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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 3 years

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Some more books

Post: #19

Date: Monday— January 16, 2021

Time: 1:27 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: books

Mood: lazy, melancholy, blank, sleepy

Hello / Yá’áh’tééh everyone 💗

I have yet to read these but here are some books my best friend and boyfriend bought for me over the late summer last year. I haven’t been motivated to do much reading and I LOVE BOOKS, so I’m a bit saddened by the fact that I don’t feel excitement thinking about reading rn. Anyway, I know these will be wonderful reads. Enjoy.

-p.s. my Chi’s Sweet Home collection is now complete ✨ any other manga suggestions that are similar to this series PLSSS let me know.

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 3 years

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Photos pt. II

Post: #18

Date: Monday— November 30, 2020

Time: 6:01 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: pictures on my phone pt. 2

Mood: loving, calm

Yá’áh’tééh loves.

Here are some random pictures from my phone, some are old, some are new. Enjoy.

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 3 years

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Communication.

Post: #17

Date: Monday— November 30, 2020

Time: 5:46 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: progress in my mental health

Mood: relieved, accepted, loved, better

I don’t talk about my personal life much on social media anymore, which to me is both good and bad. It’s good because not everyone deserves to know my business, my feelings, my struggles, and my thoughts. It’s bad because I feel like when I stay quiet and keep to myself, I’m not being the mental health advocate I want to be. I also developed an unhealthy coping mechanism of avoiding to talk about things openly with people I love and trust. That’s not me. With this being said, I just wanted to share this about last night. It felt groundbreaking for myself and my spouse, and it was a wonderful feeling of relief and acceptance. It took courage to open up about certain topics and take responsibility for past actions and current attitudes. We discussed a lot betwixt one another and it honestly makes me melt knowing my heart chose such an amazing man to be my partner until the end of my life. It soothes my worries and fear knowing I have someone so perfectly imperfect by my side, and I forgot how easy it was to communicate with him on deeper levels. Love is special and strong, so express your feelings of admiration daily with passion, learn to accept and forgive, and remind yourself to openly communicate with loved ones and God, or whoever you put your faith in. I’m still dealing with an overwhelming amount of pain, anxiety, anger, laziness, and grief but talking about it all with my significant other makes life bearable. Never NOT speak up. You aren’t alone and people do love you. ❤️ Stay safe, wash your hands, and wear your mask.

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 3 years

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Mental Health Update

Post: #16

Date: Monday— November 16, 2020

Time: 7:55 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: my mental health @ the end of 2020

Mood: melancholy, hopeful

looking at these pictures brings back bittersweet memories.

at this point of my life i was healthy, happy, and unknowingly carrying my baby in my womb.

i had a job, which i both loved and loathed.

i was doing a bit of traveling and i was the skinniest i’ve ever been since 8th grade.

my life was easy.

fast forward to now...

my son is busy learning and growing and throwing temper tantrums.

my boyfriend and i have been living together and i’m even more clingy than when we were in a ldr.

everyday i have lingering headaches and i can’t seem to find out why.

i’m reteaching myself how to use a sewing machine and to become more resourceful.

i sleep for hours on end yet still feel exhausted and sick to my stomach.

my hair is covered in dandruff and measly white curly hairs and it has gotten thinner and has been falling out more.

i’m overweight, i’m actually considered to be obese by medical professionals.

i’m grieving and facing what seems like to be an endless road of depression in silence.

i cry almost everyday, sad tears.

my doctor who’s been my primary care provider for years, who i have grown to love so dearly, has left the hospital and moved out of state.

the cold weather is here and my mom gave me 2 house plants to care for.

my books have grown lonely and the only company they have are the dust bunnies i haven’t bothered to clean in months.

i’m living through a fucking pandemic and people i love are dying.

this year sucks and all that’s left to do is power through it and use this pain as strength.

i’m starting to

✿ drink more water,

✿ go outside often,

✿ be more active,

✿ create a bond w my new therapist,

✿ yell less,

✿ talk more,

✿ & put my phone down more often.

i’m tired of being tired.

i miss living.

#personal #pillowtalk #emotional #mental health #mental health awareness #indigenous #late night thoughts #life update #wishful thinking #life #2020 #feels #indigenous mental health matters #the feels #tbh #honesty hour #personal blog

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 4 years

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Late Night Thotz

Post: #15

Date: Tuesday— April 28, 2020

Time: 11:49 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: Late night rambling about the past

Mood: sleepy, calm, nauseous, full

Currently listening to: Phantogram- Into Happiness

Do you ever lay in bed and just wonder... how did I get here? You think back on your past and all of the things you’ve done. You remember all the good memories as well as the bad. All of the mistakes you made and the better choices you knew you should have made instead... and it all led you to where you are now. Are you happy? Are you content with life? I think back and I know I’m so content with my life and where I am right now. I know I’ve made my share of shitty decisions, I’ve dealt with awful things, and even treated others the way they were treating me... which wasn’t good. I just hate how much my past still hurts me. Is that normal? I still let my past have an effect on my feelings and a lot of my choices and my story up to now leaves me feeling upset and sad. I try not to overthink it but I always do. Don’t get me wrong, I am so in love with being a mother and a girlfriend, those are my titles as of present day... but sometimes it just hurts looking way back to my pre-teen and high school years. If I could go back to make the right choices and patch up the brokenness, but to return back to now... I would. Would you?

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 4 years

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Poetry

Post: #14

Date: Monday— April 13, 2020

Time: 8:12 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: Love Poem No. 1

Mood: chill, calm, sleepy, happy

quietly reading your every move as I feel the flutters of butterflies in my stomach

you glance at me with pearly whites and my heart melts and drips into my fingertips

your long dark brown hair fixed ever so neatly shows your sculpted face and eyes

your heart is my home and i can’t help but to drink your love until the tiniest sips.

you leave me forever feeling filled with feelings of fulfillment and fuzziness

i cater to your every wish and i am a penguin in comparison to a dog or cat

i am yours every time through the ugly darkness and bright moments of bliss

pets are loyal and penguins mate for life, i am both. for you, i am exactly that.

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 4 years

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COVID-19 feat. PLUR

Post: #13

Date: Thursday— April 9, 2020

Time: 11:11 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: PLUR

Mood: full, sleepy, exhausted, chill, content

As I have mentioned on my previous post, I’m doing my best to stay on top of this blog and post more content so this will be a little bit about PLUR. I feel like we could use a lot of PLUR vibes at this time during the COVID-19 pandemic.

I know a lot of you may not know the meaning of PLUR or where it comes from but this is what I have learned from being apart of the EDM scene for a few years.

PLUR originated in the rave scene years ago, and each letter stands for a different meaning, and together you get “plur.”

❀ P — Peace

❀ L — Love

❀ U — Unity

❀ R — Respect

All of the words are pretty self-explanatory but I feel like the aspect of PLUR is what truly got me into raving and of course not everyone really understands it, and that is okay. There are still a lot of people who are truly against raving because they have preexisting assumptions about what actually happens at raves and festivals. Let me just tell you, not everyone attends events just to go haywire on drugs and/or alcohol, and if they do then that’s their own business and it is in the PLUR code to not judge others. I personally never was under the influence when I’d attend EDM fests and I never once made a big deal about someone who was, because that is their choice, not mine. It’s all about being PLUR.

Anyway, I feel like the world is missing a lot of peace, love, unity, and respect at this time. I felt like sharing some with all of you so we can remember that we are all human and we are capable of surviving this pandemic.

❀ Peace. What does peace mean to me?

To me, peace means being fully content with yourself and others. It means to forgive and learn from the pain, mistakes, and bad choices. Peace means to find love within your heart and your mind, to always fall back on yourself and trust that everything really is okay.

✩ During this time, finding peace may be extremely difficult and it’s okay to be scared and unsure, this is an entirely new virus we are dealing with and everything from the quarantine to the numbers of cases and deaths are worrying and scary. Use this time to listen to the CDC and socially distance yourself from others and focus on self care and meditating of some type. Find new hobbies to do, write a letter or two, read a new or old book, or try something new. Slowly move away from the fearfulness and move toward finding your inner peace. We are all in the same boat and we can be alone together.

❀ Love. What does love mean to me?

To me, love means to feel passion so intensely, that it radiates within your body and takes over your soul as well. It means you find your one bright & warm sparkle in this world full of billions of duller sparkles and you feel happy, scared, confused, and amazing all at once. Love is wanting to always protect and remain loyal until you leave this lifetime.

✩ During this time, you may feel every other emotion other than love. It’s hard to find love when there are crazy people out there making this pandemic an even scarier experience. It’s unsettling seeing stores with empty shelves from panic buyers, elderly scared to leave their homes to find groceries and basic necessities, and people not listening to CDC guidelines and still out and about not caring. Use this time to reteach yourself to love yourself and focus on spreading love to others from home. You have a lot to offer, sending a random, thoughtful text to family and close friends goes a long way. There are others who are in deep holes right now and just showing some compassion and sharing the love by kindly reminding them to wash their hands and stay home as much as possible over text shows you care about them and love them.

❀ Unity. What does unity mean to me?

To me, unity means to come together despite everyone’s differences. It means to be accepting of others and yourself and be a team to achieve whatever the goal is, whether it’s a group project or a happier environment. Unity means to remain judgement-free, show support, and always be courteous and mindful.

✩ During this time, you may not understand how unity plays a role in our lives when we are all being forced to stay home for our health and safety... but this is the biggest time where we can all depend on unity to help us get through this virus. We can all come together, online and of course in spirit, to be there for one another and be each other’s support. We are all hurting and being affected by this pandemic and it means so much knowing you have billions of people who are supportive and there for you. As a non-essential SAHM, Daddy is our essential worker from our household and I know it means a lot to him knowing we all are supportive of him from a distance because we need him. All of our essential workers need us all to be their backbone as we continue to come together, online or in spirit, to help in any way that we possibly can. We need you, they need us, we really are all one.

❀ Respect. What does respect mean to me?

To me, respect means to treat others the way you would like to be treated. It means to hold a greater character from your standard mindset and demeanor and show common courtesy. Respect means to always be open minded and treat others and yourself like a temple, there is no room to desecrate or belittle others or yourself, ever.

✩ During this time, respect is very important to just about everything and everyone. First and foremost, the CDC deserves respect for providing the public with simple and life-saving guidelines during this pandemic. You can show them respect simply by listening to their suggestions to protect yourselves and others. The government deserves respect, even if you disagree with them, because they are backing up the CDC and doing everything they can to protect us as citizens from the COVID-19. The essential workers from health care workers, truck drivers, janitors, automotive technicians, coal miners, grocery store employees, news anchors, police officers, first responders, veterinarians, fast food employees, etc. all deserve a huge amount of respect, support, and everything above. They are risking their lives to help keep the world running and of course helping us all against the fight with the coronavirus. Our elders, pregnant women, infants, and others who are health-compromised deserve our respect and we can show that simply by checking on them by phone calls or texts and protecting them by staying home, and practicing good hygiene. Mother Earth deserves respect for surviving through this virus and of course through everyday life. She has survived from natural disasters, pollution, deforestation, fires, etc. and she always deserves our respect and protection. Last but not least, you. You deserve respect and you can respect yourself during this time by following all guidelines from the CDC and your local government.

Stay home, avoid large crowds, wash your hands, avoid touching your face, and please educate yourself on the COVID-19 symptoms and do not panic. We are all in this together and we will survive it. Keep it PLUR loves. Goodnight. ❤️

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 4 years

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Motherhood pt. II

Post: #12

Date: Monday— April 6, 2020

Time: 5:47 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: Update on Motherhood

Mood: chill, bored, exhausted, hot, sleepy

Yá’áh’tééh lovely flowers. 🌹

I just thought I’d give y’all an update on motherhood since baby melon is now 13 months old!! Time sure flew since my last entry. So let’s just dive in.

🍉 Developmental milestones: He is doing AMAZING. He loves zipping around with his baby walkers, crawling up and down the hallway, and he is standing on his own! He’s almost ready to start walking! Daddy is more anxious for him to start walking than I am. This baby sure can EAT! He eats so much food and loves a variety of foods. He loves books, playing with all of his toys, taking baths, brushing his teeth, and spending majority of his time w Daddy and I. He is saying “dada,” “mama,” “papa,” “nana,” “lala,” “again,” & “yeah.” Baby Melon is so smart and advanced in his milestones and we are so proud of him.

🍉 Physical milestones: He is a little on the smaller size for his age. His weight gain has not been the best but he is healthy and happy nonetheless. We just are keeping a closer eye on his weight and definitely doing more to encourage him to consume more calories even though he does eat a LOT of food.

🍉 Breastfeeding: We are currently 13 months strong on breastfeeding! Yay! My goal is to reach at LEAST 18 months breastfeeding him and we are 5 months away from reaching that. It’s been quiet a journey and we both love the bond this has given us as mother and baby. Times get tough when a lot of people are discouraging breastfeeding and pushing whole milk and the concept of weening him off, but we do what is best for him and I and we are continuing to nurse despite what people are saying. Since the COVID-19 outbreak, we don’t even worry about feeding in public anymore so that problem is temporarily resolved. Overall, breastfeeding is going beautifully for us.

🍉 Sleeping: We are actively co-sleeping, Daddy, Baby, & myself. It works perfect for us and we keep it safe. We have been co-sleeping with baby since he turned 6 months old and outgrew his swaddling stage. He sleeps better next to us in bed and it’s much more convenient for me when it comes to nursing him in the early morning. He is sleeping for about 4-5 hour stretches now and starts waking up at 9:30 for the day... he is an early bird!

🍉 Random stuffs:

❥ He has tons of nicknames now.

❥ He loves music and he dances!

❥ He has 8 teeth (chomp chomp !!)

❥ He hates car rides but doesn’t mind them when he takes a nap.

❥ He snores like Daddy and I.

❥ His 1st Birthday was fun and a baby shark theme.

❥ He is a mama’s boy.

❥ He is a huge cuddle bug.

❥ His favorite toys sleep on the bed w us in the upper corner so he can play w them in the morning.

❥ He loves looking at our phones, the Nintendo Switch, and his tablet to play games or watch things on the screen.

❥ He prefers string cheese, baby gold fish, and grapes as a snackie.

❥ He has 2 nap times (2-4 pm and 7-8 pm).

❥ He loves animals !!

❥ He fights his sleep on weekends just to hang out late at night w Daddy and I.

❥ He cries A LOT more now than when he was a baby.

❥ He loves hanging out with Daddy and listening to him play the guitar.

❥ He loves to give kisses at the most inconvenient times.

❥ He hates getting his nose cleaned.

❥ His attitude is brattier now than when he was a baby.

❥ He prefers to eat in his baby chair rather than on the couch.

❥ His fingernails and toenails grow soooo fast.

❥ His bath water is usually gray or brown by the time he is done bathing.

❥ He bites really hard !!

❥ He is by far the most adorable, handsome, perfect little baby I have ever seen.

❥ He is surrounded by love and safety, always.

❥ Daddy and I love him so much.

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 4 years

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Photos

Post: #11

Date: Wednesday— April 1, 2020

Time: 11:00 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: Pictures On My Phone

Mood: full, content, sleepy, under the weather

Currently listening to: baby’s breathing & snores in bed <3

Yá’áh’tééh. I just felt like doing a quick entry of some of the photos I have on my phone. Be safe, wash your hands, stay inside, find things to do, and have a good night. Enjoy.

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 4 years

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Recycled IG Post / Hello Again

Post: #10

Date: Wednesday— April 1, 2020

Time: 6:11 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: Recycled IG Post

Mood: chill, content, under the weather

Currently listening to: Sirius Radio XM Pitbull channel

Olleh everyone. Long time no see. Agaiiiin, I completely forgot I had this account. I remember I started blogging and really enjoyed it. Life just gets so busy and you forget about little hobbies such as this that make you happy.

With how the world is right now, dealing with the outbreak of COVID-19 and being in quarantine under strict social distancing rules and reminded about hygiene, I decided I want to give blogging a try again. I miss it and always find happiness in writing, even if I have no true readers yet, it is still something I want to do. So here is a recycled Instagram post from a week ago but I will be sure to write more later. Much love to the 3 followers that I have, I see you. 💕

IG post:

I just wanted to shine some light on some of my favorite books from my small collection that I enjoyed reading & rereading for those of you who are bookworms such as myself and find yourself having extra time now.

In no specific order:

🌿 Braiding Sweetgrass

🌸 Note To Self

🌱 Speak

🌹 The Believing Brain

🌵 The Body Sacred

🌻 Code Talker

🍃 The Mama Natural

💐 Elements of Witchcraft

🌴 Sacred Motherhood

🌺 Healing Secrets of The Native Americans

🍀 Chi’s Sweet Home series

🌼 The Body Is Not An Apology

🌲 Scary Stories series

🍁 The Animal Dialogues

🌳 The Fault In Our Stars

🥀 The Bell Jar

☘️ The Beginners Guide to Wicca

🌾 Native Heart

If you guys have any book suggestions please let me know, I’d love to add to my collection soon and of course to my favorites list. Continue washing your hands, sanitizing your home & vehicle, practicing self care, and sending positive vibes to those who need it. 💕

#personal blog #personal #honest opinion #books #book suggestions #suggestions #quarantine life #read #bookworm #literature #good reads #bookstack

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 4 years

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My apologies

Post: #9

Date: Monday— November 4, 2019

Time: 10:20 PM Mtn Standard (I think)

Topic: Apologizing

Mood: cold, sick, sleepy, calm, sad

Currently listening to: The Story So Far

Hello lovelies.

I wanted to apologize for my absence on here. My phone has been out now for about a month I believe and everyday life got the best of me. I want to keep this account active and will do my best to keep that promise. As you know, I am a stay at home mom (SAHM) and I have been fighting my own demons and dealing with my own share of things so my tumblr has been the last thing on my mind lately.

However, I want to start back up again with my blogging and need to find time to brainstorm new topics and dedicate at least one day to my blog where I can post some new content. I know I have no followers on here yet because I have not shared my tumblr account with anyone yet but at least I will have some stuff for future readers to actually look at and read.

So again, I am sorry and forgive me for letting everyday life and the lack of a dedication to time get the best of me, causing me to neglect this platform. Thanks for listening to my cheesy apology post, and I do also apologize for any typos in this post, this is the first time I am using my hp laptop again for social media and I am not used to this keyboard. Thanks. I love you all. (Lol, when in reality, I am saying this to myself because of no followers hahahaha.)

#ApologyPost #AboutME #PersonalBlog #Personal #PillowTalk #Nighttime #Sorry

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 5 years

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Motherhood 🌹

Post: #8

Date: Thursday— August 29, 2019

Time: 11:36 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: Mommy talks💕

Mood: Calm, Happy, Relaxed, Thirsty

Currently listening to: Turnover

Good ( l a t e ) evening my lovelies !!

I just got done folding and putting away all our laundry and doing a tiny bit of cleaning, so I have some down to either write or read. Obviously I chose this time to blog a little bit, I can read later... but for now I need to work on building up my personal blog !!

I decided that this post will be all about my experience with motherhood and how I feel about becoming a mama this year. 💛✨ So let's just dive in !!

I didn't even know I was pregnant until I was 27 weeks along. WTF RIGHT?!???? That's basically 6 months into the pregnancy! But yeah, it's absolutely yonkers how I had NO IDEA I WAS PREGNANT. I was soooo shook & scared when I found out but then excitement and happiness slowly seeped in and I felt so in love. Being pregnant was absolutely amazing the last 3 months and I honestly felt my most beautiful and attractive then. I loved how I looked pregnant and I was truly glowing. I miss being preggo w my baby melon *sniff sniff* but if we do have another melon to add to our garden, I would like to truly take care of myself and enjoy being pregnant for the entire 9 months. Haha.

Anyway. I gave birth to Daddy & I's first born son on March 4. 2019 at 9:20 AM. He was 6 pounds 3.8 ounces and 20 inches in length!! 💕 Our lil melon was finally here.

Fun facts:

🌹 Daddy was A M A Z I N G through it all

🌹 I was induced due to decreased fetal movements

🌹 I had a high risk pregnancy

🌹 The healing process SUCKED ASS for me and I HATED IT but was in love w my lil family garden

🌹 I truly had the pregnancy glow !!

🌹 My labor was 13 hours and I only pushed for 6 minutes until he came out. WILD for a 1st time mom !!

🌹 Breastfeeding was a challenge at first bc my nipples used to be pierced and they left ugly impressions on both of my nipples.

🌹 Baby melon looks like Daddy

🌹 Soooo many people would approach me and touch my belly WITHOUT asking and it would make me so UNCOMFY & UPSET but I was too timid to speak up

🌹 I loved being pregnant and wouldn't mind going through it again someday

🌹 I hardly gained any stretch marks because I used cocoa butter religiously and kept myself from scratching

Honestly, Daddy and I decided we weren't going to be in a serious relationship at first but, life happened and I found my zing. I ended up falling for him first and we decided that kids were out of the question because we wanted to both focus on ourselves. However, that didn't go according to plan because I unexpectedly and unknowingly got pregnant lol. It was a shock for both of us when I told him the news and tbh the distance was really testing our relationship before I even found out so it really was surprising but also a blessing. I know people always say "having a baby does not solve your problems" but tbh our baby melon did for us and that's that. Daddy is an amazing father and he loves both of us dearly and we know we are good parents who are learning everyday and we take parenthood seriously. We are raising our child how we think is best and we were raised by very good parents ourselves, and we always have a support system behind us if we ever need them.

Motherhood really made me grow up... given that I am 23 years old... it really changed my entire life for the better and even though my mental health is struggling to keep up with itself, I can say that I am completely happy being a mother and a girlfriend. Motherhood has taught me that there is no stronger bond than a woman and her partner AND a mother and her baby. I'm so in love with Daddy and with the handsome baby we both created and I would not have it any other way. I'm so glad I met a good man with a pure heart, strong mind, beautiful personality, solid career, and a hard working mindset... I hope our son inherits all of Daddy's traits and my positive ones. Motherhood is truly a blessing and an amazing life changer. That's for sure. 🍉🍈❤️

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 5 years

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1st Mini Movie Review

Post: #7

Date: Thursday— August 29, 2019

Time: 12:35 AM Mtn Standard

Topic: Mini Movie Review

Good late evening cute flowers 💕

I need to just blog more and keep my wandering mind busy when I'm not pre-occupied w my baby melon & daddy. So i'll just do a mini movie review here. :)

Btw this is based off of my personal opinion & no, i'm not a professional movie critic or anything !!

✧ Movie title: Detective Pikachu (2019)

Local police from the city where Pokémon & humans live in harmony together make a serious phone call to the main character. This adolescent takes a trip to the city where he comes across a reporter (who he is attracted to) and enters his father's apartment. He then decides to look for his father because he believes he is missing after getting more acquainted with Pikachu and his memory loss, and with the help of Pikachu, they solve the mystery together!

- Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

- Cast: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

- Scenes: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

- Overall rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I just disliked certain things because characters were annoying or it seemed boring but overall it was a cute, exciting, interesting movie!

It was very different from the typical Pokémon movies and the show but it was put together so well that I didn't mind the difference.

You don't even have to be a "true Pokémon fan" to watch this movie. I just wish they incorporated MY fav Pokémon into the movie more (Jigglypuff!!) but it's okay.

It's actually a rly good movie, watch it w friends or family or even by yourself, I guarantee you'll enjoy it!

#personalblog #personal #rating #movie review #movies #summer movies #4 stars #personal opinion #cute #detective pikachu #pokemon #ryan reynolds #pillowtalk #honest thoughts #thoughts #approved

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 5 years

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Life Update ✨

Post: # 6

Date: Monday — August 12, 2019

Time: 11:21 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: My Life As Of Today

Greetings lovely flowers. 🌹

I'd like to start off today's post by saying I'm terribly sorry for not keeping up with my entries and for disappearing for weeks. A lot has happened in the span of the beginning of this blog up to today & I'll gladly fill you in.

TW: mental health issues, PPD, medication, depression, alcohol ab*se, self h*rm, s*icidal thoughts, bullying, body image, loss of a family member

Well back in the ending of May, I came to the realization that I was in fact suffering with PPD. I fought to keep it all bottled up in hopes that by not speaking about it and my ugly feelings, that it'll eventually solve itself and just go away. I was wrong. It came to the point where getting up to take care of my baby was a struggle, my relationship with Daddy was being affected, I was angry and irritated as soon as I woke up, and I felt really alone, ugly, worthless, and I honestly was dying to sleep all day and to be left alone. I didn't want to take care of myself and I had to force myself to be there for my baby. It truly affected my relationship with Daddy and of course our son and other family members, so I was pushing away those who I care about most.

I ended up talking with my boyfriend about how I was feeling and what has been going on in my head. I cried to him as I explained how ugly, pissed off, numb, and annoyed I felt. He held me. He kissed me. He told me he was glad to hear me speak up. He said he noticed the change. He wanted me to know that he is here for me always and that he loves me. I'm so glad I opened up to him and trust him with all my heart. I really don't know what I'd do without him. I love him.

I got the support, comfort, understanding, and love from Daddy. He was first. Then it was a couple of family members, my mom, aunt, sister-in-law... some understood, others didn't. They just agreed to disagree. It's hard opening up to those you love and trust when it comes to mental health when they do not understand or believe you. But I did it anyway and let them feel however they wanted... it's not my fault PPD affects a lot of young, 1st time moms. It's not my fault my seratonin levels are unbalanced and low.

I've had my battles overcoming depression a couple of times in the past. I've dealt with being cyber bullied to the point of feeling suicidal. I've self harmed and abused alcohol to forget my feelings and who I was. I even started lying to my parents and sneaking off to drink and black out with people I could not even trust. I was spiraling out of control because I never felt comfortable and safe to tell my parents how I felt when they rejected me at first for telling them that I was depressed. So I secretly suffered, I did.

But I'm getting help. I have talked with my doctor, and also seeking help from the mental health facility and will hopefully be paired with a wonderful therapist. I've also been started on a low dose of anti-depressants. My doctor and I went over all the options, twas ultimately my choice, and she always has my best interest at heart. So we went forth and started the medication as part of my treatment. I'm hoping I get better before Halloween, but only time will tell.

Another thing that's been going on is of course the fact that I'm struggling with my self-esteem and body image. I'm no longer body positive towards myself and feel nothing but resentment, disgust, and hatred towards my body. I should not feel this way at all but I do. I overeat. I eat when I feel bored and lonely. I'm over 210 pounds and I feel like shit. I hate my body.

Soooo, I am talking about this with my doctor of course AND also getting lots of support and love from Daddy. He is supportive of me and does his best to not get frustrated with me when I happen to down talk my body and he is encouraging me to eat better, drink water, and get active. Baby steps. He gets me. Daddy is truly helping and without him here, I know I'd be an even bigger mess than I am now. I was honest when I told him how I got skinny and lost weight and he promised me he will help me but the RIGHT & healthy way. I love him.

And well... my best friend of 11 years basically said she is kind of done being my best friend. She said that I am "emotionally exhausting to talk to" and that she "did not know what to say to me any more because she doesn't know how to talk to me." Whatever that means right?? I'm so tired of being hurt and abandoned. I promised her I would never do that to her and kept that promise but she writes me a sad letter in an unfinished notebook (which is unlike her, it never happens) and basically said she's calling it quits. I lost a best friend. What does one do when her best friend dumps her?? I've been ignoring that with everything else that has been happening....

Another thing is I recently lost my grandfather. It hurts talking about. I can't help but to cry and breakdown. I was very close with my grandfather, and my grandmother. We were all raised to be a close-knit family and we were all connected... what we have is special. But now my cheí is gone, he is reunited with my grandma... it just hurts. I seem okay but really, I still feel so overwhelmed with emotions yet empty at the same time. I'm also still in shock... i can't believe he is gone. It hurts so much.

So anyway, this was all that's been going on and my life just got a bit too out of hand for me to be active on here with my personal blog. I am hoping to get back into that to keep me busy. My son keeps me busy for the most part, and with the recent loss of my cheí, I was swamped and stressed since I'd take my baby and I up to the hospital everyday just to visit him. Also was making time to spend quality time w Daddy and re-bond with our baby. So it's been a hell of a ride. But here is a list of good things that have happened in between so I don't end this on a shitty note:

✧ Daddy, Baby, & I are doing better

✧ Baby turned 5 months old

✧ Baby melon also started rolling like a pro & is starting to crawl backwards

✧ I'm drinking more water

✧ I'm on top of taking my medication

✧ Daddy bought me a lot of great books

✧ My nails are growing back

✧ I watched some new movies w Daddy from RedBox (should I do mini reviews of the movies?? Hmm... maybe !!)

✧ Baby melon chews on his toes

✧ I've been wearing one of my grandpa's shirts

✧ I'm becoming more responsible with the money Daddy gives me

✧ I started reading more books more often

✧ I've been tracking my feelings lately & keeping a diary

✧ Daddy, baby, & I went a 3 hour road trip and had fun

✧ I wrote a nice caption for my next serious Instagram post and to me, it's super welcoming, helpful, safe, and inspiring (???)

✧ My mom is sleeping more

✧ I'm doing my best

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 5 years

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A Poetic Post

Post: # 5

Date: Monday— June 24, 2019

Time: 3:44 AM Mtn Standard

Topic: Poetic Excerpt About My Son

like any handsome flower, you first come from nothing but dirt and soil. no seeds, just the everyday baking of the sun hardening the ground.

dirt itself is compromised of billions of tiny particles of sand. billions of particles of you. yes, you.

my feet kiss the dirt everyday. without the dirt, there is no ground... no plants, no gardens, no father, no me, no you. the ground beneath us is vital for life itself.

surprisingly, a shovel meets the ground, breaking it into pieces that slowly crumble into grains. constantly digging until a moister part of the earth is uncovered, the cool soil underneath.

my eyes close. deep breaths. i taste the smell of soil on my nose, and i know that you are ready to be planted from 2 hearts filled with love.

i find myself deeply sinking my hands into the soft soil, squeezing it until it seeps in between my fingers. the underlying presence of you creeps into my palms from the earth's soil. i feel you.

i take the seeds from my pocket, seeds that will allow you to finally sprout and blossom in the spring. burying the seeds in the soil, under the dirt, i plant apart of you in mother earth.

dirt and soil... meet the seeds that will help you to grow as time continues to pass. you need one another to prosper, for a flower needs a plot to flourish.

you are the beginning of a perfect garden. i give you a forever home— me.

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 5 years

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Post No. 4

Post: # 4

Date: Thursday— June 13, 2019

Time: 9:40 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: My Idea of A Perf Subspace 💕

Good evening babes! 🌻

Okay so I want to elaborate more on kp and ddlg, to be specific, I want to focus today's topic on my personal version of subspace (kitten space and little space)!

"What is subspace?" one may ask? Well, in my own words... to me, subspace is a headspace in which I allow myself to regress into a submissive state of mind. My body is filled with so many different emotions and cravings, it gives me a sense of an intense arousal (non-sexual about 95% of the time) that makes it feel like nothing else exists being with my dom.

Basically, it's like I have the ability to block everything out and become 100% dependent, pleasing, obedient, and submissive when I'm in my subspace. I want to give Daddy my all, and so does he in return, in AND out of subspace. That's why we really engage in the D/S headspaces in our day-to-day lives, because he is the boss and I am his baby kitten. However, that doesn't mean I do not act like an actual adult because I really do, it's just a little mindset I always have lingering in the back of my mind. I still make my own decisions, take care of our child as a full-time mother, compromise with Daddy, cook him and I meals, take myself and our baby to important appointments, take my medication everyday, take care of myself as a woman... it's just hard for some people to fully wrap their heads around the concept and truly understand especially if they aren't familiar with bdsm in general OR are pretty biased about kinks. So don't get me wrong, I may identify as a little & a kitten, but I am still an adult woman that lives life as any other woman does.

With that being said, I have lots of things that are my favs when I'm regressing to and/or already in little space and in kitten space. To quickly and easily explain, those 2 terms are basically my "subspace" but for my little side and my kitten side.

❀ My kitten space favs include:

Daddy (obviously 💞)

Kitten gear

Petting

Biting

Play fighting

Spanks

Playing w my hair

Hearing the bell on my collars

Squeaky toys

Ribbons

Little snackies or yummies

Cuddling + snuggling

Skirts w long socks / stockings

Love bites

Neck and thigh kisses

Gentle hair pulling

Meowing @ Daddy

❀ My little space favs include:

Daddy (again, obviously! 💞)

Stuffies

Cuddling + snuggling

Pastel colors

Disney + Pixar

Dresses

Sanrio + TokiDoki + Lisa Frank

Cartoons

Shopping

Holding hands

Eating cute foods

Drinking juice

Coloring + Beading + Scrapbooking

Being read to

Fake crying

Using my little voice w Daddy

So it's obvious that a lot of these are non-sexual to begin with, and the little space favs are not at all. For me, being a kitten and a little is apart of who I am as a person. It's cliché to admit, but I always knew deep down that I was always a little and a kitten. Whilst learning and discovering what different types of bdsm practices are around and what different kind of kinks exist, I knew that those 2 (ddlg & kp) were the categories that I fall under and Daddy helped to bring that out of me, and he helped me blossom into his cute little sub. Remember your relationship is how YOU make it, there is no uniform way to be kink friendly. 💕

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sugarkitten-mamahoney · 5 years

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Post: No. 3 — A Follow Up

Post: # 3

Date: Wednesday— June 12, 2019

Time: 11:30 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: My BDSM Relationship— A Follow Up

Hello! Peach here again 💕

So, I realized my last post may have sounded a little bit intense and intimidating for some of you. I decided to be straight forward and jump into my topic without really explaining why.

In my real life outside from Tumblr, there are a handful of people who have befriended me and have gotten to know me over the years. When I first started seeing Daddy, a lot of them seemed pretty judgmental of just his title, "Daddy." None of them knew the reason behind his title and why I addressed him as such and never his actual name, and they automatically assumed that I was "just trying to be edgy," or "your guy told you to call him daddy to follow the hype," and/or that I "have a daddy kink." Well they were all wrong.

As I've stated in my previous post, I am in a very loving, consensual, safe, and sane bdsm relationship with my boyfriend. I remember I would have to explain that to my "friends" and really dumb it down for them, being that 95% of them were vanilla people to begin with.

I'm very open about it because 90% of the time I address him as "Daddy." I'll call him by a few other pet names, but that really takes me out of subspace, when we both know that we like being in our D/S head spaces almost all the time. I'll address him as: babe, sweets, sir, master, love, dear, squeeze, baby, and sweetheart. Of course our favorite is and will always be "Daddy" just because that's who he is to me.

I never feel the need to explain myself, or my relationship, to anyone... I just enjoy sharing apart of myself with friends and those interested because it's new, different, and intriguing to them. After I'd tell them about why I call him "Daddy" all the time over any other name, they understood and pretty much gave me props for being so posi and confident with my personal life and myself in general.

Anyway, I just wanted to clear this up. I'm not saying that I'm a professional in this specific area. I'm not looking for people to put me or my relationship down, saying it isn't "true bdsm practice." I'm not making this blog all about my relationship, I just figured that it's a nice way to start off this blog and it's apart of who I am as a woman, girlfriend, partner, person... I truly hold this dear to me and I do identify with it often enough for it to hold a great importance. I wish to generally educate those who aren't sure when it comes to ddlg and kp, since those are the kinks that are the most active in our personal life and our overall lifestyle as a couple.

If anything, I'm still expanding on my introductory post and my "about me," so bear with me until I get into other topics for the upcoming days and weeks. Some topics may even overlap or reoccur, it just depends on my mood and what's on my mind. So if this subject and material isn't really for you and/or what you're looking for right now, be patient to see what else I blog about or you can feel free to leave my page, whatever works for you. No hard feelings, only posi vibes!

And if this is the kind of stuff you are generally curious about, have questions about, want to maybe try out and make your own, or if you just have an open mind and want something to read to pass the time, then thank you for hanging out and stay tuned for other random stuff coming soon. You can always shoot me a message as well! All are welcome here. Happy kinking! 💕

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