In another life, we’ll stay up all night together.
We’ll manage our lives together seamlessly.
We’ll clean on Saturday mornings so we can enjoy the rest of the weekend.
I’ll make the coffee and pick out an album for us to jam out to.
You’ll sing along to our favorite songs while making pancakes.
We’ll laugh and dance and you’ll use the batter-covered whisk as a pretend microphone.
We’ll finish cleaning up after breakfast, and I’ll join you in the shower.
We’ll scrub each others backs, and make out while rinsing off under the hot water.
You’ll follow me back to bed, the bed you freshly made with clean sheets just hours ago.
We’ll make a mess of it and make it up again.
You’ll tuck in the corners.
We’ll spend the afternoon at the library.
I’ll pack a picnic and you’ll read your old favorite books to me.
I’ll kiss you in the dusty History section, and when I think no one is looking,
I’ll touch and tease you some more.
You’ll take me to the bathroom and lock the door because you want me so bad
You just can’t wait any longer.
We’ll get caught and almost get thrown out and we’ll run away laughing.
I’ll drive us home, but maybe I’ll stop somewhere secluded first
And touch you just how you like it, from the safety of the backseat.
In another life, we’re so fucking good together.
I’ll hold you when you need to cry,
you’ll make me a hot cup of tea when I forget how to take care of myself.
We’ll cook dinner together.
I’ll wash the dishes and you’ll put them away.
I’ll clean and cut up fruits and vegetables to snack on.
You’ll motivate me to be good to myself when I don’t feel like it.
We’ll remind each other to take our vitamins and meds.
I’ll make you a smoothie when you don’t feel like eating.
You’ll tell me I’m beautiful when I don’t recognize my own reflection.
I’ll tell you you’re worth the world, because you are.
I’ll sweep the floors so you can mop.
I’ll do the laundry and you’ll mow the lawn.
When we’re both having a bad day,
We’ll let each other be as grouchy as we need to without judgement.
You’ll kiss me when I can’t make myself get out of bed.
I’ll gently play with your hair when you can’t sleep.
I’ll say something careless on occasion and you’ll be rightfully upset.
We’ll both feel guilty.
I’ll shut down and you’ll implode.
You’ll call me out and I’ll get defensive.
I’ll take way too long to process and understand my feelings as well as yours,
And you’ll get tired of explaining it to me and eventually give up.
You’ll feel invalidated and I’ll feel confused.
We’ll work through it and try not to hurt each other again,
Even though we both know it’ll happen again anyways.
We’ll grow to resent each other in new ways.
In another life, maybe we’re still no good for each other.
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Reality Lowdown
(content warnings are in tags)
The room I wake up in has shifted 2 degrees to the left
The light in the kitchen is a warm glow- it was a cool blue last night
The sun rises in the wrong spot
The stairs are too close together as I walk
I don’t let my eyes stay in one place too long
They dart across rooms, looking for more displacements
More to feel wrong about
A voice calls me to the next room. I don’t recognize who it is
I don’t know where I am
My knuckles crack too loudly
My hair is tied up wrong
My jacket is too tight in the collar
My shoes are too loose
My voice is different than I remember it
My vision is more blurry than last night
My thoughts formulate too fast
My hands are responding too slow
My chest feels heavy
My eyes glaze over
My heart aches
My stomach does flips
My fingers are chewed- so are my lips
My legs go numb
I don’t think anyone can understand it
Can truly understand-
The way my hands
Are detached from my wrists
I stare at faces until I’m certain I’ve seen the person before
I don’t think I’ve stared at a mirror for this long before
I’ve been staring at a mirror the whole time
My skin crawls
I feel sick
I will wake up tomorrow unknowing of what it will be
The room I wake up in might be shifted 5 degrees to the right
Or the light in the kitchen might be blue again
My knuckles might not crack at all
My voice might not work
I don’t know.
Reality has its claws in me
The best I can do is lick off the blood
-Reality Lowdown (By me)
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