if I didn't know who she was.

"But now Misha, even if you have been good for him, it's time for you to let him do his own thing. I will help you financially so you don't need to worry about that. But this education is important for Axel. This is his chance."

I sat silently, looking into Oscar's gray blue eyes that looked back pleading to me. I thought back to my reaction to Axel's acceptance letter unveiling and at once felt bad. Even his father was on his side while I was not.

"I know Axel is a bit much, he has gone through alot and now he’s changing so fast but… We must see this as something positive because it is what Axel wants." His father continued in his regular dreamy voice and I nodded because I knew it was what was expected of me. It was easy for his father to not see this as a bigger thing; he had money and his life didn't depend on Axel. While I saw my chance to go on trips, having a wedding and having happy children disappear with his failed education.

"...I just don't think this education will make him happier." I said and looked down at my golden painted nails.

"Maybe not but we must give this a chance because this is his dream."

Axel's father's face was determined, like nothing I would say would affect him so I just nodded. His father had already made a choice.

"Is he at your place now?" I asked so I didn't need to say anything more about Axel's education but it backfired.

"He is in town looking at the school then he will probably stay there a while too…" I interrupted Oscar with a sigh.

"I'm sorry but I need some time to think about this. I know you have known about this for a longer time than me but I just found out about this."

"I understand honey, but it can't have come as lightning from a blue sky. Axel has tried to work on himself since April and has done amazing things with himself. I start to see him becoming that boy again, that boy he was when he was younger."

Oscar smiled and once again watched the cats. It started to feel like he talked with them and not with me. I sat quiet because I couldn't say anything without sounding selfish or just really negative.

Oscar went when he had drunk up his coffee and gave me a fatherly hug on the way out. I knew he liked me but what I showed today was probably not his favorite side of me. It wasn't mine either but with Axel's changes it felt like I had an even bigger need for stability. The only thing I asked for now was security and predictability but I couldn't stop Axel from changing.

×

Axel started his education. He rearranged our garage so that he would have a bigger space to work with his craft, he sold his bike and instead got one more cheap car, a MacBook and the right textbooks. He was so up in all of it I felt forgotten and alone. He had a world I couldn't understand at all and it also seemed like he actually was on his way to get friends.

One cold November afternoon he came home and I couldn't recognize him. Or I could but I didn't want to recognize him. He was dressed in a thick knitted forest green sweater and on his nose he had a pair of tortoise shell patterned glasses. If it wasn't for his tattoos on his neck and hands he would have looked like such a square.

"...ehhh Axel?" I said like I didn't recognize him.

"Yeah?" He tried to sound neutral but I could hear he was already tense. He opened the fridge, sniffed some vegan sausages and then took them out.

"Did you feel a need to look like the other kids in school?” I teased. I thought a joke would make him relax but he was still tense.

"...I noticed I was having a hard time seeing the actual slide the teacher showed us but I thought it maybe was that way for everyone… Then I went to a restaurant to eat lunch and couldn't see the menus and then they said I probably need glasses. So I went there and… Yeah I needed glasses." He didn't look at me while he said it and rambled like he had prepared the story. I sat down by the table and smiled a little. I didn't want Axel to feel like I criticized him all the time; it was just hard to feel left out.

"Do you want to see my school? We can visit it together. Right now I'm at the university but after Christmas we will be back at the school again but we can visit anyway." He smiled a little at me while he started to boil water.

"Do you want?" He held up some noodles.

I shook my head and thought about what he had said. It would be nice to see his school. See where Axel now sits and reads, makes assignments and later on will build even finer furniture.

"I can visit your school some day…" I said carefully and smiled at him even if he had his back to me, boiling noodles and chopping the sausages.

"Yeah? Then you can meet some of my new friends too, Wes, Fred, Theo and Lucy." Axel sounded so happy but I just thought about the last name. Lucy. A girl. Was he spending his time with a girl?

Axel smiled at me and pushed up his glasses. They suited him but they changed his face and he didn't look as much as menace as without them. Maybe that was the thing he liked with them.

After eating, he sat down on the couch with his MacBook. I wished we could have some time for ourselves but were also happy to see he took his studies seriously but it was also a bit irritating to see how wrong I was. Axel seem to love to study. Probably more than he loved me.

Instead of being with Axel I wrote in the group chat with my friends. Vanessa had a new boyfriend she wanted to introduce to us. It was her first boyfriend and he was crazy like Axel but without Axel's striking facial features. Like an Axel going through a correction filter. I was happy for Vanessa and hopefully she would let my tattooed boyfriend be now. I looked at Axel. He had dressed down to a grey t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants but still looked neater because of those damn glasses. Now when I looked at him I also noticed he had changed his hair. His regular style was pushed back and greasy now it actually looked washed and he had a side part and then pushed back. I wondered if he had gone to a hairdresser at the same time he got those glasses. It probably was his first time if that was the case.

I wondered if Vanessa would even be attracted to him now. All that Axel was known for was gone. Except for his tattoos. He wasn't dangerous at all. His motorcycle was sold and he even started to look boring. Vanessa had a plan to have a party at her place. Maybe Axel could stay home. As he said himself, they weren’t really his friends and they didn't need to know that Axel had lost his way. Axel probably had a better time with his new friends.

"Do you want to visit my school at friday? Then you can meet Wes and Theo." Axel suddenly said and looked at me hopeful. I was busy scrolling through Vanessa's boyfriend's Instagram.

"Sure."

The room became quiet again except Axel humming with the Kyuss song playing from his Mac.

×

I walked slowly next to Vanessa, we were looking at cheese for her party. I was tired of always eating vegan so when Vanessa said she would do canapes with cheese I felt excited in a way I hadn't for a long time.

Vanessa and I hadn't talked about what had happened at Axel's birthday. She had joked about his size a few times in passing but other than that it was like it had never happened. Our friendship seemed to survive it better than me and Axel’s relationship and now with her new guy she didn't even seem interested in seeing Axel again.

While she looked through recipes on her phone Axel called me.

"Hey, where are you?" He asked, sounding stressed.

"I'm grocery shopping with Vanessa for tonight. She’s having a party but I didn't think you were interested." I said and played with the fringe on my knitted scarf.

"...But I've been waiting for you? Outside of my school? You know, I was going to show you around." He said disappointed.

I had forgotten about it or I hadn't even really understood it was now we had planned to do it.

"Oh… Sorry Axe. I have some other things to do… I’m sleeping in town tonight because of the party. At Celia's. Just so you know."

Axel was quiet on the other end of the call. I was the worst girlfriend but it was hard to be a good one when he had made our lives totally out of sync.

"Axel?"

Vanessa looked at me a bit worried and I waved her off as if it weren’t anything.

Axel sighed on the other end of the line.

"I’ll probably be in town too then. I'm with Theo right now so we’ll have a beer or something?”

"Good. I'm happy that you have some new friends, Axe."

×

When I went home the next day my hangover was brutal. I felt weak and tired but also my anxiety was so strong I couldn't even sit still. I just wanted to come home because I became more anxious in Celia's small apartment but also because she tried to discuss the party while I wished to sleep. I hoped Axel wasn't home so that I could have some alone time to just be anxious and gross by myself.

Celia drove me home around noon and I realized then that Axel wasn't home. His old Volvo wasn't by the garage so I would have the house to myself. Just that thought made me relax a bit.

When I was inside I stripped down to just panties and looked for food in the fridge and pantry. Axel had made some vegan sausage which I ate with potato chips and ketchup but my anxiety was still extreme so I laid down in bed and tried to sleep. Images from what had happened at the party and thoughts about Axel's changes floated around. It felt like everyone became adults except me. I needed something to get my anxiety level down and help me sleep. A joint sounded nice. Just to calm me down a bit. Axel hadn't smoked since that summer but he must have some left, hidden somewhere. In the wooden box, but where was it? I looked through his wardrobe, through all the cabinets in the kitchen and all the hiding places in the living room. Where could he have put it? The garage, of course. I put on the green sweater Axel had worn some days earlier and a pair of leggings and walked out to the garage. It had been a long time since I had been there and his workshop looked much more tidy and professional with sketches put up on the walls and a few of his books on the working bench. On the floor stood a floral pedestal in some dark wood. It looked expensive and Axel had made some sort of carving that looked like ivy. It was probably the most beautiful thing I had seen him make. It was high, with shelves for several plants and I could imagine it with green hanging plants on every shelf in golden metal pitchers. Why hadn't I supported him more? He was really talented and seemed to have really good taste. Something I had always questioned. He had made the wooden box himself too. It stood on a metallic shelf waiting on me. I lifted it out and place it down on his work bench. It had a lock but it wasn't used so with a careless hand I opened it up. I had never looked in it because I just thought he had weed and other drugs in it so I was surprised to see it stuffed with things. A keyring with a motorcycle, a plastic wristband from the hospital with his name and social security number, and a braided bracelet with small green stones. A bag with weed lay in the corner but he didn't have any papers. In the bottom of the box lay several photos. The first one was a young Axel without tattoos with a blonde girl. She was gorgeous in an unreal way. He had several pictures with that girl and I couldn't stop my jealousy when I saw a picture of them kissing. But that wasn't the only thing that caught my attention, in that picture her breasts were much bigger and rounder than in the other pictures. Silicon. Obviously. Typical Axel. The next picture was just of Axel. Still as young in a grey suit, sitting on a high chair with an inviting stare. It was obviously a model picture. Even if it was Axel in the picture it felt like it was a stranger looking back at me. The last picture was of an even younger Axel, maybe twelve, with a bruised chin. Together with his father and another man in his father's age. The man was actually more like Axel than his father was and I felt a knot grow in my stomach. He probably didn't want to share this with me and that made me anxious and sad but also angry. Who was Axel?

I put all things in the box again and walked with heavy steps back to the house. It was too much to think about. Now I actually felt sleepy, overwhelmed and when I laid my head against the pillow I fell asleep at once.

I didn't even wake up when Axel came home. I slept until it was dark outside and I could see the light on in the garage and Axel's tall silhouette inside working on the pedestal. For a short moment I just thought about where the pedestal could be placed and what plants we could have on it. I was always the one picking the plants and then Axel was the one caring for them. I stayed in bed until Axel came in, the smell of wood oil spread in the house. It smelled rich like an expensive cologne and if I didn't know better I would have believed Axel had started to think about his scent too. With a loud sigh he came into the bedroom and stripped down to his Batman underwear. The only superhero he liked.

"I missed you," I said to get his attention. He crawled down in bed and just nodded a little. He was probably still a bit pissed that I didn't come to his school.

"You can show me your school another time." I said and watched him fluff the pillow aggressively. It had been a long time since I saw such emotions in him but I didn't say anything about it.

"How was the party?" He asked and lied down with his hands behind his head.

I was a bit uncomfortable and moved from laying face down to him to looking up at the ceiling.

"It was okay."

We layed in silence for a while until I spat out an impulsive question.

"Who is Rebecca? On your chest."

Axel lied silent a while more.

"It was a girl I fucked."

"It must have been more than a fuck. You have her name over your heart."

"We fucked for a few months. She was really hot and the sex was great."

I could feel the jealousy stream down my back like cold water.

"And then you tattooed her name?"

"Yeah. To make her laugh."

I just nodded a little. It was probably logical in Axel's world but not many others would see a name tattoo as a funny thing. I sighed deeply and stopped my questions, he wouldn't tell me anything of value anyway. He probably didn't see the world the same as me.

×

I couldn't stop thinking about what I had found in the wooden box and I would sneak to look at the things when Axel wasn't home. The bracelet with green stones disappeared and I worried for days that I was the one who had lost it until I saw Axel wearing it. The stone must have been some sort of mineral and shifted in different shades of green. The small irregular stones were braided in a black suede like material. I looked at it while Axel helped me put winter tires on the car. It sat snuggly around his left wrist along with the silver chain he has had as long as I have known him. When he was done working on the car he put on the hoodie he had laid next to him.

"Should we have a cup of coffee?" I asked as I admired his dirty hands, thick knuckles and elegant wrists while he dried them off on an old kitchen towel with blue flowers.

"Sure. But at four o'clock dad’s picking me up in the truck so we can deliver a thing I've built to my first customer." He said proudly.

"Oh?" I asked impressed and Axel smiled brightly while we walked inside.

"Yeah it's a floral pedestal, I'm really pleased with it." He kicked off his work boots and then put on his glasses that laid on the dresser in the hallway.

I was a bit disappointed hearing that the pedestal wasn't for us and probably looked it too while I took off my sneakers and puffer jacket.

"Oh, I've seen it. It's beautiful, Axel, I thought it was for us."

"Really? I thought it wasn't your style at all. That was too heavy and dark."

I walked into the kitchen and started to load the coffee maker.

I shrugged my shoulders. He was right but I felt different when I actually saw it.

Axel took off the hoodie again and I watched his biceps in the tight black t-shirt. He had become hotter and I felt the need to touch him but I hadn’t in so long ago I didn't even know how I would start. I looked at the bracelet again and the glasses on his nose and I sighed a little.

When he sat down by the table playing with his phone I mustered up some courage to ask him about the bracelet. He smiled in a way that made my heart fall down in my stomach and he touched it like it was something expensive.

"A friend made it. It's green calcite. It helps you make positive changes in your life. Make me succeed."

I didn't know what to say so I just made a snorting sound like I thought it was bullshit but in reality I just thought, "It's a girl. It's a girl. He has met someone else."

Axel had so many secrets so of course he had another girl too. I poured the coffee in two white mugs and sat down opposite him by the table. He continued to play with his phone and smiled to himself.

It may sound awful to an outsider but the rest of the week I followed Axel when I didn't work. Our hours were still really different from each other so when he took his Volvo to school in the morning I had time to follow him for a few hours. I took my dark blue Toyota fifteen minutes after he had left and went to the university where he studied at the moment. I found his car parked and then waited for him to come out. Most often he came out together with a guy a head shorter with his hair in braids, gathered in a big bun behind his neck. They looked like friends and I thought to myself he must be one of the guys he had talked about. After that he bought lunch. Either a sandwich from a food truck on campus or he walked to a vegan salad bar close to the hospital. Then he walked back to the library. It wasn't much more interesting than that. Sure, I could see Axel being checked out by well dressed student girls in quilted jackets even if he had his green bomber jacket on and heavy work boots. If he shaved his hair off he would look like a skinhead but they still looked at him with watering eyes while they played with their pearl earrings. Was it such a girl that made him the bracelet? It felt off. Could it really be a student he had an affair with?

The fourth day it finally got interesting. While he stood and talked with his friend with the braids his phone seemed to ring and he pressed it against his ear. He smiled big and laughed and my heart started to beat violently in my chest. He looked down at the bracelet, spinned it around his wrist then hung up. He said a fast good bye to his friend with a close hug. Axel didn't do that manly sort of hug ever, he always hugged for real. Then he started to walk in the same direction the salad bar was. I waited for him to be a long way in front of me before I started the car and drove behind him. He walked to his regular salad bar but the closer I came I could see a girl waiting on him. She was dressed in a long gray coat with brown hair falling elegantly over her back. I had time to think she probably wore pearls too while she and Axel hugged for a long time. But when I came closer I could finally see her face while she laid a glove-covered hand on Axel's naked neck like she thought he looked cold. It was Charlotte, Noah's Charlotte. My brother's fiancee.

×

#bill skarsgård #bill skarsgard #fan fiction #writing #story #fiction #bill skarsgård writing #bill skarsgård fanfiction #axel cluney #zeitgeist

[zhalar]

i was trying to reply to the post of yours i just liked and almost blazed it instead why are the buttons so close to each other.............. aNYWAY i only saw it now, and it feels A Bit weird two weeks later to be like Oh Hey. but. i've never been able to shut up in my life so! Oh Hey. i had to move to your ask box bcs the reply thing's word limit was like shut the fuck up!!! but. so. i don't even have anything useful to say except i'm 24 and started studying for my degree when i was like 19 and i still Don't Fucking Have It and in between i've moved like four times and am almost broke and saurrrr unemployed and Local Employers Hate Area Woman-Ish bcs of my very unsexy mental illness and lack of work experience. and i also fucking hate dishes and cleaning and groceries and everything IS stupid! we could all be eating berries and raising chickens and doing weird art in the woods! and maybe we should! all that to say that your vent was Extremely Relatable. modern society is a harsh maze. and shit's scary!! but i see you. and i'm rooting for you, for what it's worth 🐻🌻🍀🍄💕 and i hope the rest of your summer is good and joyful and everything goes smoothly with school and everything!! <3 good vibes and cheers ✨

YOURE SO SWEET TO REACH OUT TO MY SANGSTY (sad/angsty) VENT-POST OOOHHH places a fresh and washed stone fruit or suchlike of your choice onto your palm as a form of thanks....... im sorry to have left you hanging with my answering this btw, it was my last work day for the summer today and i didnt dare to open the message last night in case i got so distracted that the lateness woulda got me lol. love to plan my every move within the bounds of a work-life schedule. btw fully dying-laughing about the possibility of you somehow accidentally blazing that post CAN YOU IMAGINE DSHFKJGH

im real sorry that the general sentiment of that post resonated, sucks how we're ALL constantly in the trenches, here :-( (and also a bit sheepishly sorry if my vent caused any alarm or whatnot... sometimes it alll just gets to be oh so much and one must air their grievances out to the world unprompted like that. grhyeah..) truly would Shrimply Love To Own Chickens and Thatse It. my viiru&pesonen -fantasy lifted its head once again this summer, i meannnn now thaaaaats what i'd call living!! ffs!!!!

i would never ask you to shut up the reply-feature does Not reflect my views and opinions in case you were wondering. for real this msg brightened this day considerably, youre both a complete sweetheart and so fucking funny for the formatting and tone of this ask, good lord. hopefully you'll have some easier times going forward, typically i wouldnt wish a job onto my worst enemy but i also recognize how that is something thats uhhh, quite valuable actually, indeed, so in that sense im beaming some fking sense into your local employers' brains. [HIRE THEM!!!!!!!! for some NICE TASK!!!!!] I HOPE YOUR SUMMER THUSFAR HAS BEEN COOL AND FUN!!! and that the rest of it/the upcoming august treat you well also <3

#we r holding hands in a lush forest and skipping in a circle we are escaping the horrors of modern living tralalalaa #reply #dykenadjas #needed the good vibes. gonna hold them in my heart tomorrow as the School Times Begin #cant fucking BELIEVE that im going to SCHOOL. AMIKSEEN SIIS. idk ANYTHING about amis-culture theyre going to eat me alive there i think

[moonchild-things]

Chapter Ten: A New School Term Starts! The Melancholy of Nendou

Summary: Being a psychic is not an ideal life, at least for Saiki Kusuo. Didn’t you read/watch The Disastrous Life of Saiki K to know that? Still, this isn’t about him, not really. Instead, let’s focus on his one and only friend, Akari Watanabe, who is also quite abnormal. You might not believe that Saiki would actually have a friend, but that’s what fanfictions are about, right?  

Word Count: 3594

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AKARI WASN'T THAT HAPPY SINCE NOW THAT their school break came to an end, and now she had to go back to that annoying place. She didn't miss the gossip, bullies, or idiots that she had to see every day. Sure there were some good parts of school, but those were outweighed by everything else that gave her a headache. Her best friend also wasn't that happy with it either. He stood next to her glaring at their academy with his eyes filled with irritation. 

'A new semester starts today.' Kusuo mentally sighed, 'I have to see them again.'

Akari bumped his shoulder with her own in a way to lift up his spirits. Though both of them were going to need some cheering up. Considering they both disliked school, they both weren't looking forward to actually going. However, they have no choice and Akari is going to try and make the best of their situation. 'Come on, it's not that bad, Ku-kun.'

Kusuo just looked down at her through his green-tinted glasses boredly. However, even if he looked unaffected by her words, deep down, I think we all know that isn't true. No matter how much he would want to hide it, but he appreciated Akari's attempts. She is the upside to his day. Well, she's the upside to everything for him, for the most part. Kusuo doesn't do emotions, as we all know. So even he doesn't necessarily know what he categorizes Akari as or why he reacts certain ways around her. I mean, we can all make a pretty educated guess about what it is. Though it wouldn't be a good fanfiction if we didn't have some good slow-burn romance, am I right?

Kusuo rolled his eyes, 'let's go.'

The duo headed into the building and readied themselves for the day. After exchanging their shoes, Akari and Kusuo finally made it into their classroom. Their teacher had yet to come in so everyone was excitedly talking with each other about their breaks. The girls gossiped with each other, the boys boasted about the cool things they did, and Akari and Kusuo sat quietly at Kusuo's desk. Akari gracefully sat on top of his desk while twirling her long black hair with her fingers. As they waited for class to start, they listened in on the not-so-quiet conversations between their classmates.

A few students walked up to the class representative, who looked noticeable different from how he looked before the break, "Hairo, you're so tanned."

"I was a volunteer lifeguard at the beach," He explained with a toothy smile.

"Amazing!" A forgettable student exclaimed at the unrest that their class representative had. They all knew that Hairo wouldn't take any sort of break during their break. He is always up and about, a busy-body. Honestly, it's a bit admirable yet terrifying how firey he actually is.

At the other end of the classroom, there were a plethora of boys surrounding the perfect pretty girl like starved animals. It appears that after even a short time away from their Goddess, they were in desperate need to be even within a few feet of Teruhashi. Simps.

They were firing questions at her from left and right, "Did you meet someone special?"

"Really Teruhashi?" An unimportant boy asked urgently.

A different, nameless student jumped, "Who?"

The blue-haired beauty looked away bashfully with pink cheeks, "We met during the break." In her mind, she was thinking of the pink-haired psychic himself. Which annoyed Kusuo to no end, to have to listen to her go on about how she knew that there was no way he could have just seen her as an illusion or vice versa. Akari noticed his plight and placed a hand on his head to pat down his hair in a comforting gesture. Akari knew that he isn't usually one for physical touch, and she respects his wishes to not be touched. However, from time to time, she provided minimal contact with him for a few reasons. Comforting him is one of those reasons. Teruhashi raised a finger confidently, "I believe the date was August 6th."

"I saw you that day," one of the boys said with his squeaky voice, "That's right, you were with....” Everyone was on the edge of their seat ready to hear what he had to say. Except for Teruhashi who thought her little crush on Saiki was going to be exposed. “Nendo."

"Not that one!" Teruhashi raged with her hair mimicking snakes around her head. The boys all backed away in fear as their perfect pretty girl showed her true colors for just a moment. However, she quickly calmed herself down, "Well... not that one. You know? At the world Championship..."

'Goodness,' Kusuo thought. 

Akari shook her head, 'I don't understand how they can worship her so much.'

Sure, Akari couldn't deny that Teruhashi was beautiful. She would be a fool not to admit that. Not only that, but she also had this god-given aura around that attracted people to her no matter what. So Akari couldn’t lie about that, it was just her personality that she couldn’t understand. 

To be completely honest,  Akari and Teruhashi were complete opposites. Wow, what a surprise it’s like they were made that way for a specific purpose. That’s sarcasm by the way, you can’t really tell through text, but it’s there. Anyway, back on topic. Terhuhashi craved attention as if it is what gives her life. Meanwhile, Akari detested just about any and every form of attention that could be pointed at her. While Teruhashi is bright, Akari is dark. The perfect pretty girl is full of herself and masks her true intentions, but Akari was honest and blunt for the most part. The shadow-manipulator isn't necessarily an open book(except maybe to Kusuo) but she certainly isn't as fake as Teruhashi can be. Some could argue that they were two different sides of a coin. Well, two different sides of two different coins. The only thing even remotely similar with them was that they both attended PK. Well, that and they always wanted to be around Kusuo. Though Akari never wants to admit to that last one out loud or even in her mind, lest Kusuo finds out and then bully her about it.

Their blue-haired friend then slid over to the pair as they watched the smips in front of them. "Hey, Saiki..." Akari then cleared her throat, making sure that he knew she is also there. Kaido jumped and blushed at her "sudden" appearance, "a-and Watanabe. Don't you think Nendo is being weird today?"

Kusuo eyed the other boy's appearance, "You are, too." Kaido, for some reason, was wearing an eye patch,  a choker, and parts of his hair was in a braid. No doubt a part of his little fantasy. It was a bit of a strange look, even for an anime. Akari certainly thought that Kaido looks far more deranged than usual, and questioned why he even decided to style himself like this. How had his mother even let him walk out of the house like that?

Despite that, the trio looked over at their idiot friend to see him looking dramatically upset. What could possibly upset Nenod this much? As much as people would think that this buffoon was nothing but stupid, Akari felt like there is more to Nendo than that. Well, she didn't think that he is a totally complex character with many, many intricate parts to him, however, she knew that he was a tad bit more than an idiot. That includes having something to upset him like this. She didn't know what it is, but it was probably something a bit bigger than simply being upset by a stupid thing.

"Normally he would be all, 'Let's go get ramen! Yes!'" Kaido said while trying to intimidate Nendo's voice.

Kusuo hummed slightly in consideration, "That's true. He is acting strange."

"Stranger than usual," Akari commented with her wispy voice.

"Oh, this?" Kaido started, thinking that they were referring to his new look. Which they certainly were not. He really just wanted someone to ask him about his strange look. "Don't worry about this. Something had happened."

"I didn't worry about that at all. You don't have to tell us." Kusuo rolled his eyes, more focused on Nendo. They watched as Nendo hit some dramatically depressed poses before sighing heavily. "I'm getting annoyed."

After that, Nendo stood up and lumbered out of the room with his head hung low. Now that was quite concerning for Akari. She has never seen Nendo act like this before, and it was freaking her out just a little bit. He's always so happy-go-lucky, to an annoying degree, though this was even far more irritating. At least with him being happy, Akari could easily understand why he was acting like that. However, this was so out of left field, that Akari has no idea what is bothering him.

"This is fishy," Kaido commented as they watched him go.

Kusuo nodded his head, "It does make me worry."

Akari looked down at her friend with wide eyes, "I've never heard you say that before." Though Kusuo just ignores her and her surprised expression. He certainly wasn't willing to acknowledge that he had even said something like that. Though, aren't we all a bit surprised that he even said he's worried?

"Are you talking about this?" Kaido jumped in motioning to his get-up, once again. "It's..."

Kusuo then snapped, "Stop. I couldn't care less about that."

---

Once school let out for the day, Akari, Kusuo, and Kaido started to follow after their idiot friend. It was quite easy for Akari to hide in the shadows as they trailed after Nendo. Kusuo is also pretty good at it as well, since he could teleport around corners and hide away from Nendo. Kaido was the only one in the trio who actually had to put a bit more effort into his stalking. That included putting on a baggy brown coat, some dark sunglasses, and a hat to try and hide his identity. He jumped around from one corner to another to poke his head around as they followed Nendo down the street. Kusuo and Akari trailed after Kaido, Kusuo appearing from thin air while Akari gilded around through the shadows. The blue-haired boy hadn't even noticed that the supernatural teens were using their powers like this. He is far more invested in his stalking of Nendo than to pay attention to them.

"That's not the way to his house." Kaido commented as they all peered around a corner. "Something is definitely going on."

"Why are you so excited?" Kusuo asked with a slight tone of distaste in his voice, "Why are you so used to following people?"

It was true. Seems like Kaido has done this before, and that is quite concerning. Akari was slightly put off by the fact that their blue-haired friend was far too accustomed to stalking. Makes you wonder who else Kaido could have stalked in the past… Knowing him, it probably has to do with dark reunion stuff.

"What?” Kaido whispered as they peered around the building to find Nendo staring at something. “What's he looking at?"

The big brute appeared to be looking at a small girl walking on the sidewalk with her father. Though due to Nendo’s misleading face, the trio misinterpreted what it meant. The three bristled, "Creepy!"

Kaido jumped, "Does he like little girls?"

"I don't know, but we should report him," Kusuo said.

Akari cringed at the thought and tried to be optimistic about this.“Nendo doesn’t seem the type…?” Though her attempt wasn’t that good since she sounded more like she was questioning herself about if it were true. She knows that Nendo is really a good guy, but considering not even Kusuo could read his thoughts, she couldn't be 100% certain.

They then watched him heading into a shop, "He's going into the store. A flower shop?” Nendo then came out of the shop with a bundle of sunflowers. “Did he get a girlfriend?"

Kusuo instantly answered alongside Akari, "No."

"No way," they all simultaneously agreed. There was no way that he was actually gonna get a girlfriend. Not unless there was some sort of miracle.

They continued to follow their friend down the, and once again witness him smiling creepily at a young girl and her father. They still had yet to see what he was actually smiling about.

The three shouted, "Not again!"

"Is he serious?" Kaido asked out in disgust as they all started to sweat.

Kusuo just suggested, "Let's report him first, and ponder later."

"No, it's too soon to tell.” Kaido started, “Lots of people like sunflowers. It's normal to feel like smiling when you see a child." Wow, look at Kaido being the rational one of the group. 

Kusuo placed a hand on his chin in consideration, "That's true. We shouldn't be hasty."

"Another store?" Kaido commented as the trio watched the brute walk into yet another small store. This time it seemed to be a bakery, "Cake! Cake is sweet and women and children love sweets. Women plus children equals little girls!" Forget what I said about being the rational one.

Akari sweatdropped at his enthusiasm with the situation, "That's a bit of a stretch."

"Now who's being hasty?" Kusuo commented. 

"He doesn't eat things like that. He's clearly going to give the cake and the flower to someone.” Kaido said quickly, “But he doesn't have a girlfriend to give them to. That means they're bait.” He cried out as he imagined how Nendo would use his “bait” to lure a little girl. Which is seriously disturbing. “He'll use sunflowers and cake to lure in a little girl!"

Kusuo shook his head, "His plan will never work on a sane girl."

Just as Kaido was having his little breakdown and the other two watched him, Nendo came out of the bakery with a box. "Gosh, they are out of shortcakes. Oh, well." His expression then grew unsettling as he chuckled lowly, "It's not for eating anyway."

Akari, Kusuo, and Kaido all blanched, "Which means it's bait."

"Nendo!” Trying to be a hero, Kaido ran over to the large teen with his fist raised. He was going to stop Nendo from enacting his nefarious plans of snatching up little girls if it was the last thing he does! As the Jet-Black Wing, he has a duty to protect those who need protection. If only he was actually strong though. “I misjudged you, Nendo!" He then tried to punch Nendo a bunch, though they sounded like small bubbles popping each time his fist hit Nendo. It also looked as though they were as weak as a feather. "How dare you hurt weak little girls!"

Akari and Kusuo watched him from the sidelines with raised eyebrows. The shadow-manipulator blinked, "I'm pretty sure those girls are not as weak as him."

"Listen to his fists making that sound." Kusuo commented.

"Hang on,” Nendo said, unaffected by Kaido’s assault, “I think you guys have the wrong idea."

---

Apparently, the trio had jumped to conclusions. Not a surprise. Considering that we all knew they did. Anyway, Nendo had led them to the cemetery while explaining what he had been doing since they left school. Kaido tilted his head, "So, you're visiting..."

"My dad's grave,” Nendo nodded his head as they now stood in front of a grave, “Today is the day he died."

The blue-haired teen now seemed to understand, "So, the flowers and cake..."

"Obviously, they're offerings." Nendo chuckled, "You bring flowers and sweets to a grave. That's common sense."

"Hearing common sense from Nendo…” Kusuos commented to Akari as the two stood behind the others. He then thought back to what they had seen earlier. “I see now. He wasn't leering at those little girls. He was thinking of his father. But he sure looked suspicious."

Kaido asked softly, "When did your father pass away?"

"Before I was born.” Nendo explained, “He died trying to save a little girl who ran into the street. Maybe my old man had a lolita complex."

Kusuo blinked, "It hurts my soul."

Kaido then placed a hand on his chin, "But if it was before you were born, he must have been pretty young."

"Yes, he was 18 or 19 years old.” Nendo said before pulling out his wallet, “I have his picture. Do you want to see it?"

Kaido's eyebrows furrowed as Nendo showed them the photo, "This is a picture of you."

"We look alike." Nendo explained with a chuckle, "My mom says I look more like him every year."

"It's on a different level," Kaido exclaimed at the uncanny resemblance between the father and son.

Akari took a glance at the photo as well and furrowed her eyebrows, "It is a tad bit unnerving."

"I've seen the picture of Nendo's father before.” Kusuo commented to Akari as he could see the slightly freaked out expression creeping onto her pale face. “The resemblance is striking. The only difference is whether the scar is over the right eye or the left.” he glanced up at the grave to see just the person had described sitting on top of the grave. The dead man was casually eating some of the cake that Nendo had brought to his grave. “Yes, just like that.” He paused though not realizing that he was looking at a ghost. Nendo’s father then poofed out of thin air and disappeared. “I'm imagining things."

Unbeknownst to the other three, Kusuo had been able to see the ghost of Nendo’s father. It was quite the shock to Kusuo. "Hey, let's go get ramen!" Nendo called, breaking Kusuo out of his stupor.

Kusuo just walked back over to them as they started to head to their usual remen hangout. Kaido and Nendo may have not been able to notice, but Akari saw that there was something bothering her best friend. "Are you ok, Ku-kun?"

Her soft, chilling voice calmed Kusuo down a bit as he shook his head in an attempt to brush off what he had just seen. "I'm fine."

Akari stared at him for a long moment before shrugging her shoulders, "If you say so." If he didn’t want to tell her what was bothering him, then she wouldn’t pry. She certainly can’t read his mind like he could read hers, but she knew what he was feeling for the most part. They've been friends for so long that Akari could read Kusuo like a book. Even if he’s usually so expressionless and emotionless. She’s the great Kusuo Whisperer!

After being forced to hang out with Nendo and Kaido, Akari and Kusuo were able to walk back home. It was perfect out, at least for Akari. It was night time already and she was content with how dark it is. The only real thing that she wasn’t looking forward to was having to do her homework. Maybe if she bribed Kusuo with some coffee jelly he could help her out with it.

"I may not be very realistic myself, and Akari may also be a piece of fiction, but I don't believe in spirits or ghosts.” Kusuo explained still hung up on the whole ghost thing from the cemetery, “Let's just forget about what happened today.” 

Akari tilted her head as they got closer and closer to their homes. “What’s so wrong with believing in an afterlife?” She asked, “I think it can be comforting to imagine that there’s something after death.”

Wow, bit of a heavy topic, let’s move on.

The pair finally made it in front of their houses. Though the Saiki mailbox caught their attention. There was a letter in it, now that isn’t unusual. What is strange is that it had Kusuo’s name on it. Kusuo grabbed the letter, “For me? That's unusual."

Kusuo Saiki,

I know you have psychic powers.

Akari’s eyes widened at the simple letter. How had someone figured out about Kusuo’s abilities? Everyone is usually too stupid to notice them! "That's concerning. Who could this be from?"

Kusuo just put the letter into his pocket, "Don't worry about that."

"Of course I'm going to worry, Ku.” Akari blinked, a small bit of concern in her golden eyes. “Someone knows about your powers, what could that possibly mean?"

"Kari, it'll be fine.” Kusuo never addressed Akari by her little nickname. The only reason he ever did was when he could see her getting upset or worked up about something. This moment seemed to be a time to use it. The affectionate name seemed to calm her down at least a little bit. “Just head home and don't worry about it. I promise you, everything will be fine." Since it was so late, they agreed that they would just head to their separate houses for the night, even if they usually hang out together for a bit after school. However, Kusuo was even more certain that he wants Akari to stay out of this. If this is a letter from someone with malicious intent, he didn’t want her involved. How sweet.

Akari stared at him for a moment, contemplating if she should leave. Though then she remembered that Kusuo has the powers of a god, so if someone was to try and hurt them, they wouldn’t get very far. "If you say so…” with a tad bit hesitation, Akari backed away to head into her own house across the street. “Night, Kusuo."

---

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