#also so many fucking key changes so apologies if i miss a sharp or a flat

[flutemelodies]

Can you do I’m just Ken from Barbie😭

I’M JUST KEN - BARBIE (2023)

#flute notes #ken #barbie 2023 #ryan gosling #pop rock #barbie soundtrack #greta gerwing barbie #asks #the MELODRAMA. the ANGST. obsessed #also so many fucking key changes so apologies if i miss a sharp or a flat #its ok to make mistakes tho bc i am kenough

[godwrecks]

𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗿 ��𝘂𝗻𝗮

𝗣𝘁. 𝟮 - 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗪𝗮𝗻𝘁

word count: 4.1k

tags; college au. angst. confession. fwb. drugs. fluff if you squint.

The first thing you registered was the light buzzing - no, vibrating of Suna’s phone. Much too dazed by your sleep, you didn’t wonder who was blowing up his messages this late at night. Raising up the sheets to shield your naked body from the cold, you tried to get some sleep, but Suna’s incessant tossing kept you from doing so.

You finally turned to him, eyes squinting at his illuminated face. “Why the fuck is your screen so bright?” You groaned and nuzzled into his chest, wrapping an arm around his bare torso. He merely chuckled, quickly putting away the phone.

“Why so cranky, you just woke up,” despite speaking in hushed sentences, his voice still dripped with mocking. Suna placed his hand on your hip, and though it remained in its station for a few seconds, he soon started trailing his fingers along your waistline.

“Can you even call it waking up? I didn’t sleep at all,” he cocked his head at that, bringing you in closer to him. “I guess I’m at fault for that.”

You smiled quietly, clearing your head as much as possible to get a wink of sleep, though you knew he’d be up and going soon. It had been a few weeks since the...incident, if that’s what you could call it. Nothing changed, really, for better or for worse. Sometimes he was more careful around you, but your relationship was only good for sex. That’s what you had to remind yourself, right? But everything remaining the same was what bugged you. You knew better than to demand more because this was never meant to go past fuck buddies. And while he started coming to you slightly less high, sometimes even seemingly sober, you knew better than to get your hopes up.

With your head like this on his chest, you could hear his heartbeat. Steady. Steady, while yours seemed to always mess up and skip around him. And yet with the slow rhythm of his heart, of his breathing, you surrendered to sleep.

When you woke up again, the sunlight was already rudely peeping past your curtains, and the other side of the bed was empty. Still adjusting to the light, you looked around the room slowly, filled with a strange relief when you found Suna dressing up.

“Practice?” You rubbed your eyes carefully, putting on a hoodie and wobbling when you stood up to reach him. He smiled arrogantly as he ran a hand through his hair, proud of the mess he made of you.

“Yeah. I gotta stop to get something on the way, so I’m heading out now.” His voice was still raspy from sleeping, some of his locks awkwardly falling over his eyes.

Though you wanted to smile at the sight, you knew he was talking about his plug and picking up shit from him. It wasn’t that you judged him for smoking - if that had been your preference, you would’ve known better than to get involved. You and Suna started out as friends, and you had been good friends for a long time at that. Some of the boys on the team always smoked together, and you almost always happened to be there with a few other girls, sometimes even taking a hit you’d be offered. Some of those girls were flings you’d never see again, others were girlfriends. But you were just a friend at the time, not thinking much of the tall and laid-back middle blocker.

“Will you be there tonight? For the party, I mean,” he spoke casually, sitting down on sheets that now smelled like him. “I’m not too sure. I have an assignment due, and I have to be up early tomorrow,” he nodded from his place, tying his boots. You hadn’t been going to many parties lately. The semester nearly ending meant your workload was accumulating, which also meant seeing Suna less. It was at parties and gatherings that you really got to see him, anyway - he was always busy with volleyball and zooted out of his mind most nights he was free. Your thoughts were abruptly cut when you felt his lips press against your forehead, finding an apologetic smile when you looked up.

“You’re starting to bore me,” he joked, but it still made your smile falter. You wanted to give yourself a good slap; since when had you become such a crybaby?

“I’m gonna go now, don’t miss me too much,” Suna stood in the door, offering a charming wink.

“Bye, loser,” you smiled back before shutting the door right in his face.

You had tuned into your laptop to absorb every piece of information from the lecture, or at least try to, as you sat in the library. A quick glance at the clock told you it was nearly midnight. Surprisingly, the library was open all night for students to study - go figure, maybe they guessed most procrastinate until the night thereof. You were taking a few sips from your drink when your phone lit up for an incoming call.

“Rin?” You spoke quietly, not bothering to decipher what the background noise was on his end.

“Baby! You picked up,” his voice was lighter than usual, a mixture of sweetness and relaxation. Suna was the type to become touchy when he was intoxicated, whether by alcohol or drugs. His hands wandered everywhere and he became extremely affectionate, even cuddly, though it was mostly him grabbing your ass. You had only ever seen it for yourself; it was what he did when you were around, and you didn’t have the heart to ask what he did, or who he did it with, when you were absent.

“What’s up?” You let out a sigh as you leaned back in your chair, fingers toying with the straw of your cup.

“I wanna see you,” he spoke and you guessed he had walked out of whatever room he was in.

“I’m studying right now. I told you, remember?”

“Mm, yeah, yeah, you did,” Suna grumbled before a sharp noise echoed through the line, followed by a curse.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just knocked some shit over. Anyways, come on, just take a break.” You took in a sharp breath, wanting to knock your head against the wall. You knew when to say no, but when it came to him that never meant it was easy.

“I really can’t, Rin. If you just want a girl all over you, call someone else,” you flinched at your own tone, stupefied by the coldness of it.

Whilst you were pondering the source of your sudden anger, Suna was chuckling, probably shaking his head. “Hey, hey, where’s that coming from?”

“Well, I’m just giving you a disclaimer. I’d love to be there, but my grade for this class is desperately crying for help,” you laughed, hoping to cover up whatever that had been.

“So what? I just call someone else?”

“If that’s what you want right now,” you frowned, a detestable panic rushing through you. It was so stupid to even suggest so in the first place, what were you hoping to accomplish? Maybe you just wanted to check for yourself what happened when you weren’t there to satisfy him.

“Unfair, much?” He sighed, and you wished you were facing him right now, if only to catch a glimpse of what goes through his mind.

“How?” You ventured with a gulp, heart pounding against its cage.

“You’re the only girl who doesn’t sober me up,” your stomach twisted onto itself at the smirk on his voice. You felt sick yet couldn’t point down the reason why - there were several. You being foolish enough to even think of this fact as a confession, him only calling you because he just wanted his high to last. Was he using you? The thought raced through your mind, along with a few scenes of you laying next to him.

“Hey,” he blurted out seriously. Between you only remained the loudest silence you had heard.

“Hey,” you were utterly breathless, struggling for air as your lungs closed up and rebelled against your will. You wondered if this was truly so shocking. While you were in the back of his hair, this fear was always forced to the back of your mind. You had knowingly mistaken every moment for more than it was.

“Are you o-”

“I need to go, actually. I’m still at the library, so I should head home. Have fun, yeah?”

Before he could even reply, you ended the call, gripping your phone so tightly that your knuckles went white.

The ride to your apartment was loathsome, to say the least. Not even the loud music could keep you away from your thoughts long enough. You turned the engine off and made your way to the elevator. In the process of searching through your backpack, your phone almost slipped from your hands when you jumped in surprise, startled at the arm sticking through the closing doors.

Your heart dropped when they opened up to reveal a panting Suna staring right through you.

“Rin, what are you doing here?” You stammered when he pressed the button to your floor, nearing your figure.

“I came here to see you,” he was still slightly out of breath, eyes scanning you as if they were searching for something. Had he run for so long?

You took a look at your handwatch and cringed. It was late, but not late enough for him to come knock at your door.

“Thought you’d be busy until later,” you replied dryly, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“Yeah, well, change of plans.” His sleazy eyes never left you, and you regretted not taking the stairs.

“I’m sorry I made you come all the way here, but you should go-” You stared at the hand wrapped around your wrist that pulled you closer until you stumbled forward.

“Don’t do that.”

You chuckled viciously, a sound that bruised him. “Sorry I’m not really in the mood to have sex right now.”

“You know that’s not what I’m here for.” Suna started to be visibly frustrated, or at least you thought so by the strength with which he was gripping the pole behind you.

“Then why are you here? That’s all we’ve ever done, Suna,” the name rolled off your tongue awkwardly, and as distasteful as it was for you, his flinch made it clear that he disliked it even more. The elevator doors opened and you walked out, straight to your apartment with the hopes that he’d stay behind.

“Oh, so now we’re back to the last-name basis?” You felt him right behind you, his heavy breathing audible.

“I’m sorry, okay?” You half-assed the apology as you struggled with your keys, the slight shake in your hands slowing you down.

After stepping inside, you turned just in time to see his shake head.

“Why are you being like this all of a sudden?”

Your eyes rolled back at his indifference. How could he be so dense? Was he feigning innocence like this was a game to the both of you? It may have been for him, but not for you.

“I don’t know!” A step towards him and you were already too close. You felt claustrophobic from the way he hovered above you. “Maybe because I feel fucking stupid? I know there’s nothing between us, I’m well aware,” the laugh that formed in your throat was bitter, yet it didn’t compare to the tightening of your chest. “But this just isn’t what I want anymore.”

Suna looked at you as if you had gone insane, unaware of the slight craze in his amber eyes. “What do you want?” He grabbed onto the door, stepping forward until he had cleared his way inside.

“Not this, not whatever you want out of me.”

The grin on his face, unlike his usual striking ones, branded an emotion he had never worn before. “Which is?”

“Making you cum while you’re high, apparently,” you sneered back, tearing his hand away from the door.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding,” Suna gritted through his teeth, slamming the door shut. You groaned, debating how hard you would have to smack his head with your backpack to give him a concussion.

“Oh, am I? You said so yourself.”

“You’re twisting my words,” he pointed his finger at you accusingly, fuming with every breath.

“How so?” This time you didn’t back off. Instead, you hit his chest, resisting the urge to claw at it so he’d at least keep a distance. “If you care to explain, go right ahead!”

“I never said that’s all I want,” his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to keep calm, which was turning out difficult for the both of you.

“Right, because only seeing you after you've smoked wasn’t enough of a message. I don’t even see you throughout the day!”

“How is that only my fault? You never told me you wanted something else, and you were as happy to fuck as I was whenever I knocked on your door.” You could only scoff at his words, amazed he could even dare to try and blame you.

“You know damn well this isn’t on me. I'm not the unavailable one, I'm not the one that's always gone until it's convenient. I'm not the one who barges in and acts like they own me, or did you forget about that already?” You had begun to scream out without realizing, but the rage you felt burning through the cracks of your heart was urging to be released.

Suna stood there quietly, staring at you with distant eyes, like he was too busy making sense of his own thoughts to even mind yours. When the clock ticked away and he had still not spoken a word, you inhaled, bracing yourself.

“Listen, this was nice. And I’d like to stay as a friend, so let’s just leave it at this. If you had plainly admitted that all you ever wanted was sex, I would’be been slightly better now.” The words were calculated and detached as you held onto the sleeves of your cardigan.

“You’re not fucking getting it, it’s not just the sex that I want,” Suna finally mumbled, but your hand was already placed on the knob.

“Well it's all you ever cared to ask for.” You opened the door and stepped away, unable to look anywhere but at the floor.

“When I said I didn't wanna leave you, I didn't mean- I meant…” each word was a separate struggle, and you lacked the strength to bear it any longer.

“What did you mean, Rintaro?” You only offered a tired smile as he stood there once again like a fish out of water. A silent challenge he never took on.

It only took you a few seconds to decide to push him from behind towards the door. You were angry, and heartbroken, and definitely not okay, but something like this was not worth losing him over. Despite everything, he had been a great friend before.

“Have a good night,” and with that, you spelled away the image of the tall brunette you came to adore.

You were still dripping from your long shower, the robe you wore doing little to collect the water before it hit the floor. It was early afternoon, not even 24 hours after the fight, yet it felt like an eternity had passed. You hadn’t heard from Suna at all, and a part of you wondered if you would soon or if he would disappear for a while. Shaking the thoughts away, you walked over to the kitchen to grab a drink when the doorbell rang. You frowned, scrambling your brain for anything your friends had said about coming over, but you were sure none had the plans to visit. The moment you opened the door, the scent of musk and ginger washed over you.

“Please don’t shut the door on me, you seem to have taken a liking to it,” he blabbered out as soon as your eyes met. You hesitated, shifting your weight on your feet.

“What are you doing here?”

“Give me a chance?” You frowned, scanning his face for ulterior motives but all you found was honesty. Despite it, your stomach sank at the sight. Though you didn’t know if you had wanted to see him or not, you wouldn’t have imagined it would be this hard.

“Rin, really, what are you-” You couldn’t finish your sentence, too bewildered to properly speak. Another glance at his face told you he was sober - he even looked more put together than he usually did, though it looked like his volleyball uniform was under his outerwear.

“For someone who was so upset, you should at least give me the opportunity,” he joked tediously, ignoring the dense air that had formed between you two.

His smile was rueful, and genuine from what you could see. “Just...let me do this properly. Dress up and let’s go to my game,” he announced, hints of timidity teetering his voice.

You simply gazed at him, lips forming a thin line. “What are you doing? Just- what are you planning?”

“Nothing!” He swallowed down, raising up the hand that was holding two bags. You raised an eyebrow at it, unamused. “Here, I got you something.”

Receiving it from his cold hands, you looked carefully into it before digging through it. “You’re joking,” you hissed, dangling the pink lingerie in front of his face.

He was smug, toying with you for his pleasure as always. You would have too if you had not been in this situation.

“It was a joke. That’s not...really what,” he quickly delved into the other bag, holding out a small, black box. You surveyed it before cocking your head, taking it from him and opening it. The necklace inside was pretty - beautiful, actually. But you didn’t want his money, you wanted him, which was likely a harder request. “It’s not gifts that I want, Rin,” you sighed, now painfully aware that he would never be something you could predict.

“I know that, angel. But I never treated you, or did something nice for you, and most guys do with, you know,” he trailed off, eyes darting away from your face.

“My problem is you only calling me when you’re high. That issue won’t be solved with gifts,” you massaged your temple, slowly becoming a mess as you tried to put the pieces together and figure out what he was doing.

“I’m not a damn addict, princess. It’s not all I fucking care about,” Suna swore as he leaned against the door frame.

“I know that! I never said you were, but you can’t just go from only giving me that to acting as if you actually want us to be something more. So tell me, how am I supposed to feel?” Though your voice nearly broke, you held onto the door - determined to at least stand your ground. You had been clear with him. You had specified you couldn’t do this anymore, so the least he could do is respect that.

His eyes narrowed for a moment, glimmering ever so briefly that you wondered if the change had been a figment of your imagination. “Listen— I've never,” his chest trembled with a breath before he continued. “I've never been in love with someone, alright? I don’t know how it fucking feels, and that was the last thing I planned on doing. And don’t get me wrong, I was hooked on you from the very beginning. But then suddenly you're the only person I’m attracted to,” Suna’s voice was uncharacteristically weak, threatening to crack at any moment. “And believe me it wasn’t for lack of trying, because while my dick was inside someone else, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to see you. And I didn’t- I don’t know how to process that, all that you fucking make me feel. I don’t even know if I want to process it at all, if I’m being sincere.” His lips lifted into a pained smile that didn’t reach his tormented eyes. “But when you ended that call, you sounded so hurt I panicked. And I don't have a plan, and I'm rambling, and this is probably the most I’ve ever said at once, but if I know something, it’s that I can't let it end here,” his throat bobbed but his steps to you were resolute. You almost turned away when his hands cupped your cheek, spanning the skin delicately.

You couldn’t find your voice for all it was worth. It was hard to tell whether your brain was working faster than your heart.

“You say that, but,” you jerked when you felt a tear trickling down your cheek. Suna’s fingers stuttered undecidedly, but his thumb wiped away the salty trail. “Assuming you truly felt that way, you never acted on it. Actually, you acted very differently,” you hiccuped, biting the inside of your cheek in shame.

“You want me to be honest with you? I feel like such a mess around you, like I might explode. It’s easier to deal with that in certain situations. Hence me restricting our time with each other to me being high,” Suna murmured, shrugging a shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I was scared all the good I’d ever do for you is a nice fuck. What if that’s all I get until I mess up? You’ve got it so together and I’m here, not even able to talk about my stupid feelings.”

You gaped at his pale face: the beautiful carving of his features, the slight quavering of his bottom lip, the long eyelashes framing half-mast eyes.

“You mean that?”

He laughed at your simple question, likely expecting more after everything he had let out. You wanted to give him more, but you were unable to, still trapped in your fear that it would all be fake.

“I do. And I’m sure it can’t just be me who feels like this.” With a look at you, he pinched your cheek gently, looking for an answer.

“It’s not just you. Obviously,” you grumbled disapprovingly. It was pretty obvious to you, but he still smiled sweetly, the frenzy in his face slowly fading.

“I’ll probably miserably fail, but I at least wanna try. I wanna do this — with you. So please let me. And if it’s not enough for you even after that, then I won’t waste your time anymore. But give me the chance.” His hands lowered to your jaw and neck while he spoke the words, forcing you into a retreat.

“Rin, do you even know how relationships work?” You scoffed, quirking your eyebrows at the boy.

“Yes. No. In theory?” You couldn’t help but laugh at his response. He really was awfully cute sometimes.

You eyed his waist, reluctantly deciding to wrap your arms around it with a heavy sigh. “I’ll probably regret this and get my heart broken.”

“Hopefully it’s not your heart that gets broken,” Rin quickly added, looking down at your body with a sneaky grin. You glared at him, hiding away the smile on your lips.

“You know we have to like- go on dates. During the day and all?”

He nodded like this was a work interview and he was expecting the question.

“Okay, so get ready. Let’s go to my game,” he signaled over to your room given your bathrobe, but you could only stare at him cautiously.

“I mean it. Come cheer for me,” Rin leaned down to you with the whisper, reaching your eye level. You nodded, rushing to get dressed once he planted a kiss on your cheek.

“You know,” he started off casually, grabbing your hand. “I might’ve cried if you hadn’t come back with me.”

“Oh, really?” You smirked at him, curiosity filling you.

Swiftly noticing your mood shift, he explained. “Well I talked to some friends...for advice, or whatever. So if I had showed back alone, those two jerks would’ve never let me hear the end of it.”

He squeezed your hand as laughter soared through you, your free hand traveling to your abdomen when it began hurting. “Seriously?” You added when you managed to control the laughter, gaining a glare from Suna.

“Seriously.”

When your eyes had returned to the road ahead of you, he lifted your intertwined hands to his mouth, kissing the back of your palm.

“I’ll do this, so just don’t complain anymore okay?”

This was so long??? If you actually read all of it, THANK YOU LMAO. also sorry for the weird spaces sometimes, i like writing in docs so i don’t lose anything aha so it b weird sometimes idky. okay yeah thank you !!

art credit: damnzucoyy on tiktok

#stoner suna #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu writing #haikyuu fanfiction #inarizaki #suna rintaro #suna rintaro x y/n #suna rintaro smut #suna rintaro imagine #suna rintaro x reader #suna rintaro angst #suna rintaro fluff #suna rintaro smau #suna rintaro x you #oikawa fluff #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons

[aiiwa]

FRESHMAN YEAR — IWAIZUMI HAJIME.

— iwaizumi hajime.

⤷ genre: college au - fluff / smut

⤷ warnings: cursing, mature content and themes, smut, oral (receiving and giving), unprotected sex

⤷ word count: 6.2k

— a/n: this was an anon request for a reader trying to sneak off away from iwa the morning after and he ain’t having none of that 😈

i had no intention of this being so long, but iwa just gets me going aight!!

freshman year of college had given you many things.

an unrivalled expertise in procrastination - avoiding the overwhelming influx of assignments from your professors was second-nature at this point; party now, cry later, right? carpe fucking diem, no? either way, it had also given you a liver which begged for a glass of water, a drop even, anything but the wretched burn of vodka and the copious amounts of iced lattes at three in the morning. and deities forbid your mother ever finding out her daughter lived off of spicy instant ramen that somehow was always on sale at the campus convenience store. you even considered the discounted prices stemmed from the store owners taking pity on you each time you stood before them counting loose change.

yet freshman year of college had also given you a best friend in the form of matsukawa issei. and hanamaki takahiro, since they were a package deal of course. but mattsun had been presented to you on a silver platter.

butt ass naked, just like the day he was brought into this world.

arriving on campus a week before the start of the first semester, the last thing you expected to see was a hunched over figure, bare ass mooning right in front of you, banging on the fragile door of your dorm. shaking out of your stupor, you had all but cussed him out in the corridor, earning more unnecessary attention from other nosy students, before you dragged him by his arm into your room. in the flurry of your attempted rescue, he’d dropped the hand that was holding whatever sliver of dignity he had left. you had even failed to realise how this strange boy was almost a foot taller than you, and rather being eye-to-eye, it was rather eye-to-waist - and you had made the mistake of glancing lower.

“yeah lil’ big mattsun is a looker, right?” you prayed everyday to forget his first words to you. the prayers had yet to be answered, though your initial reaction had made it somewhat alright to think back on.

you had screamed bloody murder, sending mattsun into a frenzied panic, his own screams harmonising yours. then you had cried, furiously rubbing at your eyes, and sobbing about how your eyes would never be the same again. when he had reached out to comfort you, that’s when you turned on him, jumping upwards to swat at his bony shoulders. after he tumbled over your rug, the two of you halted, eyeing each other before laughing like maniacs.

he left your dorm that day, running off in your pink fluffy robe with plans to meet up later for dinner. when he introduced you to the pink-haired makki - the reason behind mattsun’s nudity at your door, though the specifics were lost - the three of you hit it off like a bunch of crazies.

most days were spent between your dorm and their shared apartment; stress eating over forgotten assignments, binging shitty reality tv shows - the bachelor was just hitting different this season - and pre-gaming a bit too hard before nights out.

it had confused you at first on how, as much as you were over at their apartment, you had yet to meet their other roommate. makki had told you he was a close friend from back home in miyagi, the serious type who spent most of his time training, studying or working; and it was mattsun who had said he was a total mom, “he’s our mommy,” were his exact words, adding to the list of things you wish you could forget.

it was probably around two months into the semester, when you’d finally met their elusive third roommate.

that night mattsun, makki and you were in a rare state of focus, working diligently on your own respective papers, when they’d nominated you to heat up some frozen pizza to snack on. which is how you found yourself, grumbling, bent at the waist to place the pizza in the oven; ignorant to the jingling of keys, and heavyset footsteps entering the kitchen.

“well this is something new to come home to.”

you jolted at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, whacking the side of your skull on the edge of the counter in a haste to stand up to your full height. you cursed loudly, hand pressed against the throbbing pain in your head as you turned to glare at the culprit. though that was cut short, alongside your breathing, by the sexiest man alive you had ever laid your eyes on, entering your personal space.

he towered over you, not in the same way as mattsun or makki, but what he lacked in height, he made up for in brawn. your eyes greedily traced his body; the steel gray gym shirt clung to him like a second skin, eight slight dips outlining his abs and his wide chest. broad shoulders blocked your view from everything irrelevant behind him, and you watched, almost in slow motion, as his biceps flexed under the tight confines of his shirt sleeves, to reach out and place his much larger hand over yours. you felt every fibre in your being going into overdrive under his unexpected touch, and all he was doing was checking over the swelled up island on your forehead.

“are you alright, y/n?” your ovaries were quaking at the deep rasp of his voice- and wait, he knows your name? “you are y/n, right?” he asked, reading the confusion on your face. you nodded absentmindedly, raising your gaze to meet his own.

you groaned inwardly - who gave this man the right to a sexy body and to look this fucking good? taking in the handsome features of his face; wild crop of dark chocolate hair, smooth tanned skin, highlighting the sharp cut of his jaw, and the attractive straight of his nose. his lips were pouty, eyes slanted under shaped brows, olive hues peeking past his long dark lashes to stare at you.

he moved his hand away from the top of yours, the added warmth missed already; and took your lack of reply as a sign to introduce himself and apologise.

“i’m mattsun and makki’s roommate, iwaizumi hajime. sorry for scaring you.”

you were ready to drag mattsun and makki to hell and back for hiding this fine man- no, greek fucking god, from you all this time. in an attempt to compose yourself and avoid anymore embarrassment, you smiled, dopily, releasing an airy laugh while waving off the apology.

“i’m l/n y/n.”

amusement shifted over his features, a smirk painting over his lips as his eyes creased on the sides. you had to hold on tightly to the reigns forbidding you from openly swooning.

“i know.” he chucked lowly.

you had never wanted the ground to swallow you whole as much as then. the heat you could feel radiating off your cheeks was a clear sign of how embarrassed you were, making a complete fool of yourself in front of the man you were borderline prepared to request to be your future baby daddy. so when mattsun strolled in, casually greeting iwa and poking at the bump on your forehead, you hadn’t been more grateful for your best friend.

too bad it wasn’t enough to avoid the wrath you unleashed on him and makki later on; a series of kicks to their sides, and their own personal hell of listening to how badly you wanted to be split open on his dick.

thinking you had scared away the gorgeous iwaizumi, you were ready to be avoided at all costs. yet surprisingly, after that night, he was suddenly everywhere.

he joined in on your hangouts with the boys. group study sessions where you usually did more foolery than studying? iwa was there to knock all of you into gear. late night fast food runs to satisfy your cravings? iwa was driving, kicking mattsun and makki to the back of his jeep when they’d try to steal your designated seat next to him. and the parties he used to avoid? there he was stuck in the chaos of it all, holding your drink and glaring at anyone who dared to approach the two of you.

of course, iwa’s sudden involvement in your life hadn’t gone unnoticed by mattsun and makki - the two of you becoming their favourite victims to tease. and when his threats and your fists were no longer able to get them off your backs, iwa had taken to spending time with you, without them.

you liked to call them not-dates, even though it was just to parry the feelings rapidly developing for him.

going to the coffee shop you two often frequented so he could buy your favourite drink while you ranted about your shitty group presentation, was a not-date. taking him to the drive-in godzilla screenings every friday for five weeks, because you knew they were his favourite movies, was a not-date. him making you dinner every other night because your mom found out about your insane intake of instant ramen and blasted you during a video call while he was over, was a not-date.

as expected after months of this going on, your two best friends constantly called you out for your not-dates being actual dates. even one of your classmates took to informing you each time your ‘body builder boyfriend’ was waiting outside for you. but ignorance was bliss, and you were sure iwa didn’t feel that way towards you. at least that was until the day you had met oikawa tooru.

you noticed that iwa had been more than a bit apprehensive, as each day passed bringing his best friend’s return to japan closer and closer, though he wouldn’t explain why. yet it seemed it was over nothing, since you and oikawa got along great, even if he did comment every other second on you and iwa’s closeness. meeting the pretty setter had been like placing the missing puzzle piece in the dynamic with your favourite boys.

after a loud lunch with the four boys, oikawa had pulled you in for a tight hug as iwa was about to drop you off to your afternoon class for that day.

“iwa-chan talks about you all the time, y/n-chan, but he’s a dum-dum so forgive him for being slow, alright!” he had whispered in your ear, before pulling away with a mischievous glint in his mocha coloured eyes. “iwa-chan you sly dog! keeping y/n all to yourself, hmm? maybe i should just take her back with me to argentina- wait, iwa-chan, i’m sorry! don’t chase me! gah!”

after that, you started to accept the fact that maybe what was once simply physical attraction, had turned into a deep affection for iwaizumi. the only issue was that, like oikawa said, iwa was a dum-dum, and he didn’t mention anything from what oikawa said that day or his extreme reaction to oikawa’s teasing. hell, you didn’t even know if he even realised that the way he treated you, which was very much a stark contrast to how he treated others, was him subconsciously wooing you.

so the not-dates continued, and you inevitably fell deeper and deeper for sweet, oblivious iwa.

the semesters flew by, it was finally the end of freshman year; exams completed, life instantly renewed, and you were ready to attend the shit show of an end-of-year finisher tonight. the plans were for you to drive over to the boys’ apartment, pre-game like never before, and then head off to the party. so you were surprised when your phone pinged with a string of messages from the group chat.

stepping out of the elevator, the click clack of your laced-up stilettos echoed in the tiled corridor, as you made your way towards the boys’ apartment. the better part of you was suspicious of mattsun and makki’s sudden change of plans; though it was shot to the back of your mind as you raised a manicured hand to tap against their door.

shifting around a bit, you didn’t have to wait long before the door was yanked open.

“y/n.” iwa greeted you with a lopsided grin.

you couldn’t prevent the gasp that escaped your glossy lips at the sight of him.

an arm was held above his head, bicep flexing as his hand rested on top of the door frame, the other scratching the back of his thick neck. the rich scent of his cinnamon cologne, mixed with the musk of his aftershave wafted around you; as your eyes followed the droplet from his damp hair, sliding down the side of his jaw on to his bare shoulders. now, shirt-wearing iwa was incredible, with his collection of monotone coloured shirts that always seemed a size too small; but shirtless iwa? had you frothing at the mouth.

you dared your eyes to move lower, skirting over the delicious sight of his bare chest, and willing yourself to commit every stretch of him to memory. the taut muscles of his stomach tightened as you drank them in, the deep v indents cut around his hips, and your eyes followed over the fuzzy trail of dark hair that disappeared underneath the waistband of his jeans that sat dangerously low.

and while your mouth ran dry, you couldn’t say the same thing about the situation between your legs; pressing your thighs together to alleviate some of the pressure.

“iwa, uh...the boys...said to come over, change of plans.” was all you were able to choke out. physically you were standing before him, but mentally you were writhing under him.

“i know, they left a while ago.” he replied, the corner of his pretty mouth tugged upwards. “i’m almost ready to go, come inside.”

he already took up the entire space of the door frame, and when he only moved a bit to the side, you were forced to slip through the tiniest of gaps; shivering as your shoulder grazed against his own. standing in the middle of the hallway, you heard the soft click of the door closing, before iwa turned to face you.

you could feel the intoxicating heat radiating off his body spread across your own. the two of your were so close in each other’s space, chest to chest, and even in heels, you still only reached just under his jaw. when you glanced up to look at him, you swore you had caught his olive eyes lingering on the exposed skin of your breasts, before they moved to meet yours.

something different swirled in the depths of iwa’s eyes, something you had never witnessed before. something kin to a wolf staring at its lamb; a hunger so strong, so...fuck...

“you look beautiful, y/n.”

the compliment strikes you in surprise, feeling the flush rise up in your face, and the fluttering in your stomach. you could feel the pounding of your heart beat, drumming in your ears; watching his adam’s apple bob slowly, as he moved his hand to brush away the hair covering your neck. naturally you leaned into his touch.

“iwa…?” you whispered out to him in slight confusion.

“this dress on you...driving me crazy,” he starts, before cutting himself off with a groan. “sorry, y/n, i-i think i overstepped.” he tries to move his hand away from your neck, but you wrap your fingers around his wrist.

oikawa’s voice ran through your mind in a fleeting memory- ‘...forgive him for being slow, alright!’

“are you drunk, iwa?”

“what? no...i haven’t...i’m sober.”

“that’s good then.”

“y/n? good for what?”

“it’s good because then you can show me.” your fingers reach out to flitter over the ridges of his stomach. “won’t you show me how my dress drives you crazy, iwa?”

the surge of courage coursing through your veins, to be able to call him out like you had wanted to for months and seasons, was all it took for iwa to lose the composure he always kept up around you.

without hesitation, the big hand on your neck tugs you right into him; tits pushed together against his chest, as he dips his head to press his lips against yours.

the kiss is far from simple; there’s no room for it, months of pining won’t allow sweet and slow. your hand slides over his broad shoulder, to pull at the dark tufts at the nape of his neck; mouth slanting over his, tongues brushing against each other sensually. you explore his mouth, tasting him, while his hands squeeze over the curves of your body, eliciting a moan once he grabs at the fullness of your ass. you push up against him further, the hard tent in his pants straining against your belly.

“more, iwa, please...need more.” you pant against his lips.

“i got you baby, don’t worry.” he kisses you again, slower, with just as much passion. bending at the knees, and hiking the end of your dress up under your ass, he grabs at the silky underside of your thighs to lift you up into him - ankles locked at the bottom of his spine. he’s carrying you like nothing, and the amusing thought of his arms not only being for show flies through your head before you’re gasping.

the feeling of being pulled flush against him, the damp heat of your clothed pussy grinding against his bare stomach, has you keening for more. he groans loudly at the feeling of your slick coating his skin, and you jostle about as he begins walking through the hallway and towards his bedroom. as your sucking gently on his tongue, he carries you into his room, kicking the door closed behind him.

once his knees hit the edge of his mattress, he gently lowers you to lay down before him on your back. he hovers over you, the lewd swirling of your tongues has your head spinning before he moves from your mouth to latch onto your neck.

“ah, iwa- fuck,” you moan as his teeth grazed your sweet spot. he rolls his hips into you, spreading your legs to accommodate him more, while tugging at the ribbons of your heels. “what about...the party?”

sitting up from you, he grips your legs, sliding you right into him. through heavy lidded eyes, you watch as he takes in your disheveled appearance, a smirk taking over his features.

“fuck the party.” his large palms work the straps of your dress down, exposing your perfect tits; he groans at the sight, leaning down to take a pebbled nipple into his hot mouth. “this night is for me and you, baby.”

you weren’t necessarily a morning person, so living in the dorms, had been a relatively easy decision to make. you had a room to yourself, away from trees allowing a nice view of the campus grounds, and subsequently circumventing the annoying chirping of nested birds. you even added blackout curtains to block out the morning sun.

so when you were woken up by the itching burn of the sunrise on your stomach and your ears ringing with incessant twittering, you groaned loudly.

burying your face deeper into the fluffy pillow under your head, you were squirming under the heavy weight resting over half your body; irritation growing with your inability to get comfortable. peeking an eye open, blinking away the sleep clouding your vision, you took in the sight of a sleeping iwaizumi snuggled between the valley of your breasts. as you became more aware of your body and its surroundings, you felt the panic settling in.

as if he could sense your consciousness, the arm wrapped around your waist gave you a squeeze as he mumbled incoherently. “mmm, baby...y/n...feels good…” his hand slid down the side of your thigh, goosebumps following his fingertips, before it rested on your inner thigh; and he was drifting back to sleep.

you had to shove your fist against your mouth to stop yourself from screaming.

part of you was in denial that last night had actually happened. you, l/n y/n, had spent the night with the iwaizumi hajime - man of your literal dreams, who you had fallen so deeply for. and you had spent it having sex.

raw. nasty. passionate. earth-shattering. sex.

“fuck.” you whispered to yourself. “how could i be so stupid?” you were cursing yourself internally, certain you had fucked up everything you had built in your friendship with iwa - there was honestly no coming back from what transpired between you two.

and with your fight-or-flight response triggered, there was only one thing for you to do right now - get the fuck out of there.

maneuvering your body from underneath iwa’s big arm, without waking him up was a feat in itself. doing so with the way your muscles ached with each motion was on another level. sliding one foot after the other out from under his charcoal bed sheets, you pushed yourself up to sit.

looking behind you at iwa’s sleeping figure, you felt yourself swooning. half lying on his side, with his cotton sheets draped over his waist, you couldn’t help but admire him. his mouth was slightly open, his big arms cuddling the pillow you were laying on, and the smooth skin of his tanned back were tainted with red, angry marks. gulping audibly, your eyes dragged down to the prominent outline of his half-hard cock.

pushing himself up by his forearms, the desperation swimming in his eyes was begging for your touch. you grazed your teeth across his chest, biting at his hardened nipples teasingly, before moving further down from his lap while your tongue drew circles around the dips of his taut abdomen.

“y/n, don’t tease me.”

you smirked at his order, sucking on his skin and pressing wet kisses on his hip bones, before leaning back. he watched you eagerly as your dainty fingers tugged at his belt buckle clumsily, lifting himself up he could slip out of his jeans.

“can’t wait to have your cock in my mouth.” you cooed, eyes starstruck at the tent in his boxer briefs, wet patch dampening at its peak. hooking your finger under the waistband, you hastily yanked the briefs down to free him, his hard cock slapping against his stomach. “fuck you’re so big, haji.”

he was easily the biggest you’ve seen, ever had the chance of pleasuring - so thick, so long, and so fucking beautiful.

you didn’t bother to dwell on the taste of his name on your lips, when you were too busy tasting the essence leaking from his angry, swollen tip. you could barely wrap your hands around the base of his cock, as you pressed a sweet kiss on the head, pre cum coating your lips, before taking it in your hot mouth, suckling gently.

the groan he releases is animalistic, and his hips buck upwards to shove his cock deeper in your mouth. pressing your hand at his navel to keep him steady, you continue sucking harshly, almost painfully, before lowering your head down. his cock slides down your throat, inch by inch, as tears prick at your eyes and you can feel your drool drop on the thumb massaging his balls. he blocked your airways, but fuck breathing when the look on his face when you take all of him in your mouth like a good girl is so, so perfect.

steadily bobbing your head, you feel every inch of him down your throat; tongue swirling around his length, and he twitches every time you trace the thick vein on the underside of his cock. you suck faster and harder as iwa reaches a hand out to feel around your throat.

“fuck, baby, i can feel me in your throat. so fucking good, just like that.” he hisses out, choking up when you begin to hum. “mmm fuck- ah, shit! gonna cum baby! fuck!”

yanking away your hand you hadn’t realised was brushing around your neck as the vision of him disappeared from your thoughts, you stood up, a bit unsteady on your feet at first. you could still taste him, as you ran your tongue over the hood of your mouth.

knowing you were getting distracted, you shook your head gently, pushing your hair away from your face. you needed your clothes, so glancing around, taking note of the strips of clothing scrambled in his room - your eyes caught the baby pink of your lace panties hanging from his bedside lamp.

one second you were swallowing his cock down your throat, and the next he had torn the rest of your dress off and had you laid out in front of him.

iwa made fast work in manhandling you the way he wanted. stretching his legs straight beside you, he pulled you right into him; you gasped as he lifted you up by your waist, practically folding you with the underside of your thighs tucked under the bulk of his arms, knees by your shoulders, and your lower back pressed right against his heaving chest. he was hunched over you, wrapping you fully in his embrace, while you were spread out right in his face.

“you soaked right through your pretty panties, baby.” leaning down, he presses his nose right into your clothed heat, making you squirm, as he breathes you in. “fuck, you smell so sweet, i wanna eat you up real good.”

“i-iwa.” you whined, staring at him through heavy-lidded eyes as you pressed the side of your face into the mattress.

“no, no baby. when we’re like this…” he starts, reaching a hand to tear the thin, and expensive, material right off of you. before you have a chance to complain, his hot breath blows on your drooling pussy, tight hole clenching around nothing in anticipation. “...you’ll say my name.”

“h-hajime, please, haji.” you beg, feeling embarrassed at how exposed you were. he could see everything, do anything to you as he pleased, and you would just let him. so when he presses his heavy tongue flat against your slit, licking all the way up to your throbbing clit; you can’t help but dig your finger nails into his toned calves beside you. “ah- yes! mmm...haji, oh-!”

sucking on your clit, he digs his fingers into your thighs, deeper and deeper in response to your whiny moans for more. he hums against you, mumbling about how sweet you taste, how much he can’t get enough of your flavour, and you can feel him getting hard again - grinding against your back. he slides his tongue between your folds, slurping you up so good, that it’s no surprise you’re teetered over the edge.

“haji! oh, oh fuck! ah yes!” the waves of you cumming hits hard as your pussy gushes all over the lower half of his face. “daddy! s-so good, f-fuck!”

still up in the clouds from your high, calling him daddy flies over your head, but isn’t missed by iwa. you watch, dazed, as he moves away from your pussy, a lewd string of silver connects his mouth to you, his chin glistening with your juices. reaching around your trembling thighs, his thumbs spread your lips so he can get an ever better view of your sopping cunt.

“i knew you’d be my good baby and say my name.” he grins, before leaning back down to you and delving his tongue right in your pussy, tongue-fucking you slowly and massaging your slick walls, his nose nudging your sensitive clit. “now come again in daddy’s mouth.”

heat pooled between your legs as you stretched, ignoring the iwa-sized hand prints painted purple across your thighs, while you thought about him and the magic his mouth performed. waddling to his side table - you examined the remnants of your panties; the pretty pink lace was all but shredded, and you hopelessly threw the material in the trash.

“fucking hell, iwa.” the glare you aimed his way, softened drastically as you took in his sleeping figure. sighing, you turn and spot what may be your dress halfway under his bed.

shuffling over, you crouch, the burn in your thighs making itself even more known and forcing your eyes to shut in a grimace.

the way iwa’s cock filled your little cunt felt while you rode him was incredible. nothing could ever compare to the way he was ruining you from the inside out, and you were sure nothing would ever come close. his big hands palmed your ass while you were bouncing up and down on his length, your belly jutting out every time he was sheathed inside you, your thighs tremored each time they slapped against his.

“fuck, daddy! feels...mmm…wanna cum, please!” your tongue was lolling out of your mouth, as fucked yourself on his cock, digging crescent moon shapes into his shoulder blades. one of his hands remained firmly on your ass, while fingers of the other reached around to pinch your clit.

with a scream you came undone, creaming all over his still-hard cock, and collapsing forward onto his sweaty chest. you whimpered, while he continued to fuck up into your used pussy. despite the tears threatening to fall down your flushed cheeks; you mewled for more.

“shh, baby,” iwa hummed into your neck, you could feel his grin against your skin, peppering kisses as you leaned into him. “daddy’s gonna make you feel even better.”

his thick arms wrapped almost painfully in a death grip around your exhausted body, as he locked his legs and angled himself into your pussy; fucking deep inside you, and hitting your cervix with each stroke. you came again, harder, legs quivering as your insides spasmed; this time joined by his orgasm, as the mixture of his cum was stuffed inside you.

your eyes shot open, breathing slightly laboured. it hadn’t even been a day, only mere hours, and the way iwa had taken over your mind was slowly driving you insane. dropping to your knees, you reached out to grab at your dress, having to slide the top half of your body under the bed.

that sound of iwa’s big hand slapping your ass while he pounded into you from behind, rung in your ears, but the sting and the pleasure was all your fucked out brain could comprehend. he was absolutely relentless with his too-big cock, tearing into you.

on all fours, you arched your back more to accommodate him. each thrust had him bottoming out in your already leaking pussy.

“fuck baby, just like that, mmm- push back into me.”

everything just felt too fucking good. the harsh pace of his strokes had you blabbering, moaning about how good he felt into the mattress.

“don’t stop! oh fuck, please don’t stop haji!”

but you felt his pace begin to slow just as you were about to climax, and when you tried to move back on him his grip on your waist tightened. with ease, he flipped you on your back, almost skewering you on his cock still inside you. hooking the backs of your knees over his elbows as he leaned over you, his full weight folding your body underneath him, as he wove his fingers with yours into the mattress above your head.

“look at my fat cock sliding into that sweet cunt, baby.” iwa grunts. his arms strained, holding his weight up from crushing you, as he teased your sloppy hole. “fuck, you take me so good, baby.”

you whimpered, looking at the connection between the two of you. with a roll of his hips, you watched as his cock slid into your silky walls, the lewd sound of you squelching with every stroke had you arching up, wanting him deeper in your tummy as you gushed around him.

unlike before when his thrusts were rough, filled with raw feral passion; it was now slow, sensual and so fucking sexy. and when you met his gaze, as he continued to grind into you, gripping your fingers tightly between his; it felt as though he was trying to tell you something.

that intense emotion swirling deep in his olive gaze was searing, burning through you from the inside out. everything unsaid between the two of you. but soon enough your orgasm hit you harder than ever, pleasure electric under your heated skin.

“haji, haji, haji- oh, fuck yes!” you chanted his name like a prayer.

“y/n, baby, fuck i love you-“ he moans out, strokes becoming sloppy. “wanted this...for so long- shit, i’m cumming baby!”

snatching your dress from under the bed, you sat on your knees at the foot of his bed, thinking over everything you just wanted to ignore for the time being. you almost wish you could forget he had told you he loved you. how could you possible believe those three words while he was at the pinnacle of his pleasure?

suddenly the shrill ringtone of iwa’s phone blasted next to him. scrambling to your feet, you snatched the phone; fingers mashing the screen to cut off the sound before he woke up.

“what?” you hissed, holding the phone to your ear as you glanced at iwa. you thanked whichever gods were watching over you that he was still fast asleep.

“oho? y/n-chan? is that you~?” nevermind, the gods were out for you.

“tooru?”

“the one and only!” you winced at the smug teasing in his tone. “i was hoping to speak to iwa-chan, but i heard he was a naughty boy last night!”

“uh...what?”

“as in i literally heard him, and you, last night when i came back to the apartment!” oikawa recalls in a sing-song voice, rambling on about how he was here to surprise the two of you. “i always knew our dear iwa-chan had a daddy kink!”

placing the phone between your ear and your shoulder, you attempted to fit your dress over you, while oikawa continued on his spiel of how it took way too fucking long for the two of you to do something about the sexual tension. you had no chance to even peep a word in.

“damn baby, now this view i could definitely get used to.”

you almost shrieked, bumping into iwa’s naked body, and tripping over the dress  dropped around your ankles. you had no idea he’d woken up, sneaking right up behind you in all his naked fucking glory; forcing you to try your hardest not to eye his cock standing at full attention.

“is that iwa-chan?!” oikawa all but screams into the phone. iwa raises a questioning brow, hearing his best friend on the other line. “tell him to be good and wrap it up! no glove, no love!”

you had no business feeling embarrassed at the brat king’s words, while iwa snatched his phone away from you.

“too late for that, shittykawa.” oikawa’s screeches are the last thing you hear before iwa ends the call.

you almost dare to chuckle at the thought of oikawa’s reaction; but falter under iwa’s stare. it’s the same look he gives mattsun or makki when they’re in trouble, but it’s mixed in with the same scorching look from last night, and you shift on your feet nervously, wrapping your arms across your chest.

“going somewhere?” iwa gruffs out, the raspiness of his morning voice had you tugging your bottom lip between your teeth.

“um, home…?” the uncertainty was clear in your voice, especially as he scowled when you mentioned leaving. “iwa, i-”

“oh so it’s iwa now?” he cuts you off, taking a step closer into your space. “i liked it when you called me haji, though daddy follows closely after that.”

you gasp when a thick arm snakes around your waist, pulling you up against him. his other hand caresses your cheek so sweetly, before he grabs your jaw to tilt your face up to his, taking your lips with his own. the kiss is gentle, soft lips moving against your own as his tongue brushes yours sweetly. you’ve fully melted in his hold, eyes still closed when he breaks the kiss.

“i meant what i said last night, y/n.” he whispers against your mouth. “i love you.” your eyes shoot open, and you can feel your heart trying to beat itself out of your chest.

“i-i love you too.” you murmur back, and the smile he gives you has you ready to combust right before him. after all this time, a party had been the reason you finally admitted your feelings for him.

“now come back to bed.” you squeal as he lifts you up and over his shoulder, the grip he takes on your inner thigh is ticklish making you squirm about. “i’m gonna cuddle you back to sleep, and then when we wake up i’m gonna take you out on a date, okay baby?”

you giggle as he tosses you back on his fluffy mattress, dropping himself right on top of you and nuzzling his face into the dip between your neck and shoulder. running your hands softly over the muscled panes of his back, one reaches out to thread your fingers in the tufts of dark hair at his nape.

“okay, haji.”

freshman year had given you a lot of things, but iwaizumi hajime was the best thing yet. you couldn’t wait to see what sophomore year had in store for you.

© 2020 AIIWA. please do not copy, modify or repost my work.

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi imagine #haikyuu smut #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu college au #iwaizumi hajime x reader #oikawa tooru #matsukawa issei #hanamaki takahiro #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #iwa x reader

[angsty-omi]

arms tonite

fuckboy!atsumu miya x fem!reader

genre: angst, unrequited love,

cw: suggestive content, swearing, heartbreak

word count: 1.5 k

Different girl every night and no repeats; that was the rule of law Atsumu Miya lived by. Whether it was Asians, Whites, or Black girls he didn’t discriminate. If they had a beating heart and a pussy then he was set. Hearing about these conquests as his best friend, really made you think ‘wow who’s the poor that let Atsumu put his dick in that night?’ And as you would find it, soon enough it’d be you.

Media portrayal of college students, especially in movies, falsely portrayed college students and gave unrealistic ideas of how they live. These media outlets give impractical ideas of what college students are- intense party seekers, people who have all the time in the world, or just lazy nonworking students who revolve everything around their social lives. This was, by all means not true.

You, and many other diligent college students, can attest to this. The heavy number of finals and research papers due would soon drown you in your sleep. To prevent you from feeling overwhelmed, you always went to him. The one person who could talk your ear off, which though annoying, kept your mind off things, Miya Atsumu. See, Atsumu had the ultimate college experience. The ones that occurred on screen, the ‘intense party seeking’ events where somehow your invite was always lost in the mail. Every Wednesday, you’d always fit him into your schedule for brunch, which mostly consisted of him talking about the ‘new freshman babes’ at the Inarizaki Frat House, and you lived vicariously through him, not because you were envious of his lifestyle, rather, you were just interested in what could’ve been. 

“Did you get that Y/N?” Your thoughts were interrupted.

“U-uh, yeah! Of course, I did.” You tried playing it off, but Atsumu could see right through you. He knew all your mannerisms, for example, when you bite your lip, it’s a sign that you’re prepared for a big change or if you handball your T-Shirt, you’re feeling insecure. He could tell you had something weighing in on you, but he decided to ignore your blatant lie and wait for you to tell him.

“So, are you gonna tell how you’ve been doin’?” He lightly asked. 

“Yeah, uh life has been hard for me… I guess. It’s just that- with all these finals I am feeling so overwhelmed,” you buried your face in your hands to attempt forgetting about school. Knowing Atsumu, he would just drown out your sorrow, or so you thought. You continued, “I can’t eat, sleep, or you know-,” not even acknowledging the fact you just referred about your inability to get off. Atsumu became was suspiciously quiet. 

“What,” you furrowed your eyebrows. “Nothing, Nothing,” he shook his head, chuckling.

 “No, seriously what’s so funny?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“Ya’ reeeaaaallly want to know?”

“I said yes already, just spit it out,” you irritated with anticipation. 

“I could help your little issue down there,” Atsumu grinned. Studying? When has Atsumu Miya ever wanted to study with you? The only reason he got into this school was because  he was a D1 athlete. Unless, he turned a new leaf and he chose a path where you don’t slap a ball back and forth because quite frankly you thought that it was risky caree- Oh. That little issue. “You’ve got to be kidding, I would never,” you felt offended. It wasn’t that he was ugly, it was quite the opposite. He had a charming personality, while also being built like a Greek God, and with a face like that it’s no wonder these girls fall for him. However, you felt too prideful to sleep with him. Sure, you may have some underlying feelings for him that you shut down deep inside, but you didn’t want to be treated like a human toy. So, that thought was always out of the question.  

“Never say n-” He was interrupted with his corny ringtone.

“Hello?... Yeah, I’m free, right now… Alright, see you then.” 

Atsumu always did this, it was like clockwork. He’d bail on you when you clearly were in distress and he could not even prioritize time to listen. He even, left you with the check. Sure, he’d Venmo you afterwards, but it still hurt nonetheless. On the walk back to your dorm, your thoughts were full of cursing Atsumu out for always bailing on you. Holding it in for so long only lasted you so much before you exploded. 

That night, Atsumu came over, not even expecting your wrath. 

An hour in, and he still couldn’t understand your argument. “Atsumu, if you could just.. I don’t know- not bail on me? Cause you know, it’s common courtesy!” You exclaimed. 

“Dude, it was literally just a few times, I don’t know why you’re getting so upset?”

“Upset? Upset? Upset is an understatement. How would you feel if I dropped you for some dick?”

“Like that would ever happen. C’mon, Y/N, you’re acting like my girlfriend and I’m uncomfortable.” He blurted, frustrated that this argument has lasted almost two hours. He just rejected you, and you didn’t even get the chance to even address those feelings. 

“Get out.”

“You know I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I don’t care, get out.” You wiped a treacherous tear from your eye. You opened the door, and gestured him to leave. But, he just stood there. Moving over to him in tears, you tried to push him out. Your measly arms were incomparable to his toned abs that he’s built since high school. He grasped your arms, and for a moment you could feel his padded thumb, wiping your cheek. Your faces were only a few inches away. This was your chance to get a taste of him, before he turned into a stranger. You leaned in his lips.

The lack of return made your heart drop. You let go and rambled with apologies,“I-I’m so sorry. Look, I-” He shut you up with another kiss, more passionate than yours. “I told ya’ I could fix that little issue of yours.”

The morning after, you woke up with your body aching in pain. Drool all over your chin, and in disgust, you wiped your mouth and skimmed your calendar. ‘The biomedical final isn’t at 10, it’s at 8-’ whispering to yourself. Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach. Then, you slowly gazed at your alarm clock, ‘7:57 AM’ it read. 

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” you screamed to yourself. Without thinking, you dashed out the door and sped to the testing center. At the entrance, your professor met eyes with you. “Testing entry is closed, I thought you were better than this, Y/N.” Scolding you up and down. I only missed the final by a couple of minutes, why is she shunning me? You thought. But before you could continue, you looked down. There you were, love marks all over, in your panties and an oversized T-shirt to top it off. 

You rushed into your dorm, to find the vampire who did this to you. The universe was seemingly against you once more, because on your way over to your bedroom, you slipped on a textbook. How ironic. The loud slam woke him up, making him sit upright. “Oh my God Y/N are you okay?” He said with a concerned look on his face.

“Why the fuck are you still in my bed?” 

“Well if you wanna know the details-” He smirked, “No no no, I’m okay,” you interrupted him. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what went on. 

You felt blood drip on your upper lip. Both of you just stared in shock. Immediately, he swiped you up, bridal style, and plopped you onto the sink. He stood in between your legs, soaking your nose with numerous amounts of toilet paper. There was a comfortable silence in the air. You know, Atsumu was quite beautiful with his mouth closed. The way the sunlight accentuated his sharp features, with his eyes reflecting a shade of light hazel. In an impulse, you pecked his lips and to your surprise, he reciprocated. 

It’s been a month since you’ve been hooking up and it’s become your new normal. As a small treat, you wanted to do surprise.

Prior to this dynamic, as best friends you always had a spare key, which his twin brother made sure of because Atsumu was forgetful. As tacky as it was, you were wearing a trench coat, that covered your bright red two-piece lingerie underneath. Silently twisting the knob, you walked into to his bedroom. The apartment was still clean, signaling that he wasn’t home. In which, gave you enough time to position yourself on his bed. After many awkward attempts of seductive positions, you chose the cross-over leg at the edge of his bed, which accentuated your hips. 

You heard his front door open, and his loud voice gave you the signal. You felt relaxed, but it wasn’t until you heard another voice. High-pitched and fruity, it was one of those voices you could tell it’d belong to a pretty girl. You panicked, and mentally scolded yourself for pushing Atsumu to go with a minimalist aesthetic for his bedroom, which left nowhere to hide for you. The knob was opened slightly, where only he could see you. Eye contact was made, and he immediately slammed the door shut. 

There was a muffled, “Hey! uh- my room is kind of dirty right now. Let’s go over to yours.” And after, hearing the front door shut, you assumed she complied. In awe, you mentally kicked yourself over and over again. You took off your attire immediately walking into your bedroom, it burned your skin with insecurities and embarrassment. So much for putting yourself out there. Although, what hurt the most was the way his eyes were full of disgust when he saw you.

That night, he knocked at your door. You opened it, thinking it was your food.

Your heart was beating rapidly, because just an hour ago you made a whole scheme of routes to take without seeing him. You coyly responded with, “you’re not my DoorDash,” and tried to close the door. But he blocked it.

“We need to talk,” he said in the most serious tone you’ve personally ever heard from him. How could those words scare you when you’re not in a relationship.

“What was that shit you pulled earlier?” He irritated. You felt so small under his gaze.

“I thought it would’ve been nice,” you mumbled. “Nice? That girl was the president of one of the most notorious sororities. She could’ve seen you.” He yelled, continuously blaming you. The way he viewed her, would never be the way he saw you. You were just a friend who needed a favor, not someone he actually wanted to pursue.

“You know what? Fine, my fault. Sorry that I ruined it, sorry that I showed up, sorry that I even planned it, sorry I ever thought that you saw me more than just a skank, sorry I even called you over that night, and finally, sorry for ever loving-” it just slipped out. His eyes widened, “Finish that sentence, Y/N. If I knew-”

“Knew what? Knew that I loved you, you wouldn’t have gotten involved? Yeah, well it’s too late. You know what? Just get out. I never want to see you again, Miya,” you sobbed, tears flowing down your face freely. Pounding your fists against his chest. His immobility gave you a small sliver of hope.

“I’m not ready, Y/N. I can’t give you what you want.” Conflicted, unbeknownst whether he was talking to you or himself. “But we can still be friends.”

That sentence was the nail in the coffin.

“It hurts to even look at you Atsumu.” Your voice cold. For someone that could read you so well, why did he think that would save your relationship? “I’ll.. be on my way then.” He slowly got up, and turned the knob. Selfishly enough, he made one more glance at you. He embraced this last glance. Did you know you were beautiful? Even with snot, running down your nose. Of course, you didn’t look back, you were too focused on biting your lips.

Atsumu’s face went pale. He knew what sign that meant. And the change was him. You were really set on ghosting him. With the door closed and Atsumu leaning on it, he couldn’t help to question why that made a pang in his heart.

#haikyuu angst #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fluff #atsumu x female reader #atsumu angst #atsumu fluff #atsumu x reader #haikyuu x reader

[ackermanslov4r]

request :HI! I love your writing! i was wondering if you could write an enemies to lovers one where Levi and (Y/N) are roommates but they hate each other, and then something bad happens like (Y/N) her brother or sister die and she gets really sad and levi is just being mean because he doesn’t know how to comfort her and they end up having an actual conversation and get to know each other a bit more and they start catching feelings but they don’t know what to do so (Y/N) gets a boyfriend to take her mind off levi and he gets jealous and gets a girlfriend but both of them are really just trying to make each other jealous and they end up getting angry and confronting each other and finally get together? That was really specific but it would be cool. THANKS

thank you! it’s quite long,it literally took me two weeks to write it lmao,so i hope you’ll like it <3

“I’m going to throw your shit away if you don’t clean your space.”

Standing in the middle of the room,Levi looked at your side of the room,a disgust expression on the face. It wasn’t that messy or that dirty , compared to some other room you’d seen,but it was enough to get Levi’s clean-freak-personality out.

“It’s not your space,why should you care ?”

“Because...” he stepped toward you,anger in his eyes.” First of all,that’s fucking disgusting ,and second ...” he bend,grabbing a shirt laying on the floor. “Your stuff is invading my personal space.”

In a quick move,he threw the shirt to your face. You grabbed it,groaning a bit. Levi was the worst roommate someone could have. He barely talked,and when he did ,it was usually to roast you. He wanted everything to be clean,didn’t tolerate too much sound... and the worst thing was that he barely ever slept,keeping the light on when you tried your best to rest. Bad luck wasn’t even enough to describe what happened to you when you were assigned as his roommate.

“Really sorry,sir . My dearest apologies.”

Anger flashed on Levi’s face,and he let out a “Tch” before turning his back on you. With a smirk,you threw the shirt away,back on Levi’s space.

............

“Y/n ? I...you should sit.”

Your ears buzzing,your brain still trying to proceed what was happening,you let yourself fall on the chair,barely noticing the tears on your cheeks.

“I’m sorry . It’s not my fault of course,but I’m sorry to be the one telling you this.”

It was as if the world had broke into pieces. Your brother... you couldn’t say it. Think about it. It was too painful,and you might be destroyed from it,from how your heart will break just by admitting that he was gone.

“I should...” you coughed,your voice rough because of the sobs you were containing. “I’m going to go ...to my room.”

“Do you need something ? Or do you want me to stay with you ?”

Your vision blurry because of your tears,you shook your head,thanked Armin for ... for what,you didn’t know,and went back to your personal space. It was a miracle that your legs were still carrying you,that you still knew how to walk. With a shaky hand,you opened the door,after many try.

“Stay silent,I’m working.”

Blinking through your tears,you glimpsed Levi,sitting at his deck. He looked calm,lazily writing on a paper,and seeing him like that,hearing his voice,when your world was falling apart ,made your blood heat into your veins.

“Why can’t you fucking leave me alone for once ?”

Levi’s angry eyes flew from what he was doing,and ,when they met yours,when he noticed your tears,his brows furrowed and he stood up a bit. He was half standing,half sitting,his arm pressed against the deck.

“What the hell happened to you ?”

Your sadness and despair turned into anger,even pure hate. It was better to feel this,better to be angry at him then falling apart.

“Stop acting like you care.”

Levi’s jaw clenched,and his grip on the deck tightened.

“You come here crying your eyes out and looking like shit, of course I...wonder what’s happening.”

A sharp laugh escaped your mouth,slowly turning into sobs. Levi stilled,throwing an awkward arm to you before letting it fall beside his leg. He took a step back,the anger in his eyes turning into what looked like worry. But,while someone else would have took you in their arms,holding you,telling you everything was okay...Levi did the opposite. He walked far way from you,his eyes scanning the room while he tried to think of what to do. He didn’t know how to comfort someone,and he disliked physical touch so much that he couldn’t bare himself to hold you,or get close to you. His whole body was screaming to him,screaming and telling him to go and help you,but he couldn’t bare himself to move.

“What’s happening is that ...” you said,your hand on your mouth,trying to contain your sobs . “It’s that my brother...died.”

The reality of it hit you like a storm,and your legs stopped working,dropping you to the floor. You were crying now,crying as if someone was taking your heart away,as if the world was burning in front of you. You felt ,more than you saw,Levi get closer to you. A few seconds,or a few minutes you didn’t know,later ,he laid his hand on your shoulder.

“I’ve known...”his voice was low,rough.” I...Many people die,and died, you know and ...”

Before he could even finish his sentence,you rose,pushing his hand away. You could barely stand,barely look ,but your ears worked perfectly ,and you didn’t want to listen to him. You didn’t want to listen to what he was going to say,because the words were obviously going to be harsh,and we’re going to hurt you even more.

“Get the fuck away from here Ackerman.”

You tried to wipe the tears from your cheeks,from your eyes,and looked at Levi. His eyes looked ancient suddenly,painful. The great,almost arrogant Levi Ackerman now looked miserable,helpless. A flash of pain appeared on his face at your words.

“Get . Out . Of . Here.” you grabbed some of his stuff and threw it to him. “I don’t want to see you,or hear you ever again. So get you damn stuff,your damn tea,your damn work,and leave me fucking alone.”

Each of your word was followed by you throwing something at him. He wasn’t even moving,didn’t flinch once,as you destroyed the room,his perfectly cleaned and arranged space.

“Y/n...”

“I said , get out !”you shouted,putting all your anger and sadness in the words. He didn’t deserve to be the one receiving it,but the thing was that he was the only one around,and that it was better for you to do that,better than turning these feelings on you.

Levi opened his mouth,and slowly closed it. He grabbed the papers he was working on when you came,and went away,leaving you standing there,in the messy room.

..........

Weeks passed,each day more blurry than the other. You could barely get out of bed,stuck inside of it by your sadness. You didn’t have any news of Levi and didn’t see him once,but there was some signs in the room,missing papers,some stuff suddenly clean ,that showed he had been there. You felt guilty of the way you had treated him , because even if you’d never been close to each other,and weren’t even friends,he didn’t deserved to be yelled at. Maybe he really wanted to help you,but you had pushed him away,and pushed him from his own room.

Lost in your thoughts,your dirty hair falling on your forehead,you suddenly heard the door open. You grabbed the blankets,pulling them to your shoulders,trying to hid your dirty and messy body behind it. The door was supposed to be closed,so this could only be one person.Someone who had the keys.

“Levi ?” your voice was rough from not talking to anyone for weeks.

The man appeared in front of the door,a worried expression on the face. You couldn’t tell if the worry was for how miserable you looked,or if he was afraid to be yelled at again.

“I thought you were sleeping.I’ll come back later.” he paused,quickly taking a look at the room,the dirty dishes, the clothes on the floor.

“No,no,you can stay . I mean,it’s also your room. You shouldn’t ...I shouldn’t stop you from coming here.”

His eyes studied your face,for so long that your cheeks started to blush. His eyes were haunted,and his gaze so piercing that when he looked at you like that,all his focus on you,it felt like he was reading in you like you were an open book.

“I don’t mind staying away if it makes you feel better.”

A small chuckle escaped your mouth. “ I don’t really look like i’m doing good right now, i don’t think you being here will change anything.At least the room will be clean if you ...move in again.”

Levi nodded,and took a step in the room. He stood there for a few seconds,apparently waiting to see if you’ll change your mind. When he was sure that you weren’t going to ask him to go again,he went to his side of the room,and started cleaning.

« I’m sorry »you said,your voice low,after a few minutes.  « I shouldn’t have talk to you like that. You’re annoying most of the time,but i understand now. Understand that you wanted to help me. »

The man froze,his back on you,and then slowly tilted his head,meeting your eyes.

« Good. I wasn’t really being nice with you all this time,i guess i sort of deserved some of the words you said. »

As he went back to what he was doing,you understood that this was his apologies. He’s not the type of person to the « sorry » our loud,but cleaning the room,leaving you alone ,his acts were his way of apologizing.

« I didn’t know you could be nice. »

This usual sound,a « tch » escaped Levi’s mouth,and you hadn’t realized how much you had missed it. How much you missed talking to people,having company.

« It’s not how i prefer to act but yes ,indeed,if i try i can at least be agreeable. »

« I’d like to see this side of you. You know,since we kept fighting ,maybe if you ...force yourself to be agreeable it won’t happen again. »

Levi turned,the ghost of a smile on his face . « This place is supposed to be were i relax,you really want me to torture myself and act nice ? »

« Spending time with me can never be a torture »

With a wink,you watched Levi’s ears blush a bit as he started cleaning again. This,the conversation you just had ,was so different from the others. You talked,really talked,without insulting each other for the first time. And you had to admit that it had made you feel good,for the first time in weeks.

You suddenly realized what you looked like,with your dirty hair,the clothes you’d been wearing for weeks.What a difference between you and Levi ! He was all clean,and didn’t even have a piece of dirt on his shirt.Standing quickly,a bit ashamed,you ran to the bathroom.

...........

Time passed,and surprisingly,you grew to enjoy Levi’s presence. His presence brought you comfort,and you had to admit that ,if you went out of this period of sadness ,it was all thank to him. Even if he never told you kind words,he kept bringing you stuff,making you tea,just being here,making you feel alive.

His words were still harsh,but there was something more in them now,more sweetness. He knew what you went through,how you were feeling,and all he wanted was to help you. And sometimes,late in the night,the two of you even had real conversation,about serious topic or just about each other.

You felt guilty of how you had treated him before,how you hated him even though you never tried to talk and know him. But now...now that you knew who he really was behind these cold features,now that you knew a bit of what he went through...You couldn’t help yourself from liking him. From having feelings for him. He had been there for you,even if you had pushed him away and treated him in the worst way ever. And now,even if you felt better,he was still there,and you had the feeling that he’ll always be.

But it felt dangerous. Liking Levi Ackerman was the most scariest thing you ever experienced. You couldn’t talk about it to anyone,because everyone around was scared of him. And you were afraid,afraid that he might not feel the same about you. He never showed how he felt,never showed any particular sign of affection toward you,and you were so afraid that ,if you told him how you felt,he’ll reject and leave you. He was too important for you.

So this is why you were now standing in front of that boy who had been crushing on you for years. You knew that what you were about to do was bad,but it felt like the only choice you had. You couldn’t stop yourself from thinking of Levi,so maybe,getting a boyfriend,spending some time with someone else will help you to get ride of these feelings.

« You’re ...serious y/n ? I mean...I can’t really believe it,after everything. »

The boy’s hope,his red cheek made your heart break. He was really deeply in love with you,and you were going to use him.

« Yes. I’d love to go on a date with you. »

« Amazing ! I...I’ll give you the details during the week ! I’m so ... I’m glad ! »

He waved at you,before running god knew where,a huge smile on the face. He was a nice boy after all,and maybe,maybe you’ll start to like him.

Lost in your thoughts,focused on what you were going to do,you didn’t notice the man behind you until he spoke.

« Why the hell are you going on a date with this dumbass ? »

Levi’s brows were furrowed,and his expression looked more angry than ever. It was the first time that you saw him without his usual cold mask,and you weren’t sure to like it. He took a look over the room,making sure that no one was around,before taking a step toward you.

« He asked me ,so i said yes. I didn’t know i needed your approval. »

Something flashed in Levi’s eyes,an emotion so quick that you couldn’t really tell what it was. But it was enough to make you regret your words. You blamed Levi for not showing his feelings for you,but you were doing the same by talking to him like that.

« You don’t. I just thought you’ll settle for a bit more than an idiot. »

You turned your eyes away from Levi’s,trying to hide your disappointment. You wanted him to tell you not to go,you wanted...him. You wanted to be wanted and loved by him,as much as you wanted and loved him. But he was Levi Ackerman,and even if he felt like this,he’ll never tell you. He’ll rather die than face happiness.

« You know,i think i’ll do that too. » Levi continued,his voice lower on each words

« Do what ? »

« Go on a date. There’s this girl who’s been turning around me for a while. She’s as dumb as a fly,but if you’re going on dates too,i don’t see why i couldn’t do it. »

Your heart,or what was left of it,stopped working for a few seconds. His voice was serious,everything in his behavior was serious,but a part of you kept yelling,hoping that he was joking. You couldn’t blame him from doing what you were doing,when there was nothing between you but still...you didn’t know it’ll hurt that much.

You hardly swallowed,holding back your tears.If he saw it,saw how you felt,he kept it to himself and didn’t say anything. Maybe that was better after all. Maybe you and him had been damned from the start. If even there was a start.

« Fine. You can take her to clean with you. I’m sure she’ll enjoy being yelled at for hours because she’s not sweeping the floor in the right way. » you said,barely recognizing your voice and the coldness of it.

« And you can be mean to this dumbass you’re going on a date with. I’m sure he’ll love it. »

You turned,your face so close to Levi’s that ,if you weren’t holding yourself from killing him,you’ll just have to move a bit to kiss him. His gaze was deadly,filled with anger,and his usual cold aura was now so sharp that it almost hurt to just stand next to him.

«  Why are you talking to me like that ? »

« Why are you acting like a child ? »

You both stood there for a few seconds,looking at each other,your breathing uneven.

“Do you really want to go with this guy ?” he asked with anger,but also with something else,almost like ...like he was begging you to say no. But it was probably your imagination,your feelings for him that wanted to convince you he felt the same.

“Why do you care ?”

“Can you stop asking questions and fucking answer for once ?”

His voice,how his voice was the same as usual,how he didn’t even raised it while you were starting to yell....It made you so angry against him,and you had never wanted to punch someone so much.

“You’re doing the same ,and don’t tell me how to act.”

He snorted,and took a step back before passing his hand through his hair.

“You know what y/n ? I don’t care. I don’t even know why were arguing. Go on that date,have fun ,if it’s possible with a guy like him,and don’t come at me if he turns out to break your heart.”

Your heart,your whole body was hurting from his word. You had acted like that because you didn’t want to lose him,you didn’t want to confess and lose him,but it still had happened. You were loosing him,not because of how you felt,but because of how dumb you’d been.

“And ...And what if i don’t go ? What if i tell you i don’t want to go on a date with him ?”

Levi studied you for a few seconds,and it looked like he was thinking of what to say. He opened his mouth,close it,started a sentence,and stopped in the middle of it. The angry man was replaced by someone else,an awkward one,one who didn’t know how to deal with stuff like that.

“Then i guess you’ll break that boy’s heart.”

“But what about you Levi ?” you said,hating how your voice was breaking. You were going to loose him anyway,so you could at least try to understand him,hold into that tiny hope that he might feel the same. “What about you if i go to that boy,and tell him i changed my mind ?”

His eyes,his damned eyes were locked into yours,and you glimpsed an image of how you looked,desperate,pathetic. He remained silent,and his lack of words was enough of an answer. You nodded,and turned your back on him. Leaving him,taking a step away from him felt like the most difficult thing ever,but you couldn’t hold into someone who didn’t care about you.

As you were almost out of the room,he cleared his throat ,and finally said : “If you don’t go on this date , i guess that ...that you’ll break that boys heart,but ...but save mine.”

You froze,your heart pounding against your chest. Slowly,aware of every breath,you turned to him. His eyes were on the floor,and he looked like a boy ,a little boy who was afraid of being yelled at.

“What does it mean Levi ?”

“Oi,don’t make me say it again,you perfectly understood.”

With a small chuckle,almost a sob,you walked to him and gently grabbed his chin,moving his head so his eyes were facing yours. You felt his breathing on your hand,and you were aware of how close you were now.And by the look on his eyes,he was aware of it.

“I guess i’ll only refuse to go on this guy’s date if someone else take me on one.”

“Is this a threat ?”

“No” you said,tilting your head toward Levi’s,your mouth almost touching his. “I’m just giving you ideas.”

Your world exploded in colors when your lips met his.

#attack on titan #levi ackerman headcanons #aot hcs #levi ackerman #levi headcanons #captain levi #anime #levi aot #levi x you #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi x y/n #levi x reader #submission

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials S2 Ep 6 - Rambling/Thoughts

I really cannot believe that we’re at the penultimate episode already, oh my gosh. It’s gone by so fast??

Again, because I’ve reread TSK in the last couple of weeks, the book is fresh in my mind but I’ve probably still missed stuff

Also last week was so intense and seeing the “previously on” section made me remember just how intense that was, so it’s a hard job to top that!

ANGELS AHH RIGHT AWAY IM GEEKING OUT

“The last time they were seen was to make war” - IT’S HAPPENING ASDFGHJKL

Ruta going off to see Asriel and me just remembering what exactly went down between them while she was there with him... heh

So Will’s hand looks AWFUL oh my god poor Will 😭

Pan is REALLY into his Red PAN-da form oh my goodness

So the other kids out for revenge terrified the living SHIT out of me, dear god I don’t think it could be any creepier than dozens of them appearing out of the shadows like that, like it’s genuinely terrifying

Serafina just dropped right in to rescue them and I was both relieved and a little disappointed? Because in the book the whole chase sequence is so much longer and more important, like it takes up most of an entire chapter I think, and here it’s like two minutes?

Serafina: What does this edge cut? // Lyra: Everything (Will at the same time: Nothing.) - 😂

I missed Lee and Jopari tbh so yay to seeing them once more! And they’ve crossed into the next world!

Oh hi again Mary!

^ I wasn’t expecting to see Mary again this series because in TSK book, her last appearance is going through the window (which was last episode), so I’m a little curious as to whether we’re going to get a TINY little peek into The Amber Spyglass here (it’s been years since I reread it, I apologize). Because last series they did a bit of TSK (namely introducing Will + him crossing into Cittagazze), so it would be interesting!

“Good, something I can understand for a change” - LOL Same

Serafina wants to take Lyra back to her world?? Really??

Not gonna lie, the two girls spying on Mary was kind of low-key creepy

Lyra mentioning that she crossed worlds to find out about Dust and mentioning Roger 😭

Also I’m so emotional over just how much she wants Will to be safe, like she would really do anything to keep him safe and I love it

Lyra asking the Alethiometer where Will’s dad is and “he’s in this world” - ahhh it’s going to happen!

Also I really hope that the BBC/whoever decides to sell replica Alethiometers because the design is so beautiful?! I would fork out serious dough for one, and it would go nicely with the one I have from the film

No but seriously, words don’t describe just how badly I want a replica

“I wanted to fly so I summoned you here, now I’m flying” - LOL OKAY THEN JOHN

Ooh damn, that outfit Marisa is wearing is FINE. I’m slightly gayer than I was before, ngl

I was like “nooo Mary don’t be nice to these kids, they’re awful”

But it’s very sweet that she offers them food?? Like she pulls a chocolate bar out and is like “it’s no good for you, it’s full of sugar”... I love her

The way that Mary was so happy and excited when they mentioned Lyra, only to tell the girls off for trying to kill her - more of a mum than Mrs Coulter tbh

“Miss, can I have a hug?” - AWWW OMG WHY AM I SAD

They asked Mary to stay and look after them omg 😭😭😭

“Come with me, I’ll bring you to your adults” - ooh okay this could go any number of ways... Either she actually reunites them with their families and all’s well, or she takes them up there and their parents/adults are all dead (for lack of a better word)? Or the Spectres attack after Mary leaves them with the adults??

Jopari talking about meeting his dæmon and also a little bit about trying to get back to his family :(

“Can you magic us up a fire?” “One moment” *presents a box of matches” - LMFAO

Wait did Serafina seriously just imply that she thought Will might hurt Lyra?!?

Serafina saying that if protecting Lyra means protecting Will as well... Yes, protect Will please! Protect BOTH of these children, I literally BEG you, they’ve gone through far too much

Ooh okay so the witch ritual/spell was kind of cool to see!

Lyra saying “please tell me he’ll be alright” 😭♥️

The fact that Lyra curled up close to Will and then Pan (in ermine form) curled up CLOSER to Will is so cute, they both love Will so much

Pan: “We feel safe her... don’t we?” / OOF OKAY THIS IS F I N E

I already know what Lyra’s “other name” is because I read the book but the hints are anything BUT subtle tbh. “Mother of us all, cause of all sin, tempted by the serpent”... I’m not even that religious but I think it’s pretty obvious.

Also, if Mary is playing the part of the “serpent” within Lyra’s destiny, does that mean that Mary has tempted Lyra? Or that she will?

Boreal being nervous about being in the city and Marisa is just so unimpressed by him... Mood

That smirk she had when going up to that Spectre victim was so chilling, we have to stan Ruth Wilson and her incredible acting

Also, fun fact, Ruth Wilson went to my sixth form college and is from Surrey (like me), and she grew up in Shepperton, which is where my Nan used to live when she was alive (my uncle and aunt live there still), so that’s super exciting!

“We could learn from this” - PLEASE DO NOT MA’AM

God I hate the Magisterium so fucking much, the patriarchy is so strong with them

Oh great, now they’re gunning to kill Lyra :/

Also, off topic, I’ve only just connected that Will Keen, who plays Father MacPhail, is Dafne Keen’s dad?!?

“She’s lost a lot for one so young” - AND SHE’S STILL GOING TO LOSE PEOPLE, WHY IS THIS FAIR PHILIP PULLMAN 😭

“She must be protected” - AGAIN, they BOTH need protecting PLEASE

The Spectre noises reminded me of the noises of the Smoke Monster from LOST, so that’s definitely trippy for me

Thanks, I hate it

I nearly shouted “WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING” out loud in front of both my parents, I seriously thought she had a damn death wish

I have never been so damn tense in my entire life as I am watching this show - and I KNOW what happens

HOW DID SHE DO THAT WITH THE SPECTRES SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN

Lee’s so worried about Lyra - 11/10, Father of the Year

The Magisterium airships... NO. FUCK. WE’RE AT THAT POINT ALREADY AND IM NOT OKAY BECAUSE I KNOW HOW AND WHERE THIS ENDS AND I HATE IT

I deadass thought Marisa and Carlo were about to kiss when he ran up to her and I actually said out loud “NO please don’t”

Look I must just be so dirty minded but when she said “let’s celebrate”, my immediate reaction was “NO NO NO NO EW EW EW NO” and “I hope she just means having a drink and not doing the frickety-frack”

I was so close to tearing up as Will was talking about his mum, her illness, and the boys who were mean to her because of it. His love for his mum is so beautifully written and the way Amir Wilson is playing Will is so wonderful

I was also close to tears when he was talking about his dad and how he used to imagine about his dad, so maybe I’m just emotional anyway

“Could go to school... have friends” - okay yeah no I’m definitely crying 😭

“I couldn’t trust anyone.” “Until you met me.” “Yeah.” - EXCUSE ME ♥️😭 my HEART

I love one (1) soft boy, and one (1) feral girl and her dæmon

The relief I felt when I saw Marisa and Carlo were literally just having drinks 😅

“They consume what makes us human, so I just suppressed that and hid it” + *cut to the monkey looking kinda sad/uncomfortable* - Umm fUCK OKAY THEN

Why am I feeling sorry for the monkey?!?

“You think we’re equal?” - LMFAO RIGHT

EWW THEY KISSED. No, just... nO

When I saw his snake dæmon moving towards her monkey, I thought one of two things was about to happen: 1) the monkey was going to pet and paw and the snake as Marisa seduced Boreal, or 3) the monkey was going to strange the snake and kill Boreal

OKAY THIS TOOK A SHARP BUT NOT UNWELCOMED TURN

“You’ve NEVER been my equal.” “You’d only hold me back.” - OH MY GOD YES THE SHADE

She’s not wrong though let’s be honest here

So she poisoned him I’m assuming? She poisoned his drink because the monkey didn’t actually touch the snake... damn.

Her just sitting there and continuing to drink with his dead body there is... damn.

“Into that valley” NO NO, please no

Jopari really just summoned a whole damn storm huh

Also the fact he fully trusts in Lee’s abilities to land them safely :3

Lee: “Can we trust him?” // Hester: “Do we have another choice?!!” - LMFAO I love them so much

THE WAY I NEARLY SCREAMED WHEN THAT WITCH GOT ATTACKED BY A SPECTRE OMFG AT LEAST WILL WAS THERE TO SAVE HER

Okay but did Marisa REALLY sit there for HOURS with Boreal’s corpse sitting opposite her?!?

Her burning her hand on the flame in front of the monkey, and the monkey clearly whimpering and in pain was so agonizing to watch, I can’t take this show

Also, you have to wonder just how many times she’s harmed herself (and him) for her to keep doing it with next to no problems (like separating from each other all the time)

I was so excited to see the birds attacking the zeppelins, like it was one of my favourite details in the book, and I worried that they wouldn’t have the budget for it but yay!

I do kind of wish that we’d had Sayan Kötor as the “eagle Queen” leading them though - she probably was but I wish we’d actually seen it or heard Jopari say it or whatever

THEY SHOT THE GAS CANNISTER OH SHIT THEY’RE GOING DOWN HARD AND FAST IN THAT BALLOON

HOLD ON BBC YOU CANNOT END THIS THERE?!? EXCUSE ME?!

The last episode is next week and on an hour earlier, so that’s exciting! I have no idea what I’ll do once this series ends, or when we’ll even get the third and final series because of COVID and filming delays, but I’m excited for it nonetheless and hoping it’s next November/December or something!

#his dark materials #hdm #lyra belacqua #lyra silvertongue #marisa coulter #mrs coulter #will parry #serafina pekkala #ruth wilson #dafne keen #amir wilson #pantalaimon #john parry #lee scoresby #hester

[vixenpen]

Caged Hearts

Pt.25 Hawks x Dabi

((Hawks x Miku ((OC))

(GIF by: @dendriticheep)

(Yo I’mma be completely honest, Dabi’s motivation for fucking up Keigo’s life is mad petty and the side story is flimsy as hell, 😂)

Miku was in Tokyo shooting a promotional photoshoot for her tour. She was excited to get started on what would be the first major milestone of her career, and couldn’t wait for her tour.

Of course she hadn’t told Keigo any of this. No, he was stuck getting his updates from Twitter stalking and her online interviews.

After a week of tracking leads all over Fukouka, Keigo still hadn’t heard from her. He was on his one hundredth unanswered call, and thirtieth unanswered text. And if he was being honest? He deserved it.

There was a pained tug in his chest when he saw the candid shot of her smiling and waving to the camera as she entered a rehearsal space. Most of her face was obscured by a huge pair of sunglasses and her hair was tied up in a silk scarf, but she looked good.

He exited the article to tap on her contact.

Keigo: Angel I hope ur staying safe. Can we please talk?

Before he could add any more, his feathers prickled from the sudden movement happening in the warehouse. His golden eyes lifted towards the old building. They were moving something. Something big.

He squinted against the moonlight to watch the five men hustling large crates out the back of the warehouse.

His deep red wings stretched and carried him swiftly and quietly from the adjacent building to the top of the warehouse to get a better look. He shot off a few of his feathers and smirked with satisfaction at when he heard the henchmen’s bodies thudding against the walls. His sharp feathers pinned three of the goons to the wall of the warehouse, but the other two guys were fighting hard against him.

He winced as he felt the heat of their fire quirks shooting back at them. Keigo detached a few more to give the other feathers back up.

The moment he pinned the last two minions, the air around him changed. His wings twitched against the cool breeze as he scanned the ground. The men were all down for the count.

That was quick.

“You gotta get some better henchmen, Dabi.”

“Well, good help is hard to come by now a days, Birdie.”

The familiar raspy voice made him shiver. He turned around, stone faced.

Aside from the undercut and new facial piercings nothing had changed about his ex. He was the same brooding, alternative asshole he’d always been. Difference was, Keigo didn’t find it attractive anymore.

Dabi smirked at the hero.

“Miss me, babe?” He teased.

“Bold of you to face me like this, you son of a bitch.”

Dabi clicked his tongue and stepped closer to Keigo whose wings flexed out defensively.

He scoffed. “You and that girl of yours really are birds of a feather. She did the same thing when I stepped to her. So flighty you avian types. How’s she doin’ by the way? Heard she’s having a concert pretty soon-“

“What are you trying to do, Dabi?” Keigo interrupted, ignoring the man’s attempts to get under his skin.

“The usual, Hawks,” he spat back, “trying to take down this fucked up hero system that you seem so determined to keep intact.”

Keigo didn’t know why Dabi was blabbering so much. Usually he did it to prepare his body for an attack so as not to over exert his powerful quirk—but he wasn’t trying to attack.

“And how do you think you’ll do that?” Keigo shot back. “You don’t have the power or the vision that Shigaraki had, and you damn sure don’t have the numbers.” He scoffed. “Your henchmen are pathetic, those little nomu experiments are weak—face it, Dabi, you’ve got nothing. You’re fighting a useless battle.”

Dabi’s smirk melted into a smile. It was intimate and soft and...familiar. It took Keigo back to late nights spent laughing and rolling around in warm, tattered sheets. Secrets and insecurities being shared behind closed doors.

“It’s cute when you do that.” Dabi practically cooed.

The avian squinted his golden eyes, but said nothing.

Dabi was so close to him now that only an arm’s length separated them. The villain reached out to grab Keigo’s chin. His touch was so gentle it took the man by surprise.

“You can’t change a system from within a system. That’s why I’m on your side, Touya.”

Keigo’s breath caught hearing those words. One of the many empty promises he had made to the man he used to love.

“But you lied, Keigo...you lied.” He shook his head, slowly, his turquoise eyes piercing right through the man. “And I feel bad for that girlfriend of yours. She doesn’t know half of what kind of man you really are.”

The hero remained stoic, despite the pang in his chest. He knocked Dabi’s hand away from his face, grabbing the man’s wrist and twisting it sharply.

Dabi’s unblemished skin pulled from his burned flesh at the force. The blood from his staples ran down Keigo’s gloved hand.

“What makes you think I won’t take you out right now?” Keigo ground out.

Just like that, the twisted smirk was back. “Because hero, you’re going to be a little distracted.”

Keigo’s brows furrowed, and before he could grasp the meaning behind Dabi’s words, the first explosion went off.

At that moment, Dabi’s quirk activated sending a fiery blast at Keigo’s face.

The heat was unbearable.

Fuck!

He stumbled back, disoriented.

“Well, babe, it was good seeing you again.” Dabi jeered as he walked backwards towards the edge of the building. “Bye for now.”

With that, he jumped backwards, leaving Keigo alone to deal with several burning buildings and a horde of winged dog beasts flying towards him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A pair of disdainful magenta eyes glared back at him. The curvy Latina glared at him, arms crossed.

“You look like shit.”

“I feel like it.” He replied, scratching his tangled blonde locks.

Konan appraised him a few seconds longer. It felt like minutes. Keigo averted her scrutinizing gaze. She tilted her head over her shoulder.

“Miku! Bird Brain’s here!”

She stepped out of the way to make way for Miku. Keigo felt her coming. Her heart pounded as she flew down the stairs. His own heartbeat sped up as well.

Finally, Miku stood before him wide eyed and disheveled as she looked him over.

“Keigo...”

He gave her a soft, rueful smile.

“Hey Angel.”

She reached towards his bandaged face tentatively then stopped, as if thinking better of it and dropped her hand to her side.

Keigo flashed her a cheeky grin.

“It feels worse than it looks. Trust me.”

She bit her lip, brows still scrunched in worry.

He sighed, shoulders drooping on the exhale. “I owe you one hell of an apology and an explanation.”

“Roof?” She asked.

“Roof.” He nodded.

The couple sat side by side, legs swinging over the edge. The weight of his Keigo’s confession about his sordid past and relationship with Dabi was wedged between them.

“There was no good reason for me not to tell you about Dabi. Especially knowing he was still out there, and that he could hurt you. I was ashamed. I’m a hero. I was supposed to know better than to fall for a villain. I’m the reason he’s still free. When we made the bust, I gave Dabi a way out. Like an idiot.”

“Like a fool in love.” Miku corrected. “Love makes people do stupid things, Kei. I’ll give you that, but-“

“But it’s not an excuse.” He shook his head, glaring down at the driveway below. “I indirectly put you in danger by lying to you. Knowing what I knew I had no right to get mad at you about you and Konan’s relationship-“

“Not necessarily true.” Miku turned to him. “You were right to be upset with me,” then her tone grew stern, “but you were also an absolute hypocrite...and an asshole.”

Keigo flinched, but nodded in agreement. “You’re right.”

“But, I am glad you’re honest to me now.” She added. He heard a smile in her voice. It was small, but it was there.

“Yeah,” he allowed a smile to creep through in his own. “I am too.”

Silence settled between them. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t comfortable either. Sort of like the conversation.

“Miku,” Keigo started, she turned to him. “Is there any way you can postpone your tour?”

“No.”

He winced again.

“Baby, this isn’t a game.” Keigo pressed on. “You saw what happened in Fukuoka.”

The chaos of the fires and Dabi’s discount Nomu burned in the back of Keigo’s mind. By the time backup had arrived, his wings were whittled away to nothing trying to handle the situation, and the warehouses were crumbling beneath the blue flames. Keigo’s burns tingled at the memory.

“Dabi is dangerous, and he doesn’t fight fair.” He laid a hand on top of hers. It was the first contact they had made since he’d arrived. “Miku,” his voice cracked under the weight of his nerves, “Dabi would do anything to hurt me, and that includes hurt you. You need to be careful.”

She didn’t meet his gaze. Her eyes were zeroed in on his hand on top of hers, face screwed in contemplation.

“I’ll be more careful, but I refuse to put off my tour.”

He shook his head. “You’re being stubborn, Angel.”

“I’m not gonna live my life in a cage, Kei,“ she replied, clutching his hand in return. “I have a job to do and I’m gonna do it.”

“Angel...” he admonished. He softened his tone. “Please.”

Miku rolled her eyes.

She sighed, sounding like an indignant teenager. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll beef up my security whenever I go out.”

Keigo chuckled in defeat. “That’s the best I’m gonna get out of you, isn’t it?”

“Yup!” She exclaimed.

“Dammit Angel.” Keigo fought off the smile threatening to ruin the disapproval he was trying to project. “Fine. I’ll take it.”

He plucked another feather from his plumage and handed it to her. “For backup. Please keep them on you at all times, and if anything happens—“

“Break them,” Miku interjected. “I know, Kei, I got it.”

He allowed his face to soften some.

“I miss you, Angel.” He confessed.

Her expression fell.

“I miss you too, Kei, but I’m still not-“

“It’s ok.” He cut in, gently. “You don’t have to forgive me.”

Miku’s gaze fell back down to their intertwined fingers.

“Just...give me time—and space. Ok?”

He nodded. His fingers danced beneath her chin. Keigo tilted her face up to meet his, and managed a smile.

“Deal.”

(Miku is stubborn😝 but I love her)

#my ocs #bnha imagines #my hero academia #bnha #bnha scenarios #hawks x oc #dabi x hawks #back story #toxic relationship #my hero fanfic #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #otp fics #bnha smut #hotwings #black ocs #i love her so muuuuuch

[pinkhairedlily]

i'll be with you (but it'll be a different kind)

pairing: yoonkook/yoonjin | rating: G | ao3 read here

a short study on moving on

Yoongi broke the vinyl like he would a plate, a quaint awareness of a disaster but the quick denial of letting it fall – on the floor, in pieces. He swept each shard, vacuumed, and threw them in the bin. He crushed his music sheets and notes, thought better of it, and lit them with a scented candle.

Well, for fuck’s sake, the candle was his gift too.

So Yoongi walked to the collection area at three thirty in the morning, against the gusts of cold November wind, carrying all the evidence of the killer and the remains of its victim. He stood in front of the stack with an impulse to do something. Say a prayer? Curse them? Curse himself and bring them back to his apartment?

Ah, he wasn’t that stupid.

He truly wasn’t.

His stupidity was drained when he decided to fall in love with his roommate and friend that couldn’t be his in this lifetime.

So he came back to his home rid of everything Kim Seokjin owned and touched. Yes, even the bedsheets he washed yesterday.

“The couch it is.” He plopped down to its uncomfortable mattress and was immediately lulled not by the comfort of sleep but by the escape it offered.

He lost track of time in the next days… or probably weeks because the next time he went out for a walk to the mart, he was greeted by imposing Christmas decorations and too tall synthetic trees that wouldn’t look good in apartments that only housed one.

He came back, still alone, but at least joined now with ingredients for proper homemade food. He won’t be lonely on Christmas, not with two bottles of wine, a variety of seafood (which Namjoon hated the most, and Yoongi would order in the largest serving just to spite him), and his good old comfy socks.

He switched on the television to watch Melancholia, a fitting holiday movie in his honest opinion, and turned it up to the highest volume to tune out the looping Christmas carols outside his window and across the hallway where other occupants have rooms over to tide away the lonesome.

It was two thirty and two disaster films later that he heard the ghost of his broken heart.

It was one of the songs he wrote for Jin, the notes not at all the same, but the melody line was correctly embodied. He started up from his drunken stupor on the floor and trudged towards his kitchen sink where he dabbled his face in water.

It wasn’t the alcohol. So it certainly must be the crazy in him… well, until he realized the notes were coming from next door. The walls were thin anyway.

He nonchalantly knocked on the door of his neighbor, not caring at all if it was the devil’s hour, not when the tenant itself did not care about public disturbance.

It opened a crack wide enough for Yoongi to sweep the whole place up in seconds. Tidy floor, unmade bed, three monitors on a desk, neon lights, a christmas tree unabashedly decorated with the most frivolous pieces beside the dining table, and a guitar on top of it.

“Did I wake you?” He was taller than Yoongi, buffer, and very decorated like his Christmas tree. Daith, lobe, and eyebrow piercings, sleeve tattoos on his right arm, and shoulder-length electric blue hair tied in half-ponytail. But what caught his attention the most was the doe eyes that seemed too innocent, but Yoongi was familiar with the pretension that hovered on the surface. This boy knew pain enough to effectively cover it.

“That was my song,” Yoongi said in his usual deadpan delivery. He couldn’t get any cheerier than this.

John Doe perked up (if it could be any more possible). “Ah so you’re the one!” Then his expression immediately shifted to wariness. “Oh wait, you might be offended. I should apologize – “

“Some notes were mismatched, yes. Couldn’t be helped when you learned it by ear.” Yoongi looked at him for confirmation, and John Doe nodded enthusiastically. “But it’s all right. You played the piece so beautifully for someone who did not know it was a love letter.”

The way John Doe changed his smile to a thin line Yoongi knew at once that this was a person who simultaneously wore their heart on a sleeve but chained it before it could truly fall.

“Is it safe to assume the letter’s non-reciprocation when you haven’t played those songs for a month?”

“What else could there be?”

The neighbor bit the inside of his cheeks before answering, “Maybe you just didn’t need love letters anymore?”

Yoongi sighed. “Just keep it down. It’s three in the morning.”

“But it’s Christmas?” John Doe’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh my manners! Merry Christmas Sir!”

“I don’t believe in Santa Claus. Or Jesus. Or capitalist splurges.” Yoongi shoved his hands into his sweatpants. “I have marinara surplus. Do you want a plate?”

-----------------

When New Year rolled again, Yoongi knocked on his neighbor’s door. He slept with headphones in full volume, god be damned his hearing, on newly bought bedsheets that did not smell of Jin and pillows that did not have a strand of his hair. He really couldn’t turn down John Doe’s question of whether he could still play the cursed song or maybe he was two-bottles-of-wine-disoriented enough to put up a rather good argument why he shouldn’t.

“So will you cover your ears when you go to sleep?” John Doe asked after his second slurping of seafood marinara.

“Why should I?” Meanwhile, Yoongi surfed Netflix for his disaster anxiety fix.

“Try Seeking a Friend for the End of the World.” John Doe finished his plate clean. He let out a burp with an apologetic smile to his temporary Christmas host. “Well, I was wondering if I could still play the song. It’s yours anyway so you have all the rights.”

Yoongi’s eyes glazed over the first few seconds of the film, slightly amused at the insurance agent selling an apocalyptic package. “When music is released to the public, it never becomes the composer’s alone. It is also owned by the listener…and whatever they deem the music to be.”

“I’m Jeon Jungkook.”

“I just let you eat my food.”

“I’ll be your friend for the end of the world.”

A beat. “Fine. Min Yoongi.”

But it was a week of listening to ragged notes and misplaced sharps, and his (still) perfectionist ass wanted to right it.

“It’s open,” Jungkook yelled from what Yoongi presumed was his computer chair.

He sauntered inside with measured caution and watched his neighbor tick away in codes on three different screens. Yoongi silently slid the music sheets on a small free space on Jungkook’s desk.

“Software developer?”

“Not really. I’m a solutions specialist, the yes-boy,” Jungkook replied with a smug grin. He hit enter and the lines start to jumble together as he swiveled to face Yoongi. “You re-wrote your notes. You must be a producer or something.”

Yoongi clucks. “Close. A film composer.”

“Do you go to Hollywood?”

“I’m not made for performative limelight. The shadows are bright enough.”

“Cool. I want to make a film someday.”

“You have a day job.”

“Can’t a man have two dreams?”

“Touche. One can never have too many.”

“What’s yours then, Yoongi?”

“Just one but it won’t be mine.”

-----------------

March. Spring coming alive, and for the first time in months, Yoongi genuinely thought he was getting better and over him. Jeon Doe (maybe he’ll always call him this) was a light companion – not imposing, a bit fluttery, but steady in his essence. Perhaps it was the continuous wonder that ebb in his eyes or the utterly soft disregard of pain for something nonchalant.

On the eve of March 1st, he stroked again the keys of his piano, and Jungkook came into his unit and accompanied him with a guitar. It was an improvisation of chaotic notes in Yoongi’s head and by magic, Jungkook floated with that tornado. The contrast and the blend gave way to an unlikely partnership of melody and rhythm.

And on March 1st, Yoongi felt butterflies again when Jungkook joined him on the bench and giddily watched his fingers dance on white and black.

But on the second day of the month, the butterflies were replaced with quicksand.

Kim Seokjin called and wanted to meet. It was funny how in a moment of hesitancy, it was his heart who doubled and his feet that led. Their favorite bar, whiskey on the rocks for Jin, dry scotch for him, and an expanse of silence of between them.

“He’s too busy with production at the moment.” Jin downed his drink in one gulp. Yoongi didn’t even need to ask.

And I’m the only one who’s available. “At the moment is how many months?”

“For three months now.”

“You should break up.” An unsolicited advice Yoongi gave more than twice with not much success.

“If I was a music company, maybe he would do me,” Jin jested, holding the empty glass in his hand. “Should I buy one?”

“Buy his affections as well and monopolize them.” It was a banter Jin was used too and maybe by now, he should have known that Yoongi hid half-truths in them.

“They’re too intense for me alone. He’s always destined for the world.”

What could Yoongi do but surrender at the unspoken request of comfort. “There’s someone who treats you like you’re his whole world.”

“I wish I did too.”

Yoongi never had a sip of his scotch, but Jin’s languid kiss was enough to get drunk on. He lost the flutter and the lightness, and dove headfirst in heavy, steely waters. Yoongi missed the suffocating pressure and the sensation of bursting at the seams. If his heart would burst at this moment, it would shatter a hundred times more for the many touches and whispers to follow. He would gladly die in this misshapen illusion.

-----------------

“Your door was always locked,” Jungkook greeted a month after, carrying a big tub of fermented kimchi. “My dad dropped by to give me spares.”

Two weeks before this, Jin left in a hurry to go to the airport, saying Namjoon had been in an accident, and two weeks after, Yoongi never heard back from him.

He accepted the side dish from his neighbor, but nothing went past Jungkook. Realization was plain in his face, but he chose not to comment on it.

“Yoongi.”

“Hmm.” It was danger meeting Jungkook’s eyes so Yoongi kept his downcast.

“I told you before.”

“What?”

“That I’ll be your friend for the end of the world.”

Yoongi didn’t respond, and Jungkook took the cue to leave.

He repeated that same line later that night when he heard Yoongi trash his place, his bare arm catching the brunt of a baseball bat just before it landed on the piano keys.

“Why would you go so far?” Yoongi sneered, anger seeping through his controlled demeanor.

“Why would you go so far?” Jungkook cradled his arm like he cradled his pain. Like it was nothing. “It’s the end of the world.”

“I need a friend.”

-----------------

It was easier being with Jungkook – lighter, happier, with no care in the world. He was also honest in a straightforward, unassuming, and endearing way especially when those doe eyes of his were used to an advantage.

When he told Yoongi in the middle of Battle Royale, out of the blue, with no precedence whatsoever that “I don’t want to be just your friend”, it knocked the air out of the latter. And when Jungkook followed it with “You can use me, however you want”, Yoongi knew he had to get things sorted.

Lest he wants Jungkook trapped inside the vortex of unresolved feelings.

So Yoongi didn’t give him a tangible response. He just skidded closer to him on the couch and Jeon Doe took the cue to lay his head on the crook of his neck as another student was slashed to their death on the screen.

When credits rolled in, Yoongi dipped his head and found Jungkook already waiting with bated breath.

-----------------

“Ah, you found me.”

Jin was back in his penthouse in Seoul, alone with no Namjoon in tow.

“Am I a week early?” Yoongi asked.

“I just got in today.” True enough, unopened suitcases littered his living room. Too many suitcases for a vacation. “I’m relocating back. Is there such a thing?”

Yoongi went to one luggage and punched in the password Jin used when Namjoon and him got together, it did not open, so he tried another combination. Ah, only his birthdate. Yoongi packed the first of his clothes to cabinets he was all too familiar with. He went on with this rudimentary task with Jin at the kitchen, cooking up something for the two of them.

In a parallel universe, Yoongi would have been happily contented with this.

Tidied up, folded, and free, the two went through a simple steak and pasta dinner.

“We broke up.” He twirled his fork endlessly. “It hit me when I saw him go to an award show. I could never keep up with him, Yoongi, not when I’m taking a backseat while his dreams sit in the front.”

“Don’t be silly.”

Jin stared at him like he was betrayed.

“Don’t be silly,” Yoongi repeated, drawling each word. “Namjoon and his goals sit in another sports car while you drive a rundown secondhand.”

That made Jin laugh. “You’re merciless.” And then he grimaced. “I never felt this neglected. It was never this way when I was with you.”

“We’ve never had anything, Jin. You didn’t let me have anything,” Yoongi finished clean his pasta. He folded his napkin like a good guest and waited for Jin’s retort.

But he just sighed, defeated. “I destroyed what good we had. I’m afraid I also lost the friendship.”

“You know I can’t go back again to you.” Yoongi didn’t know if he threw a question or a statement.

“I saw it the instant you came through that door.” Jin put down his fork and trained his eyes on his best friend. “Happiness looks good on you.”

“You would have known already if you had just looked at me.”

Jin gave him a sad smile. “And it would have been the best sight had I tried harder.” He picked up again his fork, his lips pursed, his eyes brimming with tears. It was a foreign scene, Jin coming undone in front of him, not because of Namjoon, because of him. “So who is this guy?”

“I call him Jeon Doe.”

Jin kept brushing the side of his eyes while he twirled strands of noodles in his fork. When he opened his mouth to eat, tears brushed down his cheeks, breaking in rivulets as he chewed. “That’s a stupid name.”

Yoongi noticed the upwelling – the comeuppance of what was lost trying to mask itself as the crescent emotions. He knew it when Jungkook kissed him back that night, that he could never go back to this uncertainty. “And stupidly in love with me too.”

Jin continued to chew with salty tears. “I’m sorry, Yoongi.”

His hands clenched at the name that left his lips. “I got tired of being your placeholder. You couldn’t just leave and expect me to stay in one place. I also crack every time you touch me, and I shatter every time you go. I broke, Jin. I got torn apart, and I wasn’t sure whether I could still handle your overspilling love for someone else when I couldn’t even hold any for me.” Yoongi’s fingers stretched to touch the dam that escaped his friend’s eyes. “You must understand.”

“I’m sorry, Yoongi,” Jin repeated. “And I understand it. I get it now. I see it. It’s just overwhelming – this mountain of regrets and what-ifs and utter disregard I made for my own happiness.”

“I got in the crossfire.”

“A victim willing.”

“But not anymore.”

Jin shook his head. “No, not anymore.” He intertwined his fingers with Yoongi. “I hope it works out for you and Jeon Doe.”

Not a minute longer, Yoongi pulled away from Jin’s touch. “I hope you heal.”

-----------------

Jin saw them on the same piano bench, playing a duet in the middle of a wedding reception, hands flying about, touches fleeting but enthralling, releasing captivating, fluttery sounds – almost akin to freedom.

He was seeing now in full high-definition panorama the gravity of his consequences. He let go of his two great loves, one he loved with no fail, the other he took to fail.

And so he welcomed the splendor of pain. He had two great loves, and regardless of how they ended, they deserved a thorough journey of grief. He could only hope that at the end of it was what he saw in Yoongi.

Freedom.

#yoonkook #yoonjin #bts fanfic #bts fic #min yoongi #jeon jungkook #kim seokjin #mention of namjin #fic!pseudolily #fic!pinkhairedlily

[easily-infatuated23]

Undercover- Part Three (Healer!Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Prologue, Part One, Part Two , Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

a/n: ok i kinda love where this is going and i’ve decided that the Reader is a spy lol comment if you would like to be added on the tag list for this series! also sorry if this is a cliff hanger 

pairing: Healer! Draco x Spy! (?) Reader

word count: 2.1k

warning: mentions of trauma and death

summary: During her stay at Malfoy Manor, Reader finds some evidence that will help figure out who had been ordering the killings of muggle-born witches and wizards but will Draco trust her?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This assignment had really taken a strange turn. Not only had I been imbedded with Death Eaters, but I had been stabbed and was now hiding in Malfoy Manor. Draco was much kinder and happier than the last time I saw him. Of course, I had heard the stories of this newer and better Draco, but witnessing it first hand was something else. No matter how many times I told him I had to leave to keep him safe, he would just assure me that the protective charms he placed around the house would keep us safe. I remained on edge. After all, safety is a matter of perspective. I had a feeling part of the reason he was against me leaving was not just for my safety, but I suspected he was glad to have the company. It truly was a large house. A large and empty house for just one person. With his father in Azkaban and his mother taking a much needed vacation abroad, he was the most alone he had probably ever been…physically that is. After my slip up in revealing the name of the organization after me, I tried to speak about the subject as little as I could. All I wanted was to be relieved of the burden I was carrying but, I knew if I did, Draco Malfoy would surely be killed. So, I continued to bear the burden of knowledge as Draco began healing me again.

Draco had lead me to his kitchen and motioned for me to hop up on to the counter. He had attempted to assist me but I was stubborn and struggled through the process myself. He opened his medical bag and pulled out a needle and suture thread. He rolled up his sleeves as he went to wipe some disinfectant on my side before turning to thread the needle “How did you figure out who I was?” I asked my Healer on the second day of my stay. “Well, the appearance change was pretty hard to see through but once those Death Eaters said your name at St. Mungo’s I remembered you”. “Remembered me?” I questioned. “I don’t think we spoke once while at Hogwarts and I have been off the grid pretty much since I finished there. Ouch! That hurts.” I said, wincing as he tended to my side. “Stop fussing, it’s only a few stitches. And if you hadn’t apparated I wouldn’t have to give you stitches you know” he replied, slightly laughing at my inability to stand the pain, especially after I had refused to let him use a pain relieving potion on me. I was worried I’d say something I would regret later. Whether I was worried about spilling something about my assignment or something else was still up for debate.

“You are avoiding my question” I said matter-a-factly. He sighed. “You knew me back then, I always noticed the pretty girls” he said with a slight blush. “That’s just a cop out answer, I don’t believe you” I replied, not making eye contact so that he couldn’t see the slight smile on my face. He shrugged his shoulders and stood up. “Believe what you’d like”.

He walked over to the sink and washed his hands. I jumped off the counter. “Fucking hell” I muttered. He laughed again. “You should take it easy for at least two weeks” he said. I groaned but then, remembered something. My heart sank a little as I remembered where I was and the history of this house. “Hey look I am gonna ask you a question that’s gonna make you really uncomfortable so I apologize in advance. And, please know I am only asking because I feel like I have to.” He turned to face me, a worried look washed over his face. “Do you have a record of all You-Know-Who’s followers? There were rumors about a book. I know he used this place as a headquarters during the second war and I am desperate for any lead on…..well a lead” I said, holding in my reasons. He grimaced slightly. “Unfortunately for me, yes but I guess that’s fortunate for you” he replied harshly. I felt guilty for bringing up the awful things in his past like this but I truly felt I had no choice. And besides, if this caused him to feel some apprehension towards me that might be beneficial in stopping his relentless questions.

He walked past me and began down a long hallway. I followed close behind him. He took a sharp left turn and continued down a spiral staircase that seemed as if it went on for ages. As he lead me down, neither of us spoke a word. When we finally reached the bottom, it felt like an entirely different place. This couldn’t possibly be the basement of the surprisingly homey manor I had just been inside. Could it? As we exited the staircase, we stood facing a large green door. The green paint on the door was faded, as if the door was centuries old but there was a large golden key hole shining on the front, underneath an equally shining golden door knob. The two looked as if they’d been installed recently.

“Mother and I tried to destroy it but nothing we did worked. There is some serious dark magic in this book. We locked it down here to make sure it wouldn’t fall into the wrong hands.” He turned towards me, his face only inches from mine. If he hadn’t done this in such a menacing way, I might have swooned a little but now was not the right time for that. “I hope I am not putting it in the wrong hands now” he said. I shook my head. It had just occurred to me, there was a possibility that he didn’t believe my story. I knew it was true and the thugs after me were good evidence in my favor, but it all could have been a plant. Thats why he was asking so many questions. Maybe I would have to tell him after all. He turned back around to face the door. He reached into his shirt and pulled out a small golden key on a string. Had he been wearing the necklace the whole time? I wondered why I hadn’t noticed. He took off the necklace and put the key into the hole. He took a deep breath and unlocked the door.

Once the door opened he stepped aside, allowing me to look inside the small room that had been revealed. The inside was dark and gave off a feeling of uncertainty and slight panic. There were only two things residing in the small room; a podium and a large black leather bound book. I started to walk in when Draco put his arm across the entrance and stopped me. “Prepare yourself. Once you go in and open it, you will never feel the same again. The book can have an effect almost like a Dementor” he said. “What exactly is the book?” I asked. “The Binding of the Death Eaters” he said with a shiver. “Before someone could receive the Dark Mark and be fully inducted as a Death Eater, they would have to sign their name. It binds your fate to the Dark Lord” he said. The way he stared at the book could only be described as a raging and powerful fury. I knew that Draco Malfoy had been a Death Eater but I had no idea that even after the Dark Lord had been killed, he still had so much power of Draco’s life. “I am really sorry” I began. “I know that sorry means nothing especially since I have forced you to come down here but I truly am. I’m also sorry that you never got to chose not to sign.” He looked at me. The fury was still spinning in his eyes but with every moment it lessened. He said nothing but simply nodded. I entered the room and, with a deep breath, opened the book. I titled my head to one side and turned to Draco. “It’s blank” I said. He looked almost relieved. “The names are only revealed to someone who has the Dark Mark” he said. “So you were testing me and my story” I said. He nodded. He then turned side ways and gestured with his left arm for me to exit the room. “This might freak you out so you might want to leave now” I said, pulling my wand from my jacket pocket. “Obscure Appareat Vestigium” I whispered, pointing my wand at my left forearm. The black skull appeared on my arm and a snake slithered out of its mouth. Draco stepped back with a horrified expression on his face. “It’s not a real Dark Mark and it’s not permanent” I said quickly. “The task force I’m apart of developed this charm for undercover work”. Draco looked me in the eyes, turned, and hurried up the staircase.

Now I’d done it. Just as he was going to fully trust me, I broke his trust. The look he gave me made me feel sick. Just another horrified face to add to the growing list that haunted my nightmares. I sighed deeply then turned my attention back to the book. I flipped through the pages. I saw plenty of names I recognized, all ex-Death Eaters who had wound up in Azkaban or served lighter sentences and some were names of people who were killed in the Battle of Hogwarts. I even saw Draco’s name. His signature was much shakier than most of the other names. He had been so young. The more I looked I realized something was missing. I started to realize an option that I had never considered. It made the sick feeling in my stomach lurch again but before I could fully register the awful feeling, I saw a name I recognized. This was a name I had never seen associated in this way with the Dark Lord. Suddenly, things started to make more sense. My heart was practically beating out of my chest.

I jumped out of the room and shut the door. Draco had left the key hanging on the door knob which I grasped and used to lock the door. That book had just become very important evidence in a trial no one knew was beginning. I spoke the Dark Mark removing incantation and raced back up the spiral stair case. When I got to the top I was out of breath. I turned right and made my way back into the kitchen. Draco was sitting at the kitchen table. He looked dazed and upset. “I can give you an explanation now” I said breathlessly, tossing him the key. He looked up at me suddenly, just barely catching the key. I had clearly startled him. “I know who is behind the Dark Saints and right now you may be the only chance there is that this will all stop.” He stood up. “What are you talking about? Stop what? You being chased?” He was clearly frustrated. “You have every right to be frustrated with me and I promise I will explain everything but first I need to get one more piece of information.” I said. “And what’s that?” he retorted, crossing his arms. “Do you know where I can get the last…let’s say year of Daily Prophet obituary sections?” He looked at me, clearly feeling very puzzled. “I mean…” he started, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “I guess they did start offering a digital option two years ago-” “Perfect!” I said, cutting him off. I raced back up the stairs to his bedroom where I remembered seeing a computer. “Wait! What are you doing?” he called after me.

When I entered his room I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. I sat down at the computer and began furiously scanning through the obituary pages. He entered the room moments after me and stood over my shoulder, curiously watching my frantic scribbles. Once I had finished I slumped back in the chair for a moment. I hadn’t noticed when I started crying but once I did, the tears flowed at a hotter temperature and more quickly down my cheeks than they ever had before. I finally turned to face him. “There’s at least twenty of them” I said, trying to hold my voice steady. “What does that mean?” Draco asked. He understood that I meant twenty people had died but he wanted to know how that was important in my explanation. I slowly stood only to suddenly become so dizzy my balance faltered. “Y/N? Are you ok you’ve gone very pale”. I started to nod but then shook my head then everything went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist!:

@pointlesscoconut @bi-andready-tocry

#healer!draco #draco malfoy x reader #slytherin #draco malfoy fic #harry potter #harry potter au #ravenclaw #gryffindor #hufflepuff #malfoy manor #spy!reader #hogwarts #draco x y/n #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy series

[wayward-mikaelson]

The Run In

Word Count: 4692

Pairing: Misha x Reader 

Characters: Reader, Misha, Diego (OG Character), Xander (OG Character), Divorce Lawyer, Police Receptionist, George (OG Character), Female Officer, and Male Officer

Summary: The Reader gets away from her abusive husband. After bumping into a stranger, the Reader forms a friendship with him which the Readers soon-to-be ex-Husband finds out about. 

Disclaimer: Language, Angst, Fluff, Mentions of Domestic Violence, Mentions of degradation, Blood, Implied Smut

Disclaimer 2: This work of fiction contains Domestic Violence. If you have been a victim of DV please read at your own discretion. If you are in a DV situation please call 1-800-799-7233, of you’re unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you are in an emergency, call 911. There are also DV/IPV programs and shelters in your area who can help you. 

Disclaimer 3: Any of the shorts that are hot and steamy, I want to put out there that it's in no way disrespectful towards Vicki at all. I love her to death and respect that marriage between her and Misha. So when reading those shorts, know that it all takes place in an alternate world where they aren't married at all.

A/N: Sorry this is late. I have been hitting some sort of writing block. I have the words in my head but for some reason I can’t get them out. 

A/N 2: Tag your anyone who loves Misha! 

*18+ Content. Anyone younger than 18 will need to move along. I do not want to risk my account being deleted. 

**Please DO NOT copy and paste my work anywhere WITHOUT my permission and WITHOUT giving me the proper credit. I work way too hard on my work and don’t want it to get stolen.

***This work is also posted on Instagram, Wattpad, and AO3. Go show it some love over there.

****Please follow me on my other accounts Instagram, Wattpad, Twitter, and AO3

*****DMs are CLOSED for REQUESTS. I gotta finish up my other two projects. 

Forever Tags: @donnaintx​ @myinconnelly1​ @magssteenkamp​ @elansaidaris​ @hobby27​ @440mxs-wife​ 

I sit alone in the apartment, huddled on the couch. The fight had been bad this time. I mean, all fights with Diego were bad but, this one in particular had been pretty bad. I look around the trashed apartment and try not to replay the events that took place almost an hour before. The television was busted, a couple chairs had been thrown over, the mirror my mother had salvaged and repurposed for me was destroyed, glass was everywhere, and my grandmothers clock she passed down to me was busted up.

I don't know how I got here.

I don't know how I let it get so bad.

I slowly get up off the couch and watch my step all the way to the bathroom. I flip the light on and there, glowing bright red, on my face is the handprint of my husband. The throwing of things has been going on for a couple years. Hitting is new and Diego never hit me until recently. I should have left him months ago. Maybe even years ago.

After that first hit.

It was after a Christmas party at his office. We got into a fight about me talking to his co workers and about the dress I wore. He said he had been embarrassed by it all. I'm the stand you ground type of woman who snaps back. The moment I had snapped back, was the moment Diego hit me. Diego has been surprised so he left for the evening. I should have just packed and left. I didn't, I waited an apology that never really came and when it did, I knew he didn't mean it.

Tonight, it was about the fact I went out with a few friends and forgot about dinner for Diego. When I came home with take out, he lost it. Called me every name in the book. Threw things and hit me and left.

I slowly touch the already welting mark. I suck in a sharp breath when my cool hand touches the raw skin. It stings so bad that even my tears make it sting. I look at myself again in the mirror. "How pathetic," I whisper to myself. "How pathetic of you to have stayed this long over a boy that can't handle his anger. That's going to change."

I walk out of the bathroom to the room Diego and I share together. I head straight towards the closet and pull out a duffle back and begin to fill with the important things. Clothes. Some shoes. Bathroom and shower necessities. I swap out purses, leaving both my car keys and phone in my old one. I can't risk having Diego try looking for me. I log into my bank account and change every security question and answer. I close my eyes. I never thought I would need to do this yet here I am.

I look around the apartment one last time. My eyes land on the photo from our wedding day. I grab it and rip the picture from the frame. I take a lighter and set it ablaze in the kitchen sink with a few other photos. Taking a deep breath, I finally make my exist from the apartment.

I walk to the nearest bus stop and wait for the bus to show up. Even in the dark it's difficult to hide my swollen face from the world. So I keep it down and tucked behind the collar of my coat. When the bus finally shows up, I get on it and pay my fair. I go sit in the back and ride it all the way to where I need to get off. The ride is quiet. A few people stare at me when they catch sight of my face. I turn away from them and keep my face hidden away. I stare at my bags and think, this is all I have now. A few clothes, money, these bags, a few personal items, etc.

The bus stops and I quickly grab my bags and get off. I turn this way and that looking for the building I need to go into. I spot it, It's hidden behind some trees and another bus stop across the street. I make my way across the street and into the police station.

There is a lady sitting at the front desk. It looks like she's packing up to go home. She gives me a friendly smile and sets her bag aside.

"What can I do for you?" She asks. I see her zero in on the mark on my face and the look in her eyes looks like she's about to cry. "I think I know what papers you need." She turns and leaves the area and returns with a few papers in her hands. She slowly hands me the papers and a pen. "Do you need a safe place to fill these out? Theres a room I can take you to."

I nod, I want to cover as much of my trail and steps as I can. Diego is a smart man. He will soon learn I left him and will soon come looking for me. The lady walks me to a room with a table. She tells me that she won't close the door because some people in my situation get triggered. She walks to the officer that is sitting at a desk across the way and tells him something while pointing to me. The officer looks at me and then nods to the woman.

I look down at the Order of Protection and Restraining Order papers and take a deep breath. When I start to fill the paper out, I notice that I am still wearing my wedding ring and band. I take them off and set them in my bag. As I finish my paper work, I slowly get up and walk out of the room. The officer sees me and slowly approaches me.

"I can take care of this for you," He says reaching for the paper. "Now how about we get some ice for that mark and have a look to make sure it isn't more than raw skin." The officer sits me down and leaves. When he comes back he has a small ice pack and places it on my face. The cool pack feels so nice.

"I have a question," I say as the officer pulls out a first aid box and starts to look at my face.

"Yeah?" he responds.

"Is there a way to put in your system that I am not a missing person but on the run from my husband?" I flinch when the officer wipes my face with the alcohol wipe.

"Sorry," He starts to apply an antibiotic to my face. "If or when your husband comes to us looking for you, our system will actually show that these orders are on him. What will happen is that they will take your information and tell him he has two days until you are declared missing. In that time frame he would have been served with the restraining order." The officer puts a large band aid over my face.

"Good," I say.

"How long?" the officer asks.

"Long enough to finally say fuck it and leave his ass."

***

A few days pass. I'm staying at a hotel and paying by the day. I purchased a brand new phone and got a new number. I called my parents and told them what was going on. They were mad and sadden by the situation but are happy that I got out when could. I got word from my officer friend that the restraining order was delivered but he said that Diego didn't look happy.

A week passes and I am still staying at the hotel. Not many apartments won't rent to me until I'm legally separated from Diego. I meet with a lawyer to have divorce papers drawn up and served to him but according to her, once the papers were signed, it would take a few months for them to be filed.

"Now all we need to do is get you two in here to sing these?" the lady says.

"About that," I fold my hands. "I have a protection order and restraining order on him."

The lawyer nodded her head. "I see. Well, I will have someone deliver to him and see if he will sign them. Just be prepared," She reaches for my hand and takes it in hers. "Some men like him, they will stall this as much as they can to get you to meet in person."

I nod. "I understand, in that case, if I have to meet him, I will have someone I trust with me."

As predicted, a week later, the lawyer calls me ups and tells me that Diego refuses to sign. Says I'm having a mental breakdown and needs to just come home so we can work it out. The lawyer also mentions that Diego had said that I'm lying about him throwing things that it's all me and that he only hit me in self defense because according to him, I slapped him before he slapped me.

I sit back in my hotel room in hot anger. I can feel the steam of my anger coming off my skin. I'm angry he won't sign the papers. I'm angry he started to make up shit about me. But jokes on him, I kept a private album on my iCloud of all the times he hit me. It my friends idea, she encouraged me to document it all somewhere where he doesn't know the password to. She passed away about a year ago from getting hit by a drunk driver.

"I'm going to need a printer," I say looking at the countless pictures of abuse.

***

The next day I go out and purchase a decently priced printer. And a decent laptop since everything was on my phone. As i'm walking down the street back to my hotel, with my things, I find myself falling onto hands and knees. The printer box rolled a few feet from me. I hope it isn't damaged, I think slowly sitting back on my knees and just staring at it.

"Oh my goodness," a voice says. "I am so sorry."

I look up to see a man with a ragged hair, black sunglasses, a black t-shirt with a jean jacket over it, and dark skinny jeans reaching down to help me up to my feet. I take his hand and slowly get to my feet. I notice the scruff framing the rest of his face. The sun shines perfectly behind him and I can't help but feel drawn to him.

"I should have watched where I was going and make sure there wasn't a beautiful woman carrying a large object," the man says turning to pick up my printer. "Doesn't look damaged from the outside."

I smile and feel my face burning. I'm sure it's bright red. "It's okay, I should have called an Uber instead of walking three blocks. I'm sorry about your coffee." I gesture to the fallen cup and spilled contents on the sidewalk. "Let me buy a new one."

The man laughs and waves a free hand. "No need to waste your money on my accident."

"What can I do?" I ask after I made sure my laptop box was fine.

"How about you let me help you with this so another person doesn't run into you?"

Taking a deep breath, I accept the strangers offer.  We walk the last block talking about the city. When we get to the hotel, this man offers to carry the printer all the way up to the room. Didn't even question if I was living there.

"Thank you for doing this," I tell him as he sets the box on the small table.

"Anything," he smiles. "And when you are ready to search for apartments I know of a few good ones."

I give a small smile. I guess it's obvious that I was living in the hotel. "Thanks," I watch as he walks himself to the door. "I did never get your name." I call after him.

"Misha," he smiles. "Collins."

***

A month goes by and I am no longer looking like a crazy person after submitting all my pictures to my lawyer. Still Diego refuses to sign the papers unless he can meet with me alone. Of course I say "fuck no."

"If you want to be rid of him forever, then you have to compromise," my lawyer tells me.So I makes plans for the inevitable. But I have my officer buddy tagging along with me to the meeting.

I stare at the divorce papers and I am praying Diego will sign them at our meeting. But I doubt it. Ever since I left him, I started to see the red flags. Even friends that I still have and that haven't been manipulated by Diego, have told me they saw the way he treated me and spoke to me.

I need fresh air.

I get out of the hotel and walk to the the nearest park. It has a lake right in the middle of it. I rest my arms on the railing and then drop my head on my arms. This is more stressful than when I planned a wedding with Diego. I'm closing a door on almost seven years of marriage.

Diego was never like this. Even when we dated for five years. He was always so sweet, so kind, understanding, etc. He would buy me flowers for no reason. My apartment would be covered in them and I would tell him that I would donate some to nursing homes just to make room. I don't know what snapped in Diego to make him the way he was now.

Sighing I look up and stare at the lake. There is a small flock of ducks swimming passed me. Their color feathers shine in the afternoon. It puts a smile on my face. Something that is hard for me to do lately with everything going on.

"I was wondering when that smile would come," a familiar voice makes me turn to my left. There, a few feet away from me, Misha stands. I haven't seen or spoken to him since he left my hotel after giving me his number.

A number I never called or texted.

I had too google him to see if I could find anything on him. Well, I found a crap ton on him. An actor who did a crap ton of good. He is loved by millions.

"How long have you been standing there?" I ask. Another smile creeping onto my face.

"Not long," he says walking closer to me. "Just long enough to see that frown turn upside down." He gives a small smile. "Are you still at that hotel?"

I chuckle. "I am, I haven't had the time to look at apartments. I've been preoccupied trying to get my soon to be ex-husband to sign divorce papers."

Misha leans up on the railing along side me and looks at the ducks. "Maybe he's holding out to want to try and work things out with you?"

I laugh. "No, he's abusive and isn't having it with me being in control of myself now. The night I left him, it was really bad. It took a while for the mark he left on me to go away. Then he tried to convince my lawyer that I was having a mental breakdown."

"I'm sorry," Misha pulls back from the railing and pulls out his wallet and shows me a penny. "Here's to him signing the papers so you can officially be free of him." He tosses the penny into the water. "Are you doing anything, tomorrow?" He asks.

"Besides meeting Diego to get him to sign papers? No." I answer twiddling my thumbs.

"How about after you meet with him, I take you to look at apartments?" He leans towards me with a smile. "I can get you a really good deal. I'll even drive, so we don't have to walk."

"Sure."

***

"He's late," Xander says stirring his now cold coffee. Xander is the officer that helped me the night after  I left Diego. Xander was also the one who helped set me up at the hotel I'm staying at. Xander's wife, was a domestic violence victim and he was the officer that pulled his ex husband off her. They didn't get hook up until a year later when they ran into each other. They have been married for almost ten years with two kids.

"Just give it a few minutes," I say contemplating buying another coffee eying the divorce papers on the table.

Five minutes later, Diego waltz into the Starbucks and spots us. A smile spreads across his face when he sees me. Then it instantly fades when he sees Xander. He crosses the little shop in a few short strides. His black shoes squeaking from the rain outside.

"So," he sits down and crosses his arms. "Is this who you left me for? Some wanna a be body builder."

Xander smirks. "No, I'm actually a police officer. Since YN here has a few orders drawn up on you it's best that she have the right protection. Even in a public place." I notice that as Xander leans over he has his badge in his hands.

Diego looks over to me. "Can' you stop being so dramatic about this? So that we can just do this alone"

"Not ever going to happen," I say firmly. "And I'm not dramatic. Not about you hitting me."

The look in Diego's eye's grows dark but he puts on a fake smile. "I would never hurt you," He looks around as a few people over heard what I said. "I can't believe you're still on that."

"Look," Xander leans back and pushes the papers towards Diego. "All YN needs you to do is sign these. This game you're trying to play, just keeps hurting her."

Diego stares at Xander. "I don't think I will." He pushes the papers back and starts to get up. "Until next time."

"You're just going string this along aren't you?" I stood up so fast that Xander's coffee spilled. "I don't want to be married to you anymore. I stopped wanting that when you threw the first book and kicked a hole in the wall. I stopped when you hit me. I just let it go on for so long that I forgot how to not walk on eggshells. You don't own me. I don't love you. So sign the fucking papers."

Diego stares at me. I hadn't realized, but I pretty much yelled. I gather my bag and make my way out. Xander follows me.

"Hey," He hands me the papers. "Do you need me tot drive you back?"

"No, a friend is picking me up," I pull my phone out and text Misha. "He should be meeting me in a few minutes. He's taking me to look at apartments."

***

Another month goes by and I'm moved into my new apartment. All thanks to Misha and his ways of persuasion. I got the first six months half off. It was a nice little one bedroom apartment with a little den. Misha even convinced me to let him buy the furniture sets I had my eye one in a catalog.

"I'm just use to working hard for stuff like this," I say when the last of the movers move the stuff in. "I literally don't know how to thank you. Even just saying 'thank you' doesn't seem to be enough."

Misha laughs. The laugh takes up his entire body. "Just a simple thank you would be enough. Unless you want me to come up with a way to convince you to let me take you out to dinner. As friends of course."

I feel my cheeks start to burn. This dude is smooth. "Okay, dinner, as friends, it is."

Misha smiles big. "Awesome, now lets get this place looking as good as you."

For the next two days, Misha is over helping me settle down in my apartment. Whenever he leaves for food or whatnot, he always comes back with something to add to the place. I didn't even argue once.

The time I spent with Misha, he always hyped me up for stuff, he said things how it was and never ever sugar coated things, he held doors open, and gave me words of encouragement whenever I told him that Diego, again, refused to sign papers over.

Diego not signing papers was frustrating. The more time I spent with or talking to Misha, the more my feelings for him grew. But I was still tied to the asshole of a man who knew what he was doing. He knew of my interactions with Misha, he always brought it up but I would shut it down.

"He's just using you for public gain," Diego would tell me. But I knew Misha pretty well at this point. Things I've read on Twitter about him, Misha would never use someone like that.

Each meeting I had with Diego, I started to see him for who he really was. I don't even know how I fell in love with him. He's even gotten his parents convinced that I'm a lunatic. His mom would text me calling me all sorts of names and telling me that I should be the one paying for Diegos therapy sessions. She would also tell me that she knew I was trouble when he brought me home to meet them. His father wanted me to pay back every dime he had spent on mine and Diegos wedding or he would get a lawyer involved. He would even send disturbing texts saying that he's got people watching me and that I should be be careful.

I won't lie, that scared the shit out of me.

That last one pissed Misha off. I have never seen him go off about someone before. After that text, I went out and put restraining orders on Diegos parents and Misha convinced me to have someone look after me while he was gone for his show. I agreed and my new 'bodyguard' went with me everywhere and made sure I got home safe. Misha even hired a security company to set up an alarm system at my apartment.

If I didn't know better, Misha was or has developed some kind of feelings for me.

***

A year after I made my escape from Diego, I finally have my own car. Paid for all on my own. So no more walking. I park my car in my apartment parking spot and pull out my phone. I see the text from Misha, it's from an hour ago. His flight is delayed and that he would see me at some point tomorrow.

"Bummer," I lay back and watch as George, the bodyguard, pull his car into the parking spot behind me. I unbuckle and get out and watch as George do the same. Before I could get a word out, I see two police cars come up and two officers run passed me.

I slowly turn around and watch them run up to my level. My heart beats fast and I follow them. George, of course follows as well. I skip the steps two at a time and watch as one officer kicks my down. I hear yelling and banging around. Suddenly, George has both his hand on my shoulder and pulling me back as an officer finally come out.

With Diego in handcuffs. His nose is bleeding and a bruise is already forming on his face.

I pull away from George and run into my apartment. There standing in the middle of the room was the other officer talking to Misha. Misha has a busted lip and small gash on the side of his head. I notice that the glass bowl that Misha got me was in pieces and the coffee table was destroyed.

Misha sees me and I rush over to him. "Oh my gosh," I take hold of his face. "Are you okay?"

"Are you the lady who lives here?" the officer asks.

"Yes, and this is my friend," I don't my eyes off Misha.

"And the gentleman we arrested?"

"That's no gentleman," my voice is hard. "That is my abusive soon-to-be ex-husband. He has a restraining order on him."

The officer puts her note pad away. "That will explain a lot. We will contact you if we need anything else." With that, the officer left.

"Everything is all good?" Georges voice makes me turn around.

"Everything is good, George," Misha says. "You can go."

After George leaves I turn back to Misha. "You said you're flight had been delayed. What happened?"

Misha leads us to the couch and we sit down. "I only said that so I can surprise you. I hadn't been here for even an hour before he broke in. He wanted to know where you were and I wouldn't tell him. I guess a neighbor called 911 due to the yelling and stuff. Officer saw my stuff and I said my friend lives here and is letting me stay with her."

I nod my head. "I'm just happy you're okay. I don't know how Diego found me."

"It doesn't matter," Misha takes my hand. "He will answer for it in court.

And Misha was right. A week after everything went down, Diego was charged with breaking and entering, assault, and basically breaking the restraining order by stalking. I sat in during the hearing with Misha. Diego's parents tried to fight the five year sentence but the Judge said that if they said anything else before court ended he would double it without parole.

A few weeks after that, I am getting dinner ready when Misha shows up. He had been showing up a lot lately. I don't mind it at all, Misha makes me feel sane and safe.

"Hey," Misha says setting his coat on the couch. "I see that new coffee table came."

"It did, thanks to you," I say pulling a second plate down. I've learned to make a bit extra whenever Misha came over. "Also, I have some good news." I point to the orange envelope on the table. Misha looks at it and then back at me.

"Did," he starts to say.

"He sign it?" I finish his question. "Yeah, he called saying he will sign it. So I dropped by and had them take the paper to him to sign. I wasn't going to see him. They brought it back all signed. I am mailing in the morning."

"That's amazing, YN," Misha comes up to me and hugs me.

"Well, let's celebrate with dinner."

After dinner, after we clean up, we are sitting on the couch. Talking about whatever came to mind. We are talking about things we are still embarrassed by when Misha takes my hand.

"YN," He says softly. "I want to tell you something."

"Sure," I put my free hand on over his.

"I...I really care about you and I am glad that it was me here and not you when Diego broke in," Mishas voice is soft still. "I honestly don't know what I would do if you were here and he hurt you. All I ever wanted was for you to be safe."

"And I am," I slowly rub his hand with my thumb.

We stare at each other for what feels like forever when Misha pulls his hands from mine and put them on my face. His eyes look search mine for permission but I lean closer to him and brush my lips over his. He closes his eyes and I feel the shiver run through his body.

His gentle grip on my face forces my face back to his where his lips wait. They're smooth and there's a lot of passion behind his kiss. My hands run up to his collar as I move closer to him. The kiss deeps and Mishas hands trail down my sides to my hips where he pulls me onto his lap. It makes it easier for my tongue to push pass his lips and into his mouth.

Without breaking the kiss and with a low growl, Misha stands up, both arms supporting me as he walks us to the bedroom. Kicking the door shut.

#SPN #spn fanfiction #spnfandom #spn final season #spnimagine #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural imagine #supernatural fic #supernatural family #fanfic #spnfanficfriday #spnfamily #Misha Collins #misha misha misha #misha collins x reader #misha collins x you #misha x reader #misha x you #misha collins imagine #misha imagine #misha one shot #misha collins one shot #misha collins fluff #misha collins angst #misha collins smut #misha fluff #misha agnst #Misha Smut

[youarejesting]

Femme: 45

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader, GDragon x Bigbang, Erik Nam, Hyuna x Dawn, Black Pink x Female oc, TXT x robot oc, Got7 x Female oc

Rating: Mature

Length: 3.3k

Warnings: Birth, Smut, Oral (male receiving & Female receiving), Pregnancy sex, Orgasm denial, Overstimulation, Dirty talk, Cute scenes.

Announcement: It has been a long time but I had some spare time to finish this chapter 5 more to go. I tried to hint at some of the other background characters stories at the end of this chapter. I will hopefully expand on them more just a fraction in these closing chapters. I one day, when I revisit and edit the hell out of this fic, wish to create the side stories and elaborate more on them. 5 CHAPTERS LEFT!

Your channel had blown up massively taking over the number one channels on the social media platform, surpassing, S series and you were setting dates after your next child was born to go on tour starting and ending in Seoul. Working with a camera crew and setting up your house you had actually decided to start a reality tv series based on your busy lives.

You started filming and you were talking about your routines and the dynamic between you and the boys, the boys decided not to disclose their relationships between them but didn’t act much different around each other. They would still cuddle and feed each other and make inside jokes. Still getting questions from femmes and their companions about issues you took your time to explain and encouraged more questions when you go on tour the end of the year.

The twins and Jeongsan were running around after daycare, the ran straight into the living room climbing onto the couch, jumping up and down on Yoongi’s back. “Daddy Yoogi, Daddy Yoogi” In a quick movement he caught them both with his arm and picked them up and spun them around making them giggle.

Seokjin called them to the table for some afternoon tea, “Come on, you can have juice and a bikkie, how does that sound?” “Bikkie!” they each scrambled to the table sitting quietly waiting for their snack. You waddled over kissing the twins on the head and scruffing Jeongsan’s hair. The front door opened and you turned to see Kyungju storm past and Jimin holding the door open laughing silently.

“Why is my son upset?” Yoongi asked concerned “Some girl at school likes him and stole his milk at school and he is mad,” Jimin said and Jungkook was trying to hold himself together and Yoongi nodded silently heading up to the room to deal with it.

You were home alone Hoseok was visiting his parents with his son. This meant you could do anything you wished, taking the keys to the van thanking yourself for getting yourself an international license. The car though it looked old like the vintage car from your time, it was modern as hell It practically drove itself and that scared you a little. With a destination in mind, you started driving. Except you had accidentally been speeding not seeing that the limit had dropped.

You were pulled over and a wave of nausea washed over you and you had vomited all over the police officers shoes. They took you to the station believing you were intoxicated. You thankfully locked the car before you left. Filling out some paperwork you sat in the holding cell in the corner of the station and waited. 

“Do you have someone we can contact” you had to think carefully, Namjoon had a reputation that you didn’t want to ruin and you had to pick someone who wouldn’t make the situation worse and wouldn’t make fun of you for it.

Before you had the chance to answer you heard a familiar voice. “Why is my wife in the holding cell?” He walked over and the officer saluted him. 

“Uh Detective Kim, she was caught speeding and assaulted an officer” “Namjoon, I got a craving for jajangmyeon and so I went for a drive down the road and I didn’t see the speed limit sign and I got pulled over and I was nauseous and I accidentally vomited on an officers pants and they thought I was drunk so they brought me back here.”

“Sir her blood test results shows her blood alcohol level is zero” the officer wearing sweat pants glared at you and you looked apologetically at him.  “Of course it is zero, she is pregnant” Namjoon pulled open the cell door and walked you out to sit on a comfy chair. He ordered some jajangmyeon and sighed.

“Is the baby okay, you must be hungry” he frowned glaring at the officers. The two paled considerably. You took your husbands face and gave him a kiss and apologizing. “I am sorry Namjoon, I was just so hungry, I thought I was driving sensibly, last time I remember fake street was 60 but it is 50 now, when did they change it”

The officers paled a little further, “It was changed this morning they lowered it as there was a lot of trouble for cars during work hours trying to merge. You weren’t to know”

“How much money do I owe, I can pay it now,” the two shook their heads. “No, we couldn’t expect you to pay anything for a simple mistake,”  “No I am a woman of my word, I did the wrong thing and my husband as a law enforcer and a detective can’t have the law bent for him. How much?”

“A first offence ticket for speeding would be approximately 30,000 won for being under 20km over the limit,” Namjoon said and you nodded and pulled out the money. 

“What about the pants? I can pay for them to be dry cleaned” The food arrived and the officers paid for the meal and handed it over, you began eating heartedly and Namjoon sat beside you rubbing your belly fondly. “My wife, do not stress, you are supposed to be resting. What if you went into labour early again”

Needless to say, you did not live it down, The boys were calling you a speed demon for the next few weeks, as you waddled down the hall Seokjin began calling like you were a racehorse or race car. Jimin would dodge out of your way and grin down at you shouting “WOAH slow down!”

Finding out you were having a baby girl with Namjoon had to be one of the sweetest things. He would come to you with different names. He wanted to find an English name and a Korean name. The names were either too odd or sounded too old fashion. You were snacking on some leftovers from the fridge and Yoongi snuck from his studio to the kitchen and back.

“What’s with Yoongi?” “He is worried you will go into labour again?” Namjoon who you were leaning on had a resting Seokjin laying on his lap. You were running your hand over Seokjin’s soft hair and Namjoon ran his hand up and down Seokjin’s “We have all placed out bets” the eldest smiled tiredly up at you causing your chest to constrict pleasantly.

“Who has placed bets?” “Jiyong and his family, all our parents, his parents, everyone at your work, Jimin’s work, my work, Hajun and his wife, us, Erik, the BlackPink girls, the TXT boys the NCT boys texted their bets last night and also Tae set up a poll online last night and ninety-six percent of the people who voted voted for Yoongi” Jimin grinned looking up from his phone.

“How many people voted?”  “In twenty-four hours one million four hundred thousand”

Finally convincing Yoongi to spend some time with you, he seemed to relax at the idea that you weren't about to surprise deliver another baby. It was amusing how he would cautiously look at your belly and it would take several attempts before he would give you a quick kiss and pull away. However, you missed him and when all the children were at daycare or asleep and you were feeling frisky you had to come up with a plan.

Taking out Yoongi’s favourite undergarments and his favourite clothes on you, you got dressed. You did your hair just the way he liked it exposing your neck. You were set, walking into his studio he turned and pulled off his headphones. “Is something wrong?”

“No I just wanted to see you” you smiled and walked over. He seemed to notice the swaying of your hips and the tone of your voice, what you wanted and he groaned.

“Kitten we can’t” he covered his eyes with his hand and laid his head back on the chair. “Can’t what, I just wanted to see you Oppa” The sound that pulled out of his chest was sinful. Yoongi’s moan gave you the confidence to keep going. You took his hands and kissed them leaning over the back of his chair making him relax. Slowly letting your entwined hands drop behind him as casual as you possibly could, playing with his hands and moving them around so he didn’t expect anything odd. It didn’t take much as he couldn’t feel them against his wrist due to his thick hoodie but you cuffed him and then cuffed the cuffs to the chair. He heard the clicks and pulled against them.

“Take them off” He hissed looking at you unamused. These weren’t for playing these were from Namjoon’s work. You turned his chair and sank to your knees grinning up at him. 

“Come on Oppa, we haven’t played together in ages” “Maybe if you stop going into labour” “It’s cause you make me feel so good” He was practically clawing at the chair to get out of them, encouraging you to proceed. He was telling you in great detail why this was a bad idea, but that didn’t last long. As soon as you had him in your hand his words caught in his throat and his mouth ran dry.

“You know the safe word, you can use it if you need to” He watched you looking up through your lashes at his expression, he liked the anticipation. You parted your lips and let out a small puff of warm air, it made him twitch. 

“Don’t play with me baby, Fuck the safe word, you can’t hurt me” He scoffed, his face was mocking you. “I can do whatever I want to cause you can’t stop me” You went to take him in your mouth and pulled back again “Actually perhaps we shouldn’t do this I mean...”

You pressed your thumb firmly across the head of his penis making his stomach muscles jump. “You obviously don’t want this” Completely playing the dominant role. You saw his brow tick and his mouth fall open he was pissed. Languidly stroking his member, the desire to give him everything he wanted. This time, however, you wanted to be in control. squeezing him gently he took a sharp breath before exhaling a strong moan. 

He huffed beads of sweat across his brow. Deciding to speak to him completely in English, “You know I think you would look better wearing this, Mister Min” Pulling out a blindfold and he shook his head “Don’t you dare” Slipping it over his head he squirmed and tried to get it off. “You are going to be punished after this kitten, I am going to take you over my knee and spank you until you can’t sit down”

You took him in your mouth sucking hard before pulling away completely. He was trying to hold it in and you grinned repeating this action a few times, he was painfully hard and as you breathed hot air gently against him you watched pre-cum dribble from the tip. His cock bouncing ever so slightly with the beat of his heart.

“Ahhh stop messing with me or I will” You firmly squeezed his thick length and grinned at the noise he made. “Or you will what?” Taking him into your mouth and bringing him to the edge listening to the way he breathed and panted he was so close. Pulling off of him with a wet pop. “It’s getting late Yoongi, I need to go start dinner”

“Don’t you dare” He shouted, you didn’t leave the room but you did open and shut the door waiting silently “I know you didn’t leave, If you let me out now I won’t punish you, kitten, Kitten I got work to do, come on let me out”

Opening and closing the door again he perked up as you walked over, “You need to get me out of this” “You know the safe word use it” “No, I won’t back out like a little bitch” he growled “I want to get out of these and bend you over my desk.

“That sounds nice but I don’t want to do that” Sinking to your knee’s you spent half an hour bringing him to the edge of his release and then stopping he was squirming in his computer chair when it slipped past his lips. “Please, just let me cum” You smiled around his dick swirling your tongue around the head, you ignored him continuing the slow torture from the start. Turning on your phone to record him begging. “Please just let me cum kitten I need this, Please oh fuck. Please. Please it hurts”

You pulled off his blindfold and smiled up at him “What do you want me to do?” “I need you to make me cum, please” you brought him to ecstasy once and he whimpered actually whimpered throwing himself back in the seat trying to move away. But that over stimulation was how you got him to cum a second time “Too much, fuck ahh too sensitive kitten I can’t”

Paying you back tenfold. It was your anniversary weekend and the kids were at their grandparents or asleep in their cots. Your hands and feet had been tied to the bed and Yoongi made sure to tell the boys they were allowed to everything but let you finish. They took turns you spent the whole day in bed only allowed to take toilet and lunch breaks.

By the third day, you were looking for any way out. “Jimin imagine if I came right now it would be so powerful after two days of waiting. I bet it would be really nice” “Yeah it would but Yoongi would have us both in chastity belts” He laughed cumming inside of you with a groan all the talk had him spent. You were filled with their essence and they weren’t letting any of it go to waste.

When you finally came, it was with his permission. He made you count down from thirty and began thrusting hard into you. If you came before thirty whatever number you were on would be the number of times Yoongi would receive a back rub. You didn’t want to tell him you would gladly give him a massage whenever he wished. They were all watching and sadly you broke at four.

Yoongi finally seemed comfortable with the idea of being intimate with you, but boy was he in for a shock when March came around. You were laying on a makeshift bed in the recording booth. There was a sound he wanted to record. He was trying to elicit a moan from you and when he got it he rewarded you. You frowned and his face dropped “no kitten you didn’t, please tell me this is a joke”

“I’m sorry honey the baby is coming today” you winced and he ran to grab some towels. You had an easy birth, one of the easiest so far because the baby was so small. “Everyone welcome our second daughter to the family her name is Kim Mirae and her English name is Mila June” 

You had picked her middle name and made it the same sound as her father's name. The children all met their baby sister, Huimang was too little to understand. 

“If someone gets you pregnant before this child turns two I will actually cut their dick off” Yoongi sighed  “Papa Joo did Adar Yoogi day a bad word” “Yes baby, he did” Namjoon ruffled Jae Eun’s hair while glaring at Yoongi. “Are you happy papa Joon?” Jeongsan asked and Namjoon smiled “Very happy”

Things slowed down, Namjoon took a little time off work to be with his daughter for the first few weeks. He loved Mirae greatly. He would just talk to her for hours about anything they shared so many secrets.  He had on more than one occasion tried to put nappies on backwards which was always amusing. Kyungju had just finished first grade and Jeongsan would be heading off to school when the term started again in the following year. You weren’t ready to see them all growing up.

Hoseok had Huimang and you had Mirae strapped to your chests. You were doing some light aerobic dancing. Jungkook had been pushing you at the gym to strengthen all your muscles in your tummy. You didn’t want your muscles to separate so you tried hard to keep yourself strong. 

The boys and yourself had been super careful, all being very safe as you didn’t want to get pregnant any time soon. The schedule was booked for your live tour. You were performing at a few theatres around the world. Starting in Seoul your stage was set up to look like your recording room. Your guest was NCT. Jiyong followed you on tour with his family and helped watch the kids while you were on stage. 

But you never stopped your children from joining you. On many occasions, they would have a small lapel mic and pack courtesy of the stagehands and they would run out. “Adar, Jeongsan needs to go to the bathroom” Kyungju led his younger brother out by the hand.  “JK to the rescue” Hoseok laughed heartily and the crowd joined in. 

While Jungkook was gone, you opened up questions Femme’s stepped up onto the stage and they asked you questions. “I was unfrozen a week ago and I have been watching your videos from the start, I am not far through them so you probably have already mentioned it but, what do you do to cope with homesickness”

“That’s a really good question, I cried a lot always thinking about everything my family wouldn’t get to see, and that’s perfectly okay to cry and be upset over. My wedding and the birth of my beautiful children all I wanted was to have that support from my family. Until one day I realised I had been shutting the boys out and I needed to open up, I needed to face my fears. I remember the dream I had and they all sang to me asking me what I was looking for and where I was going. I didn’t realise the whole time I was with them I was looking back at my past and not at the present and future. And when I finally looked forward I saw the support from them and their families, my friends and neighbours. There were just so many people, even online there were people standing with me. We are never alone. Which brings us to a really important announcement all the Femme’s here will leave with a care package from me to you we need to support one another”

The tour went amazing and there was enough footage for you to make a tour special which was posted on the latest movie streaming platform Fletnix.

Watching Eric and the TXT boys grow up and go to university you were so proud. Hyuna and Hyojong had actually gotten engaged and were the cutest couple. The Frozen Spoon had become iconic, with the increased revenue, you became the area manager of two stores, each store had a picture of Moon Inshik the founder and beside it a little plaque with his story.

Namjoon’s old friend Jackson and his 6 fellow applicants were celebrating their Femme who announced she was pregnant with a little girl. The young girls whom you met at the park had slowly graduated high school and reached full maturity, three joined the Femme Project, one of them found matches, two were frozen and the fourth decided to put in an application for a femme herself.

She had been denied over thirteen times but she was still persisting with her application. Until she found her perfect match.

Femme Media 45

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[softjeon]

can i request an ansty scenario w/jjk where he broke up with taehyung and shows up late and night to get him back? + "jeongguk it's 2am, what are you doing here?", "I fucked up"

— GENRE; angst | — PAIRING; Taehyung x Jungkook | — DISCLAIMER; break-up, mentioning of cheating | — Wordcount; 1,9k | — written with @cassiavioletblue

He had been crying all night until sleep just took him under and made him forget about a couple of hours. Jimin had been with him for the most part; without him he’d probably would have forgotten to even drink or eat something, because Taehyung was just staring at the wall in front of him. How did they end up like this? Taehyung loved him. He loved him more than he loved his paint brushes. Or his camera. The one he gotten for him. 

Taehyung curled in on himself, sniffling his cries in the pillow. The hurt was swallowing him whole and he had no idea, how to make this stop. He needed him. How could he let him go, when he had promised to be by his side forever. It wasn’t fair and all he wanted to do was to scream. 

…

Jungkook had looked at his phone for the nth time tonight. Taehyung hadn’t called or sent him a message - of course he hadn’t. But it still felt wrong. What was even more wrong was that he had basically stalked Taehyung’s social media accounts to see how he was as he couldn’t exactly ask him but his boyf… his ex-boyfriend hadn’t posted anything. 

The thought weighted like lead on him, pulling him down and making him unable to move.

Taehyung had shut off his phone, when Jungkook had first tried to call him. He didn’t want to talk to him. He shouldn’t care anymore. That’s what his mind was telling him, but his heart was just hurting so much from the betrayal that he couldn’t think straight anymore. How was it possible for him to still feel love and so much pain at the same time. Taehyung threw a pillow at the wall in anger, before he got up. 

His eyes were bloodshot, swollen from crying so much. Jimin had left him with a few groceries that he had brought him earlier and Taehyung was thankful as he took out one of the juice boxes and sat down again. His apartment seemed so empty now. How could Jungkook do this to him, when he had been trying so much, giving him his whole heart just for the younger to crush it. 

…

Jungkook got more and more restless, the thoughts swirling quicker and quicker in his head. He knew that it was getting dangerous; he started to do stupid shit if he felt like that. Like overexerting himself in the gym or taking risks when he was out with his friends, playing too hard, caring too little about his own safety. Or sleeping with a stranger. He physically recoiled at that thought while shame flooded him. He still couldn’t explain why exactly he had done it. He hadn’t been too drunk to realize what he was doing, he hadn’t stopped loving Taehyung, he had just… given in to his desire. An impulsive, reckless, utterly stupid decision that he regretted every second of the day and even worse at night when he was alone and heartbroken.

Taehyung sighed deeply, before closing his eyes again, rubbing over his face. He was so tired. So fucking tired but he was sleepless. The nights only brought him nightmares, making him want to scream and cry. He had thought he would be the one. All of them did. Taehyung bit his lip as he tried to keep it together, searching for the blanket that was lying over the armrest of the couch and pulled it over his head. 

…

Jungkook should have learned to control himself better by now and yet the impulsivity and restless energy were still pushing him into quick decisions. Jungkook jumped up from the bed, grabbing his jacket and his key. He would get out, get his head free, breathe in some cold night air - or inhale smoke. He patted down the pockets of his leather jacket to find he had his cigarettes but forgot his lighter. Typically. He would need to ask someone to give him fire.

…

Taehyung had gotten up from the couch eventually, before shuffling back into his bedroom. It was the first thing he did; changing all the sheets, trying to get rid of his smell, his scent that was lingering everywhere in his apartment. Taehyung simply ignored the tears by now as he pushed the blanket away to get back and try and get some rest, when the doorbell rang.

He jumped, eyes wide as he stood frozen in his dark bedroom. Taehyung’s eyes flickered over to his clock. It was 2 am. No one should be here this late. With shaking hands, Taehyung peeked outside the bedroom, startling just as hard as he did the first time when it rang again. 

There was no one around at that time of the night and instead of just doing the most logical thing (which was turning around and getting his own goddamn lighter) he suddenly remembered that he had always left one of his at Taehyung’s because of his habit for forgetting them. 

And Taehyung, caring, attentive, lovely Taehyung had always made sure he had everything he needed at his place. 

The desire to see Taehyung was so strong that it burned  behind his eyes, giving him a headache. He just needed the lighter. He would.. he would go to Taehyung and just ask him. It wasn’t… strange to want his lighter back, was it? He needed it. And Taehyung… maybe he wasn’t even there. But he could try right? Maybe ask him how he was doing, making sure he was okay.

Somehow Taehyung knew it was him. It was as if his heart recognized him being close. And the little peephole in his door only confirmed his thought.

“What are you doing here?” Taehyung’s voice sounded breathless and tired as he peeked through the door that he only opened a small crack, “It’s two am.” It was the only thing he could think of, ignoring the nervous beating of his heart that was hammering against his chest. 

“I…” He broke of. Somehow he hadn’t thought this through. Tae had every right to just leave him standing there outside. His heart clenched painfully, knowing that the other was so close, right behind this door and yet he couldn’t touch him, couldn’t kiss him or hold him like he yearned for. 

The prospect of never being able to hold Tae in his arms ever again scared him so much it choked out his voice.

Taehyung could feel it as if a knife was turned in his heart, twisting and making him bleed. It was a dumb idea to even let him see him. Jimin would have told him the same, but he couldn’t help it. He still loved him. He really did. But he was hurting more than anything else.

“You - what?” Taehyung sighed, before shaking his head, opening the door just a little further to be able to lean against the frame. “What do you want Jungkook?” He didn’t want to sound so sharp, even though it was all the younger deserved and yet. It wasn’t him to speak like this. 

“I… I need…” You! was what he meant to say but he couldn’t so instead he just mumbled something like, “Do you still have my lighter?” He barely dared to look Taehyung in the eyes. The other looked so hurt, so bone-deep-exhausted that all he wanted to do was cuddle him on the couch, with a blanket and some hot cocoa while promising him that it would get better, that they would be okay. 

Except they were not.

“Y-you’re lighter?” Taehyung’s voice almost broke, eyes tearing up, but he quickly blinked, looking everywhere but Jungkook. It hurt. It hurt so much to look at him. He wanted to scream at him, tell him how much of an asshole he was. 

“Sure,” He pressed his lips tightly together, as he turned around and walked over to where Jimin had collected all of Jungkook’s things that he brought him in a box. It was another stab, when he lifted the small box, filled with all kinds of things that the younger had left in his apartment over the years.  But it was time to give it back to him. 

Jungkook chuckled when he saw the box, a little cardboard thing with everything inside he owned. Not because he actually found it funny but because he was so overwhelmed and he didn’t know what else to do. So that’s what it had come to. Three years of up and downs and a love that was supposed to be forever and it the end the only thing that remained was heartbreak, some memories and a stupid little box. “I’m sorry, I haven’t collected your stuff yet. Somehow… I didn’t… I couldn’t really… It would be better if you’d come and get it yourself. I’m not quite sure what you’d even want. You can come when I’m at work so it might be easier for you and you’ve got… more time. You still have the key?” Maybe Taehyung had thrown it away. 

Taehyung nodded, gulping hard against the lump in his throat. “T-the key is in the box,” He answered with a heavy heart. Jungkook’s expression changed and with it, the tears shot in Taehyung’s eyes as he tried to take a deep breath. He didn’t want to cry. “Don’t look at me like this.” His voice sounded shaky and rough, “I thought we’d end up differently, …moving boxes together.” A small smile played on his lips as he gave the box over to Jungkook. “I really hope you found what you’ve been missing with me.” Tears rolled down his cheeks as he let go of the box and held onto the doorframe, too scared to break. 

“I didn’t. You know I didn’t. No one could be like you. It was…” He couldn’t say ‘just sex’ because it had also broken Taehyung’s heart to pieces so ‘just’ wasn’t the word he should use. 

“It doesn’t justify anything and I don’t expect you to forgive me although…“ His voice got quiet, “…though I had hoped you might. I love you, Tae. I did back then and I still do. I was… stupid, that’s all. I wasn’t trying to replace you. I would never. Because I know I can’t. Nothing and no one could.”

Taehyung’s bottom lip was trembling as he listened to Jungkook’s apology, wiping over his cheeks, because he couldn’t stop the tears anymore. “I still love you, Jungkook. Something like that doesn’t vanish but…but I can’t do this. Not like this. Not without knowing that you won’t do this again.” Taehyung averted his gaze, “You’ve hurt me too much, too many times. You weren’t just stupid, Jungkook and you know it. Even if you weren’t trying to replace me you were looking for something I can’t give to you. Apparently my love wasn’t enough so don’t tell me no one can be like me when it’s bullshit.” He looked up with tearfilled eyes, “I need time.”

“I know you do.” Jungkook bowed his head. He didn’t even try to make promises or tell Taehyung it would never happen again because even though he wished with all of his heart that he could take back what he had done he couldn’t be sure that he wouldn’t hurt Tae in another form in a few months. He seemed to have a talent for that, for hurting Tae even though he didn’t mean to. It wasn’t all rainbow and sunshine with them, they fought a lot but they loved each other just as hard and Jungkook had thought it would be enough. 

Apparently it wasn’t.

#taekook #bangtanxm #bangtanarmynet #kwritersworldnet #taehyung #jungkook #drabbles #anon #ask

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧  Chapter 184

Frank Castle was found overwhelmingly guilty by a jury of his peers. Though you’d tried not to give too much of your mental space to the entire trial, you had watched pieces of it. Matt Murdock had been missing through many key parts of it. Their defense fell apart. They were trying to go for not guilty by reason of mental defect. Maybe they would have won if they’d been better. Or maybe they would have won if they’d had a better handle on their client. 

Your lawyers would have never put Frank Castle on the stand. Never. Not in a million years. For good reason. You knew the second he was put there, it was over. And, predictably, the jury had a hard time finding him innocent after he’d had a huge outburst and told the entire courtroom that he was happy that he’d killed all those people and that the second he was out, he’d go on killing. 

That was it. It was over after that. 

Damage control became your life the day the trial ended. This was a hot topic and there was no getting away from it. A pit formed in your stomach. All you could do was deny and deflect and try to use reason. Which was what you did that night on MSNBC. It was what you did the next day on three different daytime talkshows, two afternoon interviews, and one late night beatdown. It went on and on like that for a week.

Assuring the guests and the interviewer- and everyone watching at home- that you were sorry for what Frank Castle went through. That it was a terrible atrocity what happened to his family. But he was also not enhanced. He was not like your team. And that your team did not condone wanton violence. Did not condone murdering. Frank Castle had his methods, and he was being put behind bars probably for the rest of his life because of them. A jury had ruled. There was no other way about it. 

You usually left off with that maybe it would have been better to put him in a psych facility where he could get help. That he was troubled. That he was grieving. And that grief had made him very dangerous. But… this was not your call to make. And when one of the hosts got perturbed and asked if you wanted to grant a murderer leniency- if you wanted to go easy on someone who had taken other people away from their families… you kept steady as you talked about the cycle of violence. 

Locking Frank Castle up… maybe you didn’t agree with it. He needed help. And he wasn’t going to get it in prison. But no matter what, despite the way you felt, you were not behind murdering for justice. Never. That was not something you stood by, it was not something Stark Industries stood by, and certainly it was not something the Avengers stood by. 

Stocks miraculously held steady as you put in the work. The conversation drifted. People moved on. And that was about as much as you could ask for. 

--- 

It was raining on the night you were coming home late from another television interview. November twentieth. A friday. Your time on air had felt less like an interview and more like a debate- but you’d agreed to go on Fox, so you’d been prepared. But even sitting in the backseat of your car while Happy drove back to the Tower felt difficult. You were ready to just go to bed. Call it quits. On many levels. 

There had been heavy traffic ever since you’d taken off from the curb. Moving about five inches at a time. Happy apologized, overly so. You told him it was okay. Gotten on a long phone call with Tony. Told him you were going to be home later than you’d planned for. He, of course, told you you could always take the short route. But to be fair to Happy who you’d asked to accompany you, you, of course, were not going to do that. 

About ten blocks out from the Tower, traffic really halted to a standstill. You’d been sitting in place for six minutes or so. Needing some air, you rolled the window down, held your palm outside, skyward, catching a few cool drops against your skin. Took a deep breath and just reminded yourself to be patient. Happy apologized. Again. You told him it was okay. Again. 

And just as it seemed like cars were moving again, he drove by a darkened alleyway. At least it was. Until a brilliant flash of colors went off. You were suddenly moving too quick to see after all that time being stuck. You tapped against his backseat anxiously. “Stop- hang on-” 

It wasn’t the spark of light. It was the feeling of dread. Of absolute terror radiating from the back of that alleyway. And if not for that, a young girl crying out, “Somebody help me!” Would have been more than enough. 

Happy screeched the car to a halt and you jumped out of the back, into the rain. He called after you, and you heard his car door open as he scrambled to follow you, popping an umbrella up over you. At the mouth of the alley was the girl that voice belonged to, and crowding around her were three big men in what looked like SWAT gear. 

She spotted you and waved a hand. “Hey- please! Over here!” She had big fluffy black hair, half parted back in top pigtails, sporting a bright yellow jacket covered in enamel pins. 

“Excuse me officers.” You neared. Happy stayed right behind you. Without looking at him you felt his hand going to his gun. He was holding expertly still but inside he was nervous. 

The men didn’t even turn to you. “Leave the area ma’am. This is government business.” 

“Oh is it now? The government is asking secret police to round up innocent young girls?” Your Reactor was in your purse. In the car. If they wanted to do something about your presence there was probably little you could do to stall them. 

To make matters were, you were pissing them off. And, with all their government authority, the man in the middle didn’t even turn to look at you. Instead gaging your distance- probably by the sound of your voice- and then stepped back and moved to ram the butt of his gun against your temple. 

At least that’s what he wanted to do. 

You instead dodged and grabbed him by the wrist, giving him a nice sharp twist. The other men turned once you yanked his gun from him with your free hand and threw it back. Weapons were drawn on you, Happy had his gun up- but once they saw you- 

“Oh shit.” 

You made a face at him. “You think?” Giving the one in your custody a little warning turn without breaking his wrist and then letting him go. “Now- you’re gonna tell me what the hell you’re doing here- and on whose orders.” 

“We don’t answer to you.” 

A roll of your eyes. “Who do you answer to?” 

The one you’d grabbed cradled his arm to his stomach. “President Ellis. So you can take this up with him.” 

Purposefully, you changed positions on the field, getting right in his face while stepping back and to the side a few times over. Covering the girl finally- although… there was a strange presence nearby her- “And what is this?” 

The two idiots looked at each other and then their little ringleader, who issued an order. “Call this in!” 

Your mouth opened to tell LUNA to throw out an EMP and disable their communications, but something strange happened before you could. A chill passed by you, and then it looked as if a girl came out of nowhere- maybe out of the dumpster- bumping into them- no… through them?- at least until she rounded to the side and then made physical contact with the last guy and faked a fumble as she said, “Oops! Sorry!” 

 It all happened so fast but you realized the reason- whatever electronics they had on them- walkies, night-vision goggles and phones hanging on their hips, all crackled up with static. The soldier on the left started getting very nervous. He shoved the girl back- you caught her by the arms and then twisted to turn her in a deposit behind you, one arm up to protect the two of them, as one of the men shouted, “We’re busted!” 

Using his sudden anxiety you drew it up into a bigger ball and then pushed it onto them. “Tell me what you’re doing here. Now. What does Ellis need with kids in New York?” 

“Not kids.” The leader spat, standing tall to you despite himself. Though he couldn’t exactly hide his sudden tremors. At least not from you. “We’re following orders. To round up inhumans.” 

Your nose wrinkled and your brows knit with the very picture of disgust. “That’s what we’re doing now? What a reprehensible term.” Ellis was starting a scare campaign right underneath you? “Inhuman in what way?” When they all looked between each other you forced it. “Come on. Be honest with me. I know that’s what you want.” 

Whether or not they had a genuine bone in their body, you were able to replicate the feeling for them. 

The one that had yet to speak up looked at you. “You know. Like your people.” 

“Enhanced.” Helping him out. 

“I don’t care what you call it. They’re calling them Inhumans and we have orders to round them up.” 

You stepped forward, feeling a certain rage coming to a boil. “And do what to them?” 

The main soldier sneered at you. “Who fucking cares what happens to ‘em after that.” 

“I do.” You were frightening them. Good. “I don’t know if you gentlemen remember, but we fought a whole war over secret police rounding up people and throwing them in camps- I assume that’s what we’re doing here, right? Being a little on the nose? Ellis isn’t a smart man.” 

He scoffed in your face. “What’re you, now- Captain America?” 

“I’m Lady Iron.” Getting right in his space. He tried to back away. But there was nowhere to go. “Part of the Avengers, in case you need a refresher.” 

“Really? ‘Cuz way intel’s been telling it, you and your boyfriend haven’t been part of that team for a while. What happened? They kick you out?” 

You let no surprise or curiosity enter your expression. “Interesting intel you’ve got. What’s their name? And- while we’re at it- what’s the name of this squad?” He opened his mouth but you held a finger up. “And don’t lie to me.” 

Maybe he was going to. But for one reason or another, he reconsidered. “ATCU. Advanced Threat Containment Unit.” 

Threats. Ellis was supposedly sending out little SWAT teams to go contain threats. Enhanced individuals they were labeling as inhuman. This was pretty far gone already. How had it gotten this bad? While deliberating on just exactly how you were going to send this band of idiots on their merry way, you’d given the leader an opening. 

He was mad. Which made sense. You’d blown his operation and were standing in the way of his goal. Talking down to him, no less. So when he grabbed your arm you only started a little. “Fuck this. We’ll take the both of you. Let Price sort it out herself.” 

“Hey-!” Happy was ready to make a move but him shouting and drawing his gun again had the other two soldiers turning towards him, raising their own weapons. 

You drew attention back very quickly, seething while also projecting a tidal wave of fright over all three of them. “If you want to keep that hand, I’d suggest you take it off me. You know exactly who I am and exactly what I’m capable of. I’ve put down things far bigger and more important than you. I won’t even blink. So you’ve got until the count of three and after that my mercy has run dry. One-” 

That sharp start of the count was all he needed. He reeled back like you’d burned him. Trying to gather up any last shred of dignity he pointed his gun at you, one handed, finger on the trigger. You stood firm. If not for yourself, then for the poor girl you were protecting. The two of you stared each other down until finally he lowered the weapon and shook his head. “Fuck this.” Again with even more emphasis than the last time he’d said it. “Not worth this much trouble. Come on. Fall back.” 

The other did men did as commanded, following their little leader out of the alleyway and into a parked black SUV on the other side of the street. You watched them. Maybe a little too menacingly. But after they were gone, Happy turned back to you and frowned. “You alright?” 

“I’m fine. Thank you, Happy.” Assuring him easily. This was hardly the hardest thing you’d ever had to do. And it was for good reason. Turning back you saw the girls just waiting. And finally you actually saw the other one that had pretended to stumble onto this little scene. Small and slender, with brown hair in a high ponytail and bright blue eyes. “You kids alright?” 

The one that seemed to appear out of nowhere nodded. “Thank you- so much.” 

The other girl grinned. “You really did a number on those creeps. It was awesome.” 

“Let’s talk in the car.” They’d been standing out in the rain for so long it was unfair to keep them hostage any longer. It wasn’t hard to convince them, either. Once in the spacious backseat of the limo- after they were done oo-ing and aah-ing over all the tech and lights and looking around, you put one leg up over the other. “So. Are you girls really enhanced?” 

 In what way, you wondered. They were so young. Mid-teens, maybe. The only kids you’d seen that young were Wanda and Pietro- and they were older than these girls for sure … you were mostly sure, anyway. What did the government want with them? Had they been experimented on by the government? And now Ellis was trying to round them back up to cover for his mistakes?

The girl in the yellow jacket sighed with the biggest eye roll you’d probably ever seen. Teens. “Shows what they know. Inhumans. Totally rude. We’re mutants.” She said this like she was… proud of it. Like mutant was a better term than inhuman. ...you weren’t so sure about that. 

“Mutants?” Asked with a little tilt of your head. “I think we’re jumping ahead. Do you two have names?” 

The girl with the brown hair smiled. “I’m Kitty, ma’am. And this is Jubilee.” 

“And what are you two doing out so late?” 

They both looked at each other. Probably trying to concoct some sort of cover story. But they couldn’t seem to come up with them. Kitty frowned. There was a modicum of guilt radiating off the both of them. “We were just… we wanted to come see the city with some friends but. They bailed when we actually got here.” 

Jubilee fell back against the seat, tilting her head back with a sigh. “The professor is gonna kill us.” 

You already knew asking what professor was asking for even more trouble. This seemed like a whole thing. And maybe a little bit beyond you. “Did you travel from far away?” 

Kitty nodded. “Hours. It’ll practically be morning by the time we get home.” 

That was no good. They were too young to be traveling this late at night to go back wherever they came from. Especially with what had just happened to them. “Look. It’s not safe for you to go back out. I don’t think you’re being followed but, it’s possible.” The two of them looked at each other suddenly. Spooked. “Is there somebody you can call- so you can let them know you’re okay? And that you’ll be staying at the Avengers Tower tonight?” 

“We will???” The question came out of both of them. 

You couldn’t help a smile. “If you’d rather a hotel…” 

Jubilee waved her hand. “No way! I’ve heard so many things about that place. I need to go there.” When Kitty elbowed her she slowed down. “I mean- ...we appreciate it. What you’re doing. ...and that you saved us.” 

“You’re welcome. Just. Let me call Tony.” He needed to know about all of this. Especially the whole rounding up enhanced kids in the middle of the night for who knew what reason. This was something you were going to have to deal with immediately. But… first came the girls’ wellbeing. So. With that in mind. You took your phone out and dialed him. 

He’d know what to do about this. Tony always knew what to do. “Still sitting in traffic? I’m starting to think you just don’t wanna come home.” 

“Never.” Assuring him quickly, turning away to hide an amorous smile from the kids in your backseat. Who were staring. “I uh- I picked up a couple of kids-” 

“Date night is getting very weird.” 

“-they were being attacked.”

“Less weird. ...for us, anyway.” 

“You don’t know the half of it.” 

“So what am I missing?” 

“They call themselves mutants.” A very unexpected silence hit the other end of the phone. Even though you weren’t there with him, you could feel it. Tony was thinking. About something. And when he took a little too long, “Tony?” 

“-I’m sorry. Did you say mutants?” 

This made you very uncomfortable. This… was something very telling. “I did. What do you know about this that I don’t?” Clearly something. 

He sighed. “I have to make some calls.” 

“So do they.” 

“I’ll bet. Bring ‘em here. I’ll explain when you get in.” 

You couldn’t help your frown. “Is this something I’m going to be mad about?” 

From his end of the line, you knew he was frowning, too. “I’d like to count my blessings and say no. And I’d also like to not get you wound up.” 

“...but.” 

“Yeah. There’s always a but.” 

You felt his guilt from where you were. Basically like it was raining from the Tower- which you could now see out the window. Approaching fast. “We’ll talk soon.” 

“Sounds good. Hey-” Trying to catch you before you hung up. So you waited. “I love you.” Thankfully this didn’t sound like an admission of guilt. Just… something he thought you should know. 

Thankfully for him, you did. “I love you, too. Whatever this is we’ll deal with it.” 

“We always do.” Understatement of the century. 

 Your anniversary was five days away. Hopefully this wasn’t as bad as you were suddenly dreading...

#Tony Stark #Tony Stark x Reader #INY Chapter One Hundred Eighty Four #DareDevil Spoilers

[captainmarvels]

wicked games [20]

Summary: Put back in his place, Tom realizes it’s going to take more than one apology, and many big decisions, for your relationship to continue. Can he do that?

Pairing: CEO!Tom Holland x fem!reader

Word Count: 2278

A/N: We’re back! Thanks for sticking with this series, I know it’s hard when its not consistently updated but it sucks when I work 9-5 :/ anyways, enjoy and let me know what you think! and please don’t ask for updates, ever! xx

masterlist | taglist - add yourself!

When it’s all said and done, what is there left to do? 

When your world’s come crashing down, and you’re left standing with the rubble underneath your feet, what can you do?

Build it back up, using old, charred, broken pieces?

Leave it all behind, and start anew?

Or forget it even existed?

Which one hurts the least?

Tom was still on the edge of the couch, his knuckles white as he gripped his knees.

He was at a loss for words.

As were you. Sort of.

You had an idea of what you wanted to say. But you weren’t sure if this was really the right time to make such important decisions like these. 

Yet, you also knew that if you didn’t, there was no guarantee that you could work this out with Tom later on.

It was truly now or never.

You locked eyes with Tom as he looked up; his gaze was glassy, his cheeks flushed a bright pink as he just looked at you, waiting. Hoping.

Taking a deep breath, you rose from the couch, shaking your head when you saw Tom start to mirror your actions.

“Look. If… if everything you said is true - genuinely true -, and if we’re going to try this again, there have to be ground rules. We can’t let the past repeat itself. Ever. This also does not mean I’m forgiving you. It’s a second chance to do things right.”

Tom nodded in agreement, thinking it best to keep quiet as you spoke.

Taking his silence as a cue to continue, you took another pause for air as you felt your heart start to race.

“No more excessive drinking, no drugs, no more secrets. You can’t keep living like this, especially when you say you want to do better. And you don’t get to decide what I can and cannot see or know anymore, Tom. Not if you want me to stay.”

He nodded again, slowly shifting back on the sofa as you continued.

“No more disappearing. I can’t believe that even has to be a rule, for fucks sake. But seriously - stop. I don’t care if you think it's better for the rest of us if you just run off, because it’s not. And you cannot keep hurting Harrison like that, either.”

Tom nodded once more, sighing as he was reminded once more of the torment he’d put Harrison through over the years. 

“It’d be nice if you learned to be emotionally competent - at least a little. If therapy isn’t your thing, well - just try it, please. It’s the least you could do,” You smiled as Tom rolled his eyes at your words, but he nodded in acknowledgement. 

“Is that all?” He clasped his hands together, leaning forward as you sat down across from him. 

“For now, yes. I’m sure I’m bound to think of more soon enough,”

The small smile on your lips was all he needed for his heart to calm down in that moment.

“There’s one thing I think you should know,” You said quietly. Your gaze had fallen from him, your right hand toying with the bracelets you had on your wrist.

“I’m all ears, darling.”

The pet name made you smile, having missed hearing it all this time, whether you’d admit it or not. 

“If we’re being honest with each other, it’s only fair you hear how the past few weeks have been for me.”

Fuck, was all Tom could think as he felt his breathing falter. 

He knew you had every right to make him feel awful and ashamed of what he did to you; remind him of the pain he caused you - but he didn’t think it would happen after you’d given him this precious sliver of hope. 

“I know Haz and Mary have been talking to you. Hell, I was the one who told them to intervene in the first place. Even after I left, I couldn’t help but make sure someone was watching out for you. I needed to be sure you’d be okay without me.”

Tom’s heart seemed to swell with love and and yet fall flat with despair as he listened to you. He didn’t know if he’d be able to handle what you had left to say.

“Leaving was a rash decision, so abrupt and not planned out, I know, but I also knew that in that moment, nothing good would come of it if I stayed. What we had was unbelievably toxic, and I knew better than to make matters worse by sticking around. The way you treated me was never consistent, and I didn’t know whether to trust anything you said because your actions always seemed to say otherwise.”

Your heart clenched at your words, your eyes stinging as you took in a sharp breath. 

“When I showed up at Maggie’s door, she almost shipped me off back home. We sat right here for hours that day, Maggie doing and saying everything she could possibly think of to convince me to move back in with my parents - even said Vancouver weather would treat me better than you.”

You gave a wry laugh, your throat closing in on itself, “I was crying the entire time; I thought my chest was going to collapse on me because I couldn’t breathe. That day was a fucking nightmare, now that I think about it. These past few weeks have been nothing short of that, and believe me, I would much rather not relive any of it.”

In that moment, all Tom wanted to do was so desperately turn back time and undo everything he had said to you that morning; take back all the pain he caused you, all the frustration and hurt he put you through; just everything. It hurt him to hear how much you suffered after leaving, and it hurt him even more that he had been too stubborn to realize it sooner. 

“There’s really not much else to say… it was just endless days of crying, not sleeping, sleeping too much, not eating, keeping odd hours… Maggie had to hold me the first few nights just so I could sleep for a bit. I’m not telling you all this to make you feel guilty, I just… felt it would be best to clear the air and get everything out before starting over.”

“And that’s what we’re doing? Starting all this… over?” Tom’s voice was barely a whisper, feeling like he didn’t have a right to talk after everything the two of you had shared. 

You leaned back on the couch, toying with your thumbs as you mulled over what he said.

“A second chance. I know everyone would say you don’t deserve one, but it’s my life. It’s between us. You’ve clearly had some sort of epiphany, and while I’m beyond happy to see it, I need to make it painstakingly clear that you are starting from square one. Which means no more contract.”

The wildcard.

He’d honestly forgotten about the contract up until that moment, and he could tell it meant a great deal to you that you two discussed this, together. 

If he was going to live up to his word, now was the moment.

“Done. I’ll void them, burn them, shred them, throw them into the ocean, whatever you want, it’s done.” You were slightly taken aback at how easily the words seem to slip off his tongue, but you could tell from the way he looked at you that he really meant every last word.

“That easy, huh?” You joked, chuckling quietly when you saw Tom’s playful smile.

“I’m doing whatever it takes to show you I’ve changed - whatever you want, I’ll do it.” He said.

“Okay then - with the contract goes all the rules, too. I’m done feeling like a throwaway. I love you, and I feel like things might improve if we get rid of all this bullshit,” You almost choked on your words, every ounce of fear and anxiety coming back as you locked eyes with him.

“Tom I barely know the actual you... and I want to be able to do that without all these caveats. If we’re starting over, I want us to be free of any rules. I just want you.”

As he made his way back to the apartment, Tom couldn’t help but smile in sweet relief. 

While he was awestruck and amazed by the fact that you still loved him - that you still wanted him -, he couldn’t stop thinking about the way you made him feel.

This was truly the first time in a long, long time that Tom actually considered his feelings, and tried to understand them. 

It was also the first time that Tom was with someone because he loved them; free of contracts, rules, everything that forced them together. This was the first relationship Tom wanted to last for as long as he lived; for as long as you called him yours.

He really was all yours.

Completely elated, Tom didn’t realize he had an unannounced guest waiting for him in the kitchen. He almost fell on his ass when he walked in and saw Harrison sitting at the island bar. 

“Bloody hell, do you just not call anymore? Out of courtesy?” Tom threw an orange at Harrison’s head, barely missing him as he moved out of the way.

“When you give your best friend a key, what’d you expect, mate?” Harrison laughed as Tom rolled his eyes, setting his briefcase on the counter before grabbing a glass off the drying rack, filling it with water.

“So, to what do I owe this surprise visit?” 

“Heard you talked to Mary yesterday. When you weren’t answering my texts or calls, I figured you’d finally grown a pair and gone to talk with Y/N.”

Tom flashed his middle finger in response while taking a large sip from his glass.

“Anyways, I thought it’d be a nice best friend move to be here - literally - for you if you needed anythin’, but you clearly seem to be doing just fine.”

Tom chuckled wryly, smiling cheekily as he moved to the sink and rinsed off the glass.

“Better than fine, mate. I’m fuckin’ ecstatic!” Harrison grinned, clapping a hand on Tom’s back as he sat next to him.

“So I take it the talk went well, then?”

“God no, it was awful. In the beginning, at least. I talked way too much, and I’m pretty sure none of it made any sense. And then she talked, I listened. Can you believe that? I missed hearing her voice so much, I’m sure I was hung on every word she spoke. Anyways, she said she’s giving me a second chance; a fresh start, if you will.”

Harrison’s smile faltered just a bit, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked at Tom.

“And what exactly will this second chance… entail, if I might ask?”

“No contract. No rules. And I’m starting from square one, which I think means I have to ‘win’ her over, again. Not that I should have any issues with that,”

“Mate, I hope you’re taking this seriously. Even if she did forgive you and is giving you another chance doesn’t mean you should take things lightly-”

“I’m not taking anything lightly, Harrison!” Tom hit him in the arm, scoffing at the idea his best friend was airing out. “And if you must know, she didn’t forgive me. That’s what this whole second chance thing is for - for me to prove to her that I’ve changed, that nothing will be like it was before, and to earn her forgiveness. I’m not taking any of this lightly, okay? I love her, and I’m not stupid enough to risk losing her again, forever.”

Tom felt the familiar sting of tears in his eyes, and as he locked onto Harrison’s, he couldn’t stop the few that trickled down his cheek. Harrison smiled weakly, resting a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“She loves you, Tom. And you love her. Not to be an utter cheeseball right now, but if you show her how important she is to you; how much you care, I don’t think there’s any way she’d leave again. But you have to give like, a thousand percent, mate.”

“I know, I know,” Tom said, sighing exasperatedly as he rested his head in the palms of his hands. “I’m still scared, is all. I just feel… like, somehow, I’m going to ruin everything again. And that terrifies me,”

“Well don’t forget you still have me; you know I’ll always be here to help you.”

The pair smiled at each other as a city silence fell between them, the sounds of cars honking, dogs barking, and boat horns ringing the only thing they could distantly make out.

Tom cleared his throat and downed the last of his water, placing the glass on the counter before beginning to undo his tie.

“Did anything else happen afterwards? Or was that the gist of the conversation?”

Harrison leaned back in his chair as Tom got up from his seat and made his way to the sink.

“After the whole second chance stuff and the contract, I was afraid to ask about… well, if she was, you know… coming back,” Tom turned on the faucet, the cool water running down his hand as he began rinsing his glass.

“Did you ask?” Tom nodded. “And what’d she say?”

He shut off the water, grabbing a towel off the counter to dry the glass. 

“She said she would, under one condition.” The look on Tom’s face was one of fear and anticipation, all mixed together.

“We have to share the same bedroom.”

tags - part 1

@cherrynat @anytimebitches @joyfullyje @jobean12-blog @emotchalla @enigma-xlii @illletitgrow @cloverrover @lovelyttom @justaveryobsessedfangirl @ssweet-empowerment @killmongerdreams @spideytrxsh @eyestheyseeyou @aussie-mantle @spidergirlwanab @i-think-i-am-adorable @amanda51015-blog @princessskylarsblog @whoneedsalifeanyhowxx @chinalois @clairesrainbow @darkerthanspace @slighttinsomniac @curlytomholland @wanderlustomaha @hollandazing @mendes-marvel @wowspideyholland

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #ceo!tom holland #tom holland x reader fluff #tom holland x reader smut #tom holland fic #wicked games #wg

[dearlazerbunny]

Lie to Me (Ch. 25 of 27)

(Sorry I couldn’t count my chapterssss)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 2100

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

SHOUTOUT TO @molmcb and @jessiejunebug, who will get 20% royalties each on my first novel that I will never write

Requested Tags: @deraniel, @iamverity,  @yasnooshka24, @wegingerangelica, @themusingsofmany , @dark-night-sky-99, @tarynkauai, @stuffandstuff-stuff, @angelicshinigami, @my-current-fandom-is, @geekysimmerthings,           @lokis-butter-knife, @help-i-need-a-social-life, @vodka-and-some-sass

While being mortal is a fascinating experiment in the short term, Loki would not generally recommend it as a whole.

He feels much more vulnerable, in a way that has nothing to do with him sitting powerless in a cell. Now, his blood is much more easily spilled; his bones more easily broken. It is harder to dull the sudden aches that flare up for no apparent reason at all, and while magic soothes the troubleshooting somewhat, he can’t deny that there’s something.. missing. Nothing tangible or concisely identifiable, but incredibly distracting nonetheless.

His magic is another matter. Frigga has been visiting him for months, on and off, and each time he expects her to begin the process that will ultimately be much more damning to him than mortality. His magic is all he has sometimes, that and his sharp tongue. It is singularly his, and while they may bind his wrists and throw away the key, it will still thrum through his veins with a purr, content to be him and it and it and him.

He expected her to be hesitant, but never to defy Odin altogether. So when she comes to fetch him one day and undoes his manacles with a snap, and green sparks race to heal the raw skin on his wrists, he raises a wary eyebrow at her. “Correct me if I am mistaken, but I believe this is supposed to be gone?”

Frigga graces him with a rare smile that speaks of trouble- if he didn’t know better, he would say his habitual smirk was learned from hers. “You are not mistaken. But what mother would I be to rob my son of his pride and joy?” Her fingers brush an unruly lock of hair from Loki’s forehead. “But, your father will not be denied. At least, not so obviously. Do you trust me?”

“Infinitely.”

“Then stay still.” Her hand to the side of his face, she murmurs an enchantment that washes over his whole body like honey- viscous and stifling. Only her voice keeps him from panicking, and when she’s done, he takes a breath. Frigga hasn’t taken his magic, only… repressed it. It’s a bit like being in hiding. He can still feel his power, only now it remains curled up sluggishly in the deepest parts of his bones. “We both know that the magical arts are not Odin’s strength. This spell should hold for long enough.”

Loki flexes his fingers, his body awash in so many new sensations. “Long enough for what, precisely?”

As it turns out, long enough for the most casual jailbreak Loki has ever been apart of.

Frigga leads him where he never again thought he’d go- out. Up into the castle proper, where the air isn’t stale and the sunlight is filtering through the window. To his amazement, nobody turns their head as they walk side by side through the halls, then the gardens, and out the gates, eventually leaving not only the palace but the whole of Asgard behind, fading into the background.

Crossing the bridge is a strange sort of anxiety. The cracks underneath his feet have long since been mended, but spiderweb fractures remain embedded in his very bones. Old memories fade in and out of existence right in front of him, teasing his brain down paths he doesn’t want to follow- the past holds little more than anger and regret.

Caught up in his thoughts, Loki doesn’t notice when his mother stills. Thor has met them at the edge, and just beyond him Heimdall watches with a stony gaze. Confused, he glances around. “Mother?”

“It has come to Odin’s attention,” she says, “that your remaining on Asgard is a liability to its people.”

Loki arches an eyebrow. “Indeed.”

“And so, he has remedied his previous decree. You are to be banished to Midgard for the remainder of your time as a mortal, and without your magic.”

Time seems to slow. Too many fragile hopes are leaping over themselves for his attention, threatening to topple what little composure he has. “And Odin… agreed to this?”

“It took some doing,” she admits, lips pressed in a thin line. “Your brother and I have not been idle in the previous months.” Thor nods, arms crossed and eyes on the horizon for any unwelcome approachers.

“I-” for once, words fail. What can be said to those who have essentially given you a second chance at life?

Frigga smiles. She can hear what he’s not saying. Carefully, reverently, she presses her palm to his cheek, in a gesture only used by a mother who would do anything for her child. “As I said, my son,” she says softly. “You deserve all the happiness this life may afford you.”

Happiness. Such a foreign concept. Happiness is held in his Witling’s smile, her laugh, the way she looks at him as though she’s never seen a monster in his face-

I want you to come back. Please. If you can.

It turns out he’d lied to you after all.

“Thor will escort you.” A fond thumb is graced against his cheekbone, and then he’s released. “And I trust you will find Y/N and tell her all that you have yet to say.”

Loki wants to argue a million points- how they possibly could have managed to convince Odin to simply let him walk away; how she expects to keep his still-present magic a secret- but his curiosity is tempered by the sheer thought of you. You, in his arms; you, no longer separated from him by glass or pain or stubbornness-

The colors of the Bifrost have never looked brighter as they swirl around his fingertips.

                                                          XXX

He was not particularly expecting a warm welcome from SHIELD- perhaps some cushioned lining around newly-soldered handcuffs- but to his surprise, only the droll man with the eyepatch and Stark are there to greet him when Thor informs them of their arrival on Earth. Infuriating as Stark may be, after so long with nothing but his own company, his glare is almost a welcome change. “So. The prodigal sinner returns.”

“The pleasure is all mine Stark, I assure you.” Loki treats him to one of his smirks, though inwardly he’s already dreading the derision almost certainly headed his way.

“Gentleman, if we could all stand to be civil for more than seven seconds, this will all go a lot smoother.” Fury seems unruffled standing in front of his former most wanted. “Let me get one thing clear- I am not particularly happy about this. Organizations I’ve never even heard of are crawling out of the woodwork to tell me I’m crazy. But,” he sighs heavily, deep lines etched on his face, “as it turns out, we need you.”

Never one to mince words, the director. Loki raises a delicate eyebrow. “Need me for what, exactly?”

“We’ve acquired another magic user in your absence.” Stark snorts, apparently disagreeing with that description, and Fury silences him with a glare. “Well. Some sort of energy. She’s incredibly volatile, moody, and hates Stark with a passion.” There’s a minute shrug under his leather jacket. “Figured the two of you would get along well.”

“Joy,” Stark deadpans. “As if I don’t have enough people who want to blow my brains out. Now you’re going to teach her how to do it more effectively.”

“At least this way, if she murders you, she’ll be doing it on purpose and not by accident,” he replies smoothly, his attention never leaving Loki. “What do you say?”

Loki glances at his brother, and then suppresses an eye roll when Thor gives a classic I dunno, I’m just here to hit stuff gesture. “Well. I suppose I do not have much of a choice.”

“No, you don’t. Glad we could come to an agreement. Thor, if you’ll follow me. We need to make sure thee wont be any… repercussions, from Asgard.” Fury nods once, briefly, before taking his leave. “Welcome to the team.”

Loki’s eyes widen, just a bit. Stranger and stranger this day becomes.

Once they’re alone, the engineer turns back to his project, fiddling with wires exuding faint blue light. “So, where’s your guardian angel? I would have thought she’d be nipping at your heels.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your mini-me. Your not-so-secret-admirer. Your groupie. Your devotee-”

“I would stop there, Stark,” Loki growls.

“Can’t say I’m wrong.” Two wires come together with a spark. “So?”

“I am not sure.”

“Really? So you mean you weren’t the one who told her to rip us all a new one?”

Loki sighs. Mortals and their inane languages. “I assure you, as with most things that fall from your mouth, I haven’t the faintest idea what you speak of.”

“J, play back the recording.” Something warm floods his system at hearing your voice, clearer than its been in a year, even over a recording. Though you sound angry, even more livid than that day in his cell-

“Have none of you, not a single one, ever fucked up because you were hurting? Because it all just became too much?”

“She even made Captain Tightpants sit down, and let me tell you, that’s hard to do.”

This ‘Avengers Initiative’ is one big shot at forgiveness for all of you. Why doesn’t Loki deserve that same chance?”

“What prompted this?” Loki asks, bewildered.

“Oh, the day you left, we took her in because we thought you whammied her brain on that little rescue mission.”

“Loki’s never had a friend, not really. But I’m his friend. And I forgive him. And I gave him the second chance he deserves.”

Oh, love. “I hope you do not expect me to apologize for her.”

“Right.” Stark points a bit of machinery at him without looking in his direction. “Also, if you even think for a second you’re living in my tower-”

“I would not live in that monstrosity if it were shelter from a sandstorm, Stark, fear not.”

I’m here, love. I’m coming. I swear.

A/N: The new Addams family movie is awesome so here’s a celebration chapter. Also only TWO MORE CHAPTERS TO GO PEOPLE well one chapter and an epilogue but whatever technicalities 

#loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki fluff #loki angst #loki imagines #loki x reader #loki x you #reader insert #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #Thor Odinson #clint barton #tony stark #natasha romanov #Steve Rogers #bruce banner #odin’s a+ parenting #odin #frigga #nicknames #nick fury #maria hill #lie to me #dont lie to me

[madiwhitethewriter]

Disclaimer: 18+ content featuring suicide

I lost my best friend many years ago. Jason. He was 5 years older than me. He was my big brother, my best friend, my attempted boyfriend, my protector.

He and I had such a rocky relationship. He was not a well person. He was abused as a child. I don’t know the details and I never asked. He never wanted to talk about it.

He was the guy you always wanted to be with at the party, the one who would always make me laugh. He knew before anyone when I needed a hug. But he also had the lowest of lows.

He attempted suicide three times before. And at other times he would find trouble down alleys and start fights just for the hell of it. I would go to his place and find it completely wrecked. Usually there would be holes in the walls or his bathroom mirror would be broken with blood on it. I would wait for him in his place and be there and ready for whichever Jason came home that night. His world would be slowly falling apart and he would start this riot and cause chaos in his life and there was no stopping it. He would not take any medication and he would not go to therapy.

I was his rock for many years and I loved him. He was my first love. And nothing will ever change that. But there was a point where I couldn’t be a rock for anyone because I was also breaking. I didn’t have the strength for anyone but myself.

So I did the only thing I could do and distanced myself from him. I changed my number and blocked him on social media and said my goodbyes. He could get in touch with my cousin if there was an emergency.

But I couldn’t do the texts everyday asking me what he should do, the calls at 3 am asking me to come pick him up on the side of the road in cities a couple hours from where he lived, the kick back from him whenever I tried to really help. I just couldn’t do the manipulation.

He knew I loved him. I knew he loved me, in his own way. But he was too broken to love someone in that way because he had no self love. The day I told him what I needed to do, and told him I had to say goodbye, he tried to commit suicide for the third time. He took so many pills the doctors weren’t sure if pumping his stomach would work. He wrote on his arm “don’t leave me”. I knew the message was meant for me...

When I was sure he would recover, I left and followed through on my promise. I couldn’t do it anymore. You have to know, the first time he attempted suicide, I was 15 years old. I wasn’t mentally or emotionally equipped to deal with that.

There was one day, about six months after that, I received a call from my cousin... which turned out to be Jason. He told me he was all better, he was on medication, he was going to group meetings for anger management... etc. He sounded so sincere. I wanted to believe him. But he said these words so many times before that I couldn’t know for sure. I didn’t trust my instincts around him. But I gave a little, I allowed him to have my number. But he would only be able to use it for emergencies.

Some more time passed. He respected my wishes.

Then one day something happened.

I remember exactly what I was doing because I was in a job interview. I could feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. Over and over. I ignored it of course. There was ten missed calls from Jason and twice as many texts. But the texts were vague. He was saying things like, “ I miss you” “I wish we could speak” “I want you to see my new furniture...” ~~ things like that. Just like a running line of consciousness.

I texted back, “are you ok?”

He answered back, “yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

I said, “ we agreed you would only contact me on this number if there was an emergency, is there an emergency?”

He replied, “No.”

The weekend passed by in a blur, I got the job, I was at my weekend job both Saturday and Sunday, Monday I was starting at the new job.

The first day was a busy day of training and working and I wasn’t about to look at my phone every time it buzzed.

On my lunch hour I saw that Jason had tried to call me 18 times. No texts.

I called him back but he didn’t answer. I called him back two more times. No answer. Straight to voicemail. I figured his phone had died. He never would charge the thing. But I was worried.

That night I was out with a buddy of mine to celebrate my new job. He knew Jason from other people and from some of the stories I had told him. I filled him in and he told me to try calling again.

It rang that time and I was able to leave a voicemail. Still no answer after an hour. I convinced my friend to take me to Jason’s apartment. I tried calling again and heard his phone from inside. We knocked on the door over and over. I got his hidden key and let myself in.

I called him. No answer. The kitchen was a mess, but empty. The living room looked like someone had trashed it, but it was also empty. I rounded the corner into his bedroom and found him.

I will never forget the sight of him. He was hanging from the stupid carabiner in the ceiling with an orange extension chord wrapped around his neck.

It’s not like in the movies, where the people spring into action to cut the person down. They make it look so easy. There is magically a really sharp knife for them to easily cut through rope that’s always at breaking point. There is always someone in the scene with a hero complex that is equally strong enough to hold the dead weight of someone.

It didn’t settle in what I was looking at. I wished I could have just sprang into action. I wish I was strong enough to cut the chord or hold him up while my friend cut him down.

Have you ever tried cutting through a thick chord? Have you ever scene someone’s eyes when they have been strangled to death?

Red marks around the eyes–medically known as petechiae form.

It wasn’t until I saw his eyes that the realization hit me that he needed our help.

I yelled at my friend to call 9-1-1. And he entered the room and was on the phone in an instant.

I remembered trying to get chair back up under his feet to try to get something underneath him for him to stand on.

I think I knew at that moment that he was dead. But my rational brain had left and whatever was left was trying to come up with a logical solution to fix this problem.

My memories after that are fragmented.

At some point, my friend was pulling me away from Jason’s body. And I was trying to untie the rope, but it was too tight.

I remember yelling at him to do something. To help me. Then I just remember being on the floor and feeling numb.

I don’t know how much time passed, but then there were police in the apartment and I remember their shoes. I was sitting on the floor, and looking at two sets of shoes. One shoe was undone.

I remembered the shoes walked away and only one returned. Then hands appeared. I looked up then. The mans eyes were warm and kind, and I remembered Jason’s eyes. Empty.

The officer said something like “don’t look at him, look at me...” he just kept talking. He got me up off the floor, pulling a blanket around me.

I tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let me go. He just kept pulling me. I tried to wrench my hands away from him. Then there was another pair of hands on my shoulders from behind trying to push me from the room.

The officer told me to calm down and said “ we have to cut the body down”.

*the body*

Of course, he needs to be brought down. His eyes need to be closed. My other friend was nowhere to be found.

The officer sat me down on the couch, making sure there wasn’t any broken glass on the floor that would cut my feet. I didn’t even notice the kitchen and living room floor was covered in shattered glass pieces.

There was one of his hoodies on the couch beside me, I gathered the sweater up to my nose and layer down on the couch.

There was paramedics in the apartment. The police were in and out, I think they tried to talk to me. But the words “in shock” were floating around me. Then there were these other guys in the room taking Jason away on a gurney in a body bag.

Then suddenly I was beside him before they left. I don’t remember standing or pushing anyone out of my way. I demanded to see him before they left. They had to tell me that he wouldn’t look any different than when he was hanging. I didn’t care. I just wanted to see him.

His eyes were closed the second time. Thank God his eyes were closed. Then he was being taken away and suddenly I was in the nice officers car and he was asking for my address.

I couldn’t answer and then I woke up in a hospital.

~

I was filled in on some of those details of my actions after the fact. A lot of it I don’t actually remember, but when the officers were asking what happened the next day they told me what I was doing. And the reasons why.

I apologized to them for my actions. They just patted my foot and said no apology necessary.

It wasn’t until after Jason’s death was ruled a suicide that they told me the details of his death.

He was heavily intoxicated. I was the last person he had called before he hung himself. The chair that he had used was intentionally kicked away across the room which is why the police didn’t rule it anything other than a suicide. And he also didn’t try to pull the chord away from his neck, otherwise there would be evidence of that on his fingers and fingernails.

~

If only I had answered the fucking phone!!!

M

#madigetspersonal #madiwhitethewriter #suicideawareness #mentalheathawareness #depression #anger #child abuse #alcholism #trauma #recovery #suicide